The biggest challenge for me with jumping my horse was "seeing" my distance to the fence. I was determined to get to each jump just right, but the pressure I put on myself filled me with anxiety. The more I tried to control the situation, the more tense my body became. The harder it was to guide my horse to the right spot to jump from, and it quickly became a vicious cycle. It was like swirling around the drain, spiraling deeper and deeper into anxiety.
Looking back now, I realize that it all started with perfectionism—the need to hit that "perfect spot" every time. Perfectionism is something many of us struggle with, whether it’s in our careers, relationships, or even our hobbies. While striving for excellence isn’t inherently harmful, the constant desire to be perfect can create an undercurrent of anxiety that follows us around like a shadow. It saps our joy and keeps us stuck in a never-ending loop of stress and dissatisfaction.
When we chase perfection, we often feel as though we’re falling short, no matter how hard we try. The pressure builds, and the anxiety takes over, often leading to physical tension. I can remember how tight my muscles would get as I overthought every approach to the jump. My mind was racing, but my body was frozen, which only made it harder to execute the task at hand. This was the anxiety speaking through my body, reminding me of my perceived failure to meet an unattainable standard.
The good news is we can break free from the grip of perfectionism, and it starts with awareness. Here are a few ideas to help you shift away from perfectionism and ease the anxiety it causes:
1. Embrace "Good Enough": Acknowledge that perfection isn’t always necessary. Instead, focus on doing your best in the moment, even if it’s not perfect. Perfectionism often prevents us from enjoying the journey, so let go of the need to be flawless, and relax into the journey.
2. Focus on the Process, Not the Outcome: When I stopped obsessing over landing the perfect jump, I started to enjoy the process of riding. Celebrate the small victories and trust that progress is more important than perfection.
3. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned. Perfectionism thrives on self-criticism, but self-compassion fosters growth and reduces anxiety.
4. Shift Your Perspective: Challenge the belief that everything must be perfect. Mistakes are part of learning and growth. Letting go of perfection frees us from anxiety’s grip.
Perfectionism and anxiety are closely linked, but with practice, we can break the cycle. It’s about shifting our focus from perfection to progress, and that’s where true peace lies.
As you ease into relaxation instead of perfectionism, I would love to share my 7 Days to Mindfulness guide with you, it is complimentary and may help you ease into the journey to relaxation. Get the guide here!
I walked into the kitchen to get.....to get......ummmmm....I know I came in here for a reason.
Or worse, you see a friend walking up to you and their name is....ummmmm....?
Like many of you, our car keys get misplaced, we know we paid that bill, we know that person's name, we know what we came into this room for, it is right on the tip of our tongue, but somehow it escapes us.
I believe that losing my dad with short term memory loss was a gift. It set me on a mission to figure out how to improve my memory.
Looking at our day as a whole, we forget billions of things. Are you shocked? I was. Do you remember feeling the floor as you got out of bed? Do you remember the toothbrush, cleaning each tooth? And the list goes on. It is fascinating to think about the huge amount of things we forget every single day. How do we choose what to remember?
Since I have been on this mission, my memory has improved. Here are the things that have helped the memory get stronger:
1. Staying focused in the moment. The more mindfulness becomes a practice, the better the memory becomes. We stop thinking about the past, thinking about what needs to be done, and we just immerse in the now and it is surprising that people's names pop up in our mind, we remember why we walked into the room, we know where we set out keys down because there was intention behind it.
2. Cutting out toxic foods and adding nutrition. This is different for everyone but I know for me, sugar and flour are big brain fog contributors and I was not getting the right nutrition. I didn't know this all caused brain fog but I do now. In fact, I didn't even know I was in a fog until it cleared. My Sudoku times improved 60% and it is so cool to have an actual measurement!
3. My favorite is memory games! There are so many games out there to improve memory. I am still looking into these but so far, I know they are helping me to remember more things in each day, well at least the important things.
We can all get a little bit healthier, practice a little more mindfulness, and get better with age, if we want to. I don't know if you have ever seen anyone lose their memory as they aged but it was one of the most painful things I have seen for them. My dad knew that he should know things but didn't. The anger and frustration was torture for him, from the inside.
If you would like to explore a little more about this, remember to click this link to get my 7 Days to Mindfulness!
We can get STUCK in memories of the past, replaying events over and over in our minds. While small amounts of reflection can be beneficial, dwelling on the past can prevent us from being fully present.
Just like driving a car, constantly looking in the rearview mirror can cause accidents and prevent us from enjoying the journey and reaching our desired destination.
So how do we break free from these mental cycles and focus on the present?
1. Acknowledge and accept:
The first step to freeing ourselves from the grip of the past is acknowledge that it cannot be changed. Similar to driving, it's essential to accept that whatever happened behind us no longer affects the present moment. Embrace the idea that the past has already served its purpose as a teacher, offering valuable insights and lessons.
2. Practice mindfulness:
Just as a driver must remain attentive to the road ahead, practicing mindfulness enables us to shift our focus to the present. Mindfulness involves consciously bringing our awareness to the current moment, free from judgment or attachment. By being fully present, we can appreciate the beauty of life and let go of repetitive thoughts about the past.
