Confidence can go out with a bang, or a buck, or it can gently slip away like the flow of a creek. Either way, losing confidence can rob the joy from riding our precious horses. After a horrible accident, mine went out with a bang. It then, slowly slipped away, further and further until it seemed completely out of reach. I had to make the decision to get it back and enjoy riding again. Here are three steps that really helped me.
The first step is making the decision. It would have been so easy to listen to the others and to my fear. I was getting too old, I don't bounce like I used to, I might get hurt and so many others. I really evaluated the joy I was missing from not riding and that made all the difference. I made the decision to ride again. That decision wasn't easy but it was so rewarding. I was done letting a lack of confidence rob me of hundreds of hours of joy riding.
The second step is to put an action plan in place. Look at the fear and do what is needed to be done to turn that into a success. Everyone's fear is different so write yours down, evaluate the fear, take action to help the fear get smaller and the confidence grow. One of my fears, getting hurt, is an easy one to look at as a sample. What actions could I take to improve my confidence that I wouldn't get hurt. Action 1 = make sure my horses were safe for me, my level of riding. Action 2 = get MIPS helmet and a vest. Action 3 = improve my balance and flexibility. It was a huge confidence boost to have a plan and see that I could implement it.
The third step is to think like an airplane pilot. Pilots have a complete checklist they go through before they ever take the plane down the runway. They do this every single time. Put together your plan, your checklist. Use it. Follow it. Put things in that make you know you are ready and things so that you know on that day, at that time, your horse is ready. If you would like some help with this, I have a whole session in my Fear to Courage Virtual Clinic that walks through my pre-ride checklist for myself and my horse. This was so important for me to get my courage back. Knowing when it is ok to get on and when it isn't. (You can find out more information about the virtual clinic here.)
If you would like to hear a little about my journey to courage, I share some thoughts that might resonate with you, in this video. Click here to watch the video!
The anxiety and fear are gripping. The sweaty palms, the shortness of breath, the butterflies (or worse) in the tummy. Those feelings that come up when thinking about riding your horse, they feel insurmountable. They suck the joy right out of riding.
So how do you know if you should enjoy your horses and not focus on riding them anymore? I hear the question so often, "I am not sure I want to ride any more".
First of all, this comes with so much stigma. What will others think? This is an easy one for me but not easy for everyone. I learned a long time ago that my horse and my relationship with my horse must always come first. There were so many times, I would hear what others said, and do what they said even though it didn't feel right to me. It took almost wrecking one of my horses to snap me out of caring what others think (which I talk about in my video blog if you want to know more). I now, take what others say, say thank you, and then see how it feels for me and either try it or not, based on my horse and myself. Where horses are concerned, this is so important, others don't know your horse like you do.
Secondly, there is so much that goes into the relationship with your horse. To put it mildly, your horse doesn't really have being ridden as a priority. Their priorities are food, shelter, water, and surviving. The riding, if they enjoy it, is a bonus. I have one horse that clearly does not want to be ridden, at least at this point in her life. I will honor that until she lets me know she wants to be ridden. We can have an amazing partnership with our horses and never again get on their back. I personally LOVE trail hiking with my one that does not want to be ridden and she loves it too! You can find things that fill you and your horse up without riding.
Thirdly, and probably the hardest part in this decision is the cost of owning a horse. We rationalize the cost with the joy of riding and/or competing. This is a hard one for some people (and usually spouses or significant others) to understand. How can you spend that much and not ride? This is so very personal for each person. I know for me; I made the decision to ride. Not for financial reasons but for the joy of partnering with the horse as one, like a kid sitting on the shoulders of dad. The balance, the dance, the oneness is important to me. So, I have two horses that love to be ridden. And I just dance on the ground with the one that doesn't want to ride.
These are just three of the big things, for me, in the decision to ride or not to ride. The most important thing is you and your horses being happy and healthy and how that happens is a creation you two get to make together. If you would like to ride again and are not sure where to start, I created a self-paced virtual clinic that follows my process to riding again and you can get more details here if interested. Rise From Fear to Courage Virtual Clinic
- The Red Drink. This is what gave me the energy to get the ball rolling toward feeling better. When you don't have energy, you have to do something to get energy. This consists of Ningxia Red, a delicious infusion of superfruits and essential oils; Sulfurzyme, great for joint support, immune support, circulation, bone, hair and skin; Lime Essential Oil, adds a zing and contains antioxidants; all mixed into 8 ounces of water. I love this drink and it gave me the energy to start my journey to health.
- Fix What You eat. You are what you eat became very apparent when I started this journey. I was suffering from inflammation and stiff joints, I was putting on some pounds, I just didn't feel well, and I didn't have much energy. I had to align my food with my body. I chose to cut out processed sugar and flour. I chose to learn how to eat for me, for my body, so that I would feel better.
- Move. I started moving to get flexibility and balance back. I don't think it is fair to have our horses try and carry us when we are not at our best. I started dancing through the pastures going out to feed. I started doing "Yoga in Jeans with Sam" which is really movement to help our bodies for riding. I skip, dance and wiggle walk just about everywhere I go. I swing my arms around and do swimmers circles as I walk. I move. The more I move, the better I feel.
Did you know there are some fun ways to improve your riding when you don't have a horse to practice on? The one I really want is the cute one the jockeys ride to warm up in the jockey room but they are way out of my price range and I would probably get bucked off!!!!
The first one I like to call Bouncing Ball! For this, you need a BIG exercise ball, a little over inflated, preferably that your feet don't touch the ground when you are sitting on top of it in your riding position. (Hang on to Something!) Ride the ball. Picture the ball moving like a horse moves. The rhythm, the cadence, the feel of a moving horse. Just like any horse, start at the walk and see if you can "WALK" the ball.
Then you can move up to the trot. The hard part here is using the inside of your calf and not your knee to hang on to the ball. If you have someone that can help you, put a quarter under your leg in the correct position that you want your leg in and see if you can two point and hold the quarter. Then ride the Posting Trot! This is a LOT harder when you don't have the momentum of the horse helping you but it is still doable. You will thank me later for this one but your calves will want me to take a hike!
Cantering a BALL isn't for the faint of heart. Make sure you do both left lead and right lead on the BALL….yes, it does have two leads. The really cool thing about cantering on the ball, you will KNOW without a doubt which side is your weaker side. When you get that figured out, do 60% of the time on the HARD lead.
The second one is to use the bottom stair on a stair case. Get into riding position and go through the gates trying not to hold onto anything! Put your weight onto the ball of your foot through the bottom of your heel.
The third one is to get (Or make) a sturdy saddle stand and ride in your saddle! This one for me is the hardest because there is not "horse" there. If you can put pillows or something to feel like your leg is on a horse, it is much better and then ride like you are on a horse practicing all the things like above.
If you have enjoyed riding (minus the horse), here is a link to my small FB support/Cheerleading group for those of us that need a little extra encouragement: Happy, Courageous, Horse and Rider
