One of my favorite quotes, from my Hypnosis Instructor Ali Campbell, "We are not afraid of what we think we are afraid of, we are afraid of what we think!" is powerful. You can't just rush through reading it. Especially with fear around horses.
I thought I was a afraid of a horse rearing and falling over on top of me. I believed that. When a horse would lift it head, I would get off, FAST. After hearing Ali, and really sitting with it, I realized he is 100% right. I was not afraid of a horse falling on me. I was afraid of my thoughts of a horse falling on me. It only happened once in reality. I have ridden thousands of hours. I have jumped hundreds of jumps. I was afraid of my thoughts, not the horses. The horses brought me joy.
Take a moment and really think about your fear and the thoughts about your fear. Then look at your thoughts versus reality, in this moment. To make it simple in my example, fear of rearing was my fear. But reality, it was my thoughts about "what if" the horse reared that I was afraid of. The horse wasn't even rearing. Heck, I could be sitting on the couch and think about the rearing and get sweaty palms. That is a fear of my thoughts, not a fear of the horse rearing.
The great news is that now we have awareness. Once we are aware, we can take action to resolve.
Here are three things that can help us overcome the fear of our thoughts. For me, this feels a lot less scary now that I know I am just afraid of my thoughts.
- Journaling exercises. Put pen to paper. Write how you want to feel, what you want to be thinking about, the thoughts about wonderful rides.
- Mindfulness. This is one of my favorites. If we are keeping our thoughts in the present moment, unless we are in the middle of some disaster, we can dissolve the fear. Stay present, in this moment. It is all we really have.
- Visualization techniques for positive riding experiences. Put all your senses into visualizing your best rides. What are you seeing? What are you feeling? What are you hearing? What are you smelling? Describe your best ride in all the detail you can put into it.
I talk about my feelings around this quote in my latest podcast which you can watch on Rumble here:
I had no idea the weight of the fear I was carrying around, until one day when I had found my courage I felt light as a feather. It was a while after I was riding again, and it just filled me with joy. Like many of you, we carry the weight of fear without even realizing it. I believe we can all find our courage again, when we choose to!
The weight of the fear takes a toll on our health. We were not designed to stay in freeze, fight, or flight mode. That stress wreaks havoc on our systems. It manifested for me in migraines and horrible "female" issues. It also takes a toll on our emotions and mental health. For me, I felt fear in a lot of areas of my life. Dentist, riding in a car as a passenger, and definitely with the horses. Removing the weight freed up all those things! Confidence filled me in all areas of my life. I was surprised.
Here are the steps that really helped me:
1. Changing my memories of my accident. Nobody said I had to remember it as it happened, I could choose to remember all the great things about that day.
2. Reframing negative thoughts. Become a master and taking those negative thoughts running around and switch them to wonderful thoughts. You get to choose your thoughts.
3. Gradual exposure to horses and riding. Find a process for courage that works for you. I look at this as a video game. You do a little bit and then go back to the start and then do a little bit more and then go back to the start. Each time, you are getting better and better and the fear won't have room inside of you anymore.
4. Building a support system. You are not alone! I remember how alone I felt in my fear. Even the trainers didn't understand my fear. I created a support group for all of us searching for courage. (Join free group here!)
5. Focusing on personal growth and resilience. Keep going. If you want the joy of riding again, you can make it happen. We are all cheering you on and I am here to support you.
To hear about overcoming triggers, my Blue car/Red car theory, you can hear it on my latest podcast: Listen now!
Courage isn't the absence of fear; it's the ability to act in spite of it. Yet, for many, the journey toward courage is riddled with obstacles and doubts that can feel insurmountable. Whether it's the nagging voice of self-doubt, the excuses that we make up not to ride, or the relentless pursuit of being perfect, these hurdles can dim the light of bravery within us. However, with mindful awareness and intentional action, it's possible to navigate through these challenges and emerge stronger and more resilient than ever.
Self-doubt often whispers (or yells) destructive thoughts that undermine our confidence and capabilities. It's the voice that tells us we're not good enough, smart enough, or we're going to get hurt or worse. To combat self-doubt, it's crucial to challenge these negative beliefs with evidence of past successes and affirmations of our strengths and talents. We are good riders. By reframing our self-talk and acknowledging our strengths and achievements, we can gradually dismantle the barriers erected by self-doubt and step into our power with confidence.
The first step is to write down, the whispers that you hear all the time. The ones that have you making up excuses. Once you have a list - write down the good thoughts that it could be.