3. Release the emotional burden:
Like baggage in the trunk of a car, our emotional attachment to past events can weigh us down. To move forward, it's vital to release negative emotions tied to the past. One powerful technique is visualizing packing up the memories in a suitcase and setting them down on a train depot platform and get on the train, leaving the baggage behind.
4. Set clear intentions:
Having a clear focus on our present goals brings purpose and direction to our lives. Just as a driver sets a destination on their GPS, establishing clear intentions helps us navigate through life without getting stuck in the past. Write down your dreams, and the steps required to achieve them. This practice will cultivate a forward-thinking mindset and keep your focus anchored in the present moment.
5. Practice gratitude:
Gratitude is a transformative practice that helps us shift our perspective from what went wrong in the past to what is going right in the present. Every day, take a moment to reflect on things you are grateful for. Embracing gratitude allows positive emotions to flood your being, making it easier to let go of past grievances and embrace the abundance around you.
Just as driving requires our attention on the road ahead, living our lives to the fullest demands an unwavering focus on the present moment. By letting go of the past, practicing mindfulness, and setting clear intentions, we can liberate ourselves from the mental loops that hold us back. Remember, the journey of life is meant to be enjoyed, and I am here to support you, every step of the way. So, buckle up, embrace the present, and let your dreams drive you forward!
If you want a little help, grab my free Mindfulness guide here!
I had failed every new year’s resolution I had ever set. I felt the deep feelings of failure, like I was being sucked into the quicksand with no way out. Looking back, the roadblocks that held me back from success were multifaceted, physical, mental, and unexpected.
Many of us have experienced roadblocks that hindered our progress towards our goals. The good thing about roadblocks is that they can provide an opportunity for all of us to grow and learn.
Physical roadblocks are perhaps the most obvious type. I had everything from being tired and sick, to having to travel for work and allowing that to hold me back. While physical roadblocks can be difficult to overcome, they can also inspire creativity and innovation. Imagine solving all your physical issues in the next month! What would be the first physical issue you would overcome? Put a plan in place to overcome. For me, I made the decision I wanted to feel good and so I figured out how to feel good.
Mental roadblocks can be more challenging to identify, as they are often internal and subjective. I had lots of mental challenges with my goals. This was the biggest aha for me. It really wasn’t about the actions I was focused on; it was about how I wanted to feel if I accomplished the goals. Have you really thought about how you want to feel? It feels so good when you truly look at how you want to feel and figure out what you need to adjust to bring that feeling into your life, moment by moment.
Some ways to feel better include using positive “What If’s” and visualization of the amazing world you have all around you. The more we immerse ourselves in an amazing world like we did as a kid, and feel it, the faster it becomes reality.
Unexpected challenges are perhaps the most difficult type of roadblock to overcome. While these roadblocks can be devastating, they can also provide an opportunity for resilience and adaptation. The crazy thing about unexpected challenges is the revealing of our strengths, and our weaknesses. By capturing these, we can focus on building our strengths and mitigate our weaknesses.
Roadblocks are an inevitable part of the journey towards achieving our goals. While they can be frustrating and demotivating, they can also provide an opportunity for growth and learning. It is often the challenges and roadblocks that we encounter that ultimately make us stronger and more resilient.
In just 7 days, you can feel better and start knocking your roadblocks out of your way with the practice of mindfulness!!! Get my free guide here!
I am going to share the most powerful secret I learned over 30 years ago!
I was sitting there, one cold December morning, sipping my Latte, my fancy journal and my favorite pen, ready to write my New Years Resolution, when all of a sudden, the WAVE of feeling like a failure, washed over me. I had failed every New Years resolution I had ever set.
It didn't matter what they were, I had failed them all. Going to the gym 5 times a week, Eating Healthy. Running 5 mornings a week, not one. I was a failure. If you have ever failed a new years resolution, you are not alone.
As I sat there, reflecting back on those failures, I began to dig. What did I want from those resolutions? The more I contemplated, the start of a tiny light began to glow. They would make me healthy. Ok, But what did I get from being healthy? I would be happy, I would be Joyful!!!
That is when I hit on the secret, it wasn't about the actions, it was about the feeling. The feeling of joy!
When was the last time you felt joy, true joy? Take yourself back to the last time you truly felt joy. For me, it was when I was a kid!
Why did I feel joyful as a kid? I LAUGHED. All day. At everything. How could I turn that into a resolution? I needed to set a goal to LAUGH 400 times a day, big enough not to measure, I am an Engineer and like to measure, and also big enough to keep me striving for joy!
As riders, our mental state is so important and the more we can find our joy, the more our horses don't have to carry our mental burden when we are with them. The more they can enjoy us and not just tune us out. You know, it might be the same with our family and friends. Imagine being around someone that is filled with joy, that would feel good!
If you are looking for a little more joy in your life, Click here to get my free guide, 3 STEPS TO ENJOY LIFE MORE!
