
I was curled up in a fetal position, once again laying on the grass instead of on my horses back while he raced around like an escaped convict. I can remember the sun on me feeling so good and the smell of the grass was heavenly. Then the ring crew told me I had to get up and that I couldn't just lay there like a rag doll. The worst part? I had fallen off in front of Bill Gates. The best part, I had a chance to learn from my mistakes.
I had gone into the ring, so scared that I was like a stiff board trying to guide my poor horse jumping his heart out for me. This was one of those down moments that really shaped the depths of anxiety, my first time competing on the Grand Prix field at 1.2M, and it also gave me a peak at what the joy could be as I moved into confidence at that level. I remembered that same anxiety when I had my first competition at .90M. I was terrified. And yet, now, that seemed like a piece of cake with chocolate on top. The anxiety at the lower levels had fallen away and the joy filled me up.
It is important to look at the downs and not just hide them under the rug. Really see what you can learn from them and grow into. Confidence is a muscle that needs to be worked, stretched, reshaped as the anxiety falls away and the confidence builds. The ups and downs matter. They keep us going on our journey to enjoying life instead of sitting on the couch letting anxiety rule our world.
If you’re stuck in one of those “fetal position in the grass” moments—or just feeling like confidence is miles away—I want you to know: you’re not alone, and you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.
I help riders like you turn those tough moments into steppingstones. Together, we’ll create a personalized Calm-Ride Strategy that helps you navigate the lows, celebrate the highs, and build lasting confidence in the saddle.
Ready to see what your next peak could look like? Let’s map it out—grab your free Calm-Ride Strategy Call today.












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