Here are a few: I might get hurt = I might enjoy my ride; I might fall off = I am a good rider; My horse might buck/rear/bolt = I am now prepared to know when my horse is ready to ride. Practice the ones on the right, as often as you can until they become the primary whispers.
Second step is to look back at all the wonderful rides you have had. Soak those up. Spend time in those memories. If a negative memory pops in, say "thank you" and let it go. Picture setting it free to float off on it's own until it gets smaller and smaller and is out of sight. Then think of 10 more wonderful rides to replace that one memory. Spend time in the memories of wonderful rides.
In essence, overcoming obstacles and doubts on the path to courage requires a combination of self-awareness, self-compassion, and intentional action. By challenging negative beliefs, reframing failure, and embracing vulnerability, we can unleash our inner courage and navigate challenges with resilience and grace. So, let us embark on this journey to enjoy riding our horses together and let courage fill us up!
It was a beautiful day for a ride and I decided to just push through my fear and ride anyway. It was one of those days where things shift inside of you and something wakes up. I got on, shaking and sweaty palms determined to ride and my horse was good but I could feel tension building in her as she was feeling me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. It was fair to her to have to carry my fear!
Horses being prey animals depend on feeling the energy around them. It is instinctual for them to stay alive. I was not honoring my horse by putting all the fearful energy on her back. I got off of her. I knew I had to do more work so that she would not have to carry that weight and fear. I had to reduce my fear and here are 3 tips for doing just that:
1. Prepraration - Once I really looked at my preparation, safety equipment, mindset, physical fitness and the horse's preparation - are they calm grooming, quiet, relaxed, no tension or swishing tail, my confidence shot up. I could now see before getting on if it was a good day for both of us.
2. Become your favorite trainer - In my mind, I become one of my favorite trainers as soon as I get to the barn. What would they do? How would they feel? They would not let the horse walk over them; they would expect the horse to be quiet with them. They would be clear asking the horse for something. This really helps my courage. I just leave me at home for a bit.
3. Focus in the moment - The more you can focus in the moment you are in, what are you doing, how are you feeling and what is your horse doing, how is your horse feeling, in that moment you will start to understand the subtitles before something happens. The days to ride and the days to play instead of riding. You will notice tension in the neck or flank, or you will notice deep quiet breathing and relaxed muscles. The more you are in the moment, the lower your anxiety and fear will be.
There are so many things we can do to overcome our fear and nerves. I talk about a few other things to help in my latest podcast (on most podcast platforms) if you would like to hear more! PODCAST
In horseback riding, our minds play a significant role in shaping our experiences, from moments of tension and fear to those of calmness and joy. One day, I had just got on my horse, and I can feel the tail swishing and her back tense. There was a sense of electric energy, a feeling of sitting on a powder keg. Get ready, you know it is coming. Just writing that made my heart race and my palms sweat. Our minds are so powerful. I am sitting on the couch, writing this blog for all of you and I caused my heart rate to increase and my palms to get sweaty, just with those thoughts.
Now, what about that ride through the bridle trails to the park. It was a beautiful day filled with spring flowers, the little bubbling creek alongside the park, the birds singing, the rhythm of the horse's feet and just a beautiful ride. Just writing this, sitting on the couch has my breathing slowing, my body relaxing, the tension flowing out.
Our minds are powerful, for the good or for the bad. The good news is, we can work through our fears to some degree sitting in our home.
There are a few different types of minds though and it is important to see which one you are so you can create relaxation techniques that fit for you.
- Visual people - These are the people that really can see things easily in pictures in their mind. This is me, but this is not everyone. If you are one of these people, visualization is a great technique for you. Visualize what you want to see, what the view is like while you ride, all the sites that will be on your rides, see that picture and put it into a calm beautiful picture.
- Auditory people - These are the people that know things, hear things, are very mind focused. For you, create the sounds that you would want to hear in a meditation format. Hear the birds, the horse's footfall, the rustle of the leather, the breathing and all the sounds that are around you while you ride.
- Kinesthetic people - These are the people that feel things. Create a meditation where you feel the mane, feel the movement of the horse, feel the light breeze on your face, feel the movement in your body as you are in rhythm of the horse. Feel how great you feel relaxing into a nice ride.
It took me a long time to realize that not everyone is visual! I think most of us can include all three of these into our ideal ride, sitting on the couch until we feel really good but try and use your primary one the most. Once you have this relaxation really good, practice it while you are riding! You will be refreshed, and your horse will feel it too.
I talk more about how to become the eye of the storm or the storm when you need it in my latest podcast: Episode 8: Mindset Mastery
For those of you that would like a little more support with getting over riding fear and anxiety, join my free support group here: Equine Courage Community
