We’ve all been there—riding along when suddenly our horse spooks at something seemingly harmless: a gust of wind, a squirrel, a shadow. But what if the real trigger isn’t the environment… it’s us?
Horses are prey animals, wired to detect subtle shifts in energy and emotion. They don’t just respond to what’s around them—they respond to us. When we ride with fear, tension, or anticipation of something going wrong, our horse picks up on it. That nervous energy becomes part of the moment, and suddenly, the rustling leaves feel like a threat.
I used to think my horse was just “spooky.” But over time, I realized he was reacting to me. My tight grip, shallow breathing, and hyper-focus on potential dangers were sending signals that something was wrong—even when it wasn’t.
Here’s what I learned:
- Fear is contagious. Horses mirror our emotional state. If we’re anxious, they become alert. If we’re calm, they settle.
- Focus matters. When we fixate on what might spook our horse, we unintentionally amplify it. Instead, redirect your focus to what’s going well—your rhythm, your connection, your breath.
- Confidence is a skill. You don’t have to be fearless—you just need tools to manage fear. Grounding exercises, breathwork, and mindset shifts can help you ride with clarity instead of tension.
The truth is, most horses aren’t spooked by nature. They’re spooked by the energy we (or the herd) bring to it. Wind, wildlife, and weather are part of their world. But when we layer fear on top of those elements, we create a story they start to believe.
So next time your horse spooks, ask yourself: Was I already bracing for it? If the answer is yes, don’t beat yourself up—just get curious. Because the more we understand our own psychology, the better leaders we become in the saddle.
I used to think calm horses created calm riders—until I had a “been there, done that” jumper that I made anxious. What?? Yes, it was me, not him.
He was such a good boy, even with my extreme tension. But over time, he started reacting—triggered by my fears. Especially at the in-gate, waiting to go in for our jumper rounds.
That’s where my nerves were at their peak.
As I worked on my confidence, I could feel him shifting back to confidence too. It didn’t happen overnight. It took time for him to trust me again. But once he did, our shared confidence led to more enjoyable rides—even in competition.
A few things I realized:
- You can’t fake it ‘til you make it with horses. They know. You actually have to find real ways to feel confident. My favorite strategy was focusing on things I was confident in—even if they weren’t directly related to the fear. For example, I felt confident hacking, so I focused on walking to the warm-up ring and moving him laterally. I didn’t think about the course or the jumping at all. Focusing on what I could do helped me stay grounded, and once I was in the ring, I was fine.
- The little things matter. As soon as an anxious thought popped into my head, I’d replace it with something else—before it spiraled into a whole chain of anxiety. I practiced this even when I wasn’t riding, so it became second nature in the saddle. The key was catching that very first thought.
- Build a foundation of courage. The “courage pennies” concept helped me so much. Every time I did something that showed confidence or courage, I added it to my mental bank. Over time, those pennies built a solid foundation.(Want to learn more? Grab The Ultimate Guide to Courage Pennies—get your eBook here!)
The truth is: a rider’s confidence has more impact on a horse’s confidence than we realize. Building our own confidence is a skill—and it’s one that can transform our rides, our connection, and our joy in the saddle.
I found my anxiety increasing over the years after my accident. No matter how hard I tried to rebuild my confidence, I felt like a failure. Nothing seemed to work.
What I realized—like many of you—was that I was trying to reclaim my confidence all at once. I knew what it felt like to be confident, but I didn’t think to break it down into smaller steps. I was trying to climb Everest in a day instead of following a process, step by step.
Then everything changed.
I started using something I call Courage Pennies. Not in one giant leap, but in small steps—penny by penny—I began to beat anxiety. I created a daily habit of noticing the little acts of courage and confidence I was doing every day. That habit started small, but it built into the confidence I knew I had inside me.
I share all the details in my free eBook, The Ultimate Guide to Courage Pennies.
👉 Grab your free Courage Penny guide here!
👉 Grab your free Courage Penny guide here!
How to Start Your Courage Penny Habit Today
- Get a pretty jar (or visualize one—but I recommend starting with a real jar).
- Look for small acts of confidence throughout your day. You get to decide what counts. It might be doing the dishes, going for a walk, or even just getting dressed.
- Assign a value—decide how many courage pennies each act is worth and drop that many pennies into your jar (or visualize it filling up).
- Celebrate daily—at the end of each day, look at your jar and reflect. Be grateful for the small steps. Feel how they begin to fill you up and gently push the anxiety out. This part is crucial.
You can do this, I believe in you!
There were 60 of us, sitting in folding chairs in an arena, with horses and ponies running all over the place. The first couple of people to do an exercise looked like it was very challenging. There was one pretty gray arab mare that was frazzled. She looked like she had ADHD and was just freaked out.
My turn came to do an exercise in front of the crowd. I picked the frazzled gray mare as my partner, I thought we both needed each other. The first assignment was to have the horse stand still, and for me to walk around the horse. That horse was all over the place, and it was hard to even get two steps around her before she was off doing something else. This was all at liberty of course.
The second exercise was to stand still and have the horse walk around us. My gut reaction, "I CAN'T DO THIS!" As soon as I had the thought, a feeling came over me, I can do this. It was an overwhelming whisper, deep inside. I went to the center of the arena and closed my eyes. I pictured her going around me and I felt my heart connected to her heart. I would glance up every once in a while, and there she was, calm, quiet, peaceful, walking around me. I thought let's see what we can do. I pictured her coming in closer and she did. I pictured her going out further and she did. I pictured her changing directions, and she did. I pictured her trotting quietly with her head low and she did.
Our exercise was supposed to be 10 minutes, but for 30 minutes, we were there, in the center, connected heart to heart. The audience was silent. In their own thoughts of wonder. The owner of the horse and the practitioners were in shock.
I finally just stopped, and she came to me and pressed her head into my chest, and we just breathed together. In that moment, I knew for the rest of my life, when I had doubt, I would think of the pretty gray mare and know, "I CAN".
This was the most powerful moment I have ever had in my life. It was a precious gift from God.
How amazing would it be to have a genie, sitting on your shoulder, and you could say, "I wish for courage" and BAM, you would have all the courage you needed? Well, anchoring may be the next best thing. There are a lot of ways to do anchoring and there are a lot of things you can use as an anchor. This is my favorite process and my favorite anchor system.
I used to be petrified of the Dentist, to the point of passing out in the waiting room to get my teeth cleaned. After starting to use the Young Living essential oils, I discovered that I could focus all my calm into the smell of Stress Away and then use that when I need calm. I started on a really peaceful day on the farm, hanging out with the horses in the pasture, just leaning against the fence with them grazing all around me. The sun was warm and the pretty blue sky and green grass were a nice contrast to the dark bay mares. In this place of peace, I put stress away on a lava bead bracelet on my right wrist and I just smelled it in. Over and over for about 30 minutes. It doesn't have to be this long for sure, but while in a completely calm, peaceful situation, you really want to "Anchor" that calm to that smell. I redo this part of the process every chance I get to keep it fresh and because I love the peace that it brings to me.
Then, when I start to feel a little stress, sometimes a week before going to the dentist, I have a tool to bring me right back to the feelings of being in that pasture, the pure calm of heaven on earth.
Well, the bonus is, it also works while riding! I found out that putting a drop of stress away on the bracelet right before I get on, lets me carry that tool with me, and if I even start to have a slight feeling I don't want coming up, I can smell that Stress Away and bring that Genie right back to my shoulder. I can whisper, I wish for Calm, and BAM, the wish is granted. I can then be in a mode of calm and trust my horse and enjoy the ride.
On the flipside of that, sometimes, I need to be the LEADER for my horse while riding. She may be concerned about a tree that has fallen down, or something out of place from the last time. We might be on a new ride and I need to be there for her and to guide her with my confidence. I started a new trail that we had not been on before and the entrance was from a very sunny grass trail, through a hole just big enough for us, into a deep dark forest. When I got to the trail head, my horse was NOT sure that it was a good idea to walk through that hole. I just kept my leadership and assured her that we would be fine, I would not let anything happen to us and it took a little bit, but she did walk right into that hole. I could not have done this from a state of fear myself. When we talk about an Anchor, this is a great example I can focus on to create a Leadership/ Courage Anchor. I love Thieves essential oil and the story behind the Thieves blend so that is the oil I chose to Anchor courage too. I use a lava bead bracelet on my left wrist for Courage. When I have feelings of leadership and courage, I anchor them into that smell of Thieves, every chance I get.
Then, when I am finding fear starting to come up, like facing my horse to that hole in the forest to walk through, I can smell the Thieves and know I will be all right and with my courage, my horses puts her trust in me and off into the forest we go for an amazing cool ride getting out of the heat of summer. (Here is a link to check out the products I use!)
If you would love to find out more about overcoming fear, I would love to have you join our free Facebook support group, Happy, Courageous, Horses and Riders!
