Be the Rider Your Horse Wants You to Be
Yesterday is gone. It can’t be redone.
Tomorrow isn’t here yet—and worry is wasted energy.
Today, right now, is where the magic happens.
Tomorrow isn’t here yet—and worry is wasted energy.
Today, right now, is where the magic happens.
One of the hardest lessons on my journey to courage was learning how to simply be me, right now, in this moment. I could feel that my horse wasn’t asking for perfection—they just wanted me present. Once I embraced that, the world opened up for us to ride.
By being grounded in the now, I could sense if my horse was tense. I could catch when my own anxiety was starting to run away with me. What helped the most was leaning into the days when I felt confident and my horse felt quiet.
Those were the days I rode.
Here are a few simple ways to be the rider your horse wants today:
- Show up as you are—no pressure to be anything more or different, your horse will know.
- Feel your emotions, all of them, good and bad, instead of fighting them.
- Observe your horse without judgment.
Today might look different than yesterday—and that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with things shifting.
You might be rebuilding trust, confidence, or connection. That journey can have ups and downs.
You might be rebuilding trust, confidence, or connection. That journey can have ups and downs.
You are not behind. You are not broken. You are capable.
You are a rider—right here, right now—doing your best.
And the beautiful part?
Riding the horse you have today, and being the rider you truly are in this moment, sets the foundation for the confident rider you’re becoming.
Riding the horse you have today, and being the rider you truly are in this moment, sets the foundation for the confident rider you’re becoming.
So take a breath.
Feel your seat in the saddle.
And meet yourself—and your horse—with compassion.
Feel your seat in the saddle.
And meet yourself—and your horse—with compassion.
This moment is enough.
And so are you.
And so are you.
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Fear Isn’t the Enemy—It’s Fuel
(You just gotta learn how to drive the fear!)
(You just gotta learn how to drive the fear!)
Alright, real talk: fear gets a bad rap. We act like it’s this emotional gremlin that’s out to ruin our lives—make us freeze, take flight, or freak the heck out. But guess what? Fear isn’t out to wreck you. It’s actually trying to help you. It’s just...not super subtle about it.
The trick isn’t to get rid of fear.
The trick is to reframe it.
Think of it like a scared horse—powerful, unpredictable, and unsure at first. But with the right focus and our steady support? That horse finds its courage and confidence, no matter the situation.
And guess what? We can do that for ourselves, too.
Think of it like a scared horse—powerful, unpredictable, and unsure at first. But with the right focus and our steady support? That horse finds its courage and confidence, no matter the situation.
And guess what? We can do that for ourselves, too.
So, first up: Reframe. That jittery feeling in your chest? Not weakness. Not failure. That’s your body saying, “Something big is happening—pay attention.” Turn fear from a stop sign into a spotlight. It’s not blocking you. It’s guiding you.
Next: Regulate. Take a breath. No seriously—breathe. Your brain can’t make brave decisions when it thinks you're being chased by a bear. Fear needs a leader, not a meltdown. You’re the rider here. Grab the reins and steer. It is great practice for being a leader for our horses too!
And finally: Redirect. Use that fear energy to move. Speak the truth. Ask the question. Take the leap. Saddle up and ride toward what truly matters—because when fear meets purpose? That’s when you stop panicking and start focusing on what brings you joy!
So here’s a tip from your slightly silly (ok, I admit it, majorly silly) courage coach:
Stop wasting energy fighting fear or letting it hold you back. Harness it. Use it. Let it guide you into courage. Because fear + focus = unstoppable you.
Stop wasting energy fighting fear or letting it hold you back. Harness it. Use it. Let it guide you into courage. Because fear + focus = unstoppable you.
If you want to hear a bit more, check out my latest podcast: Transform Fear into Focus
Don't Let Your Courage Pennies Rot in the Jar!!!
(aka spend them like you mean it)
(aka spend them like you mean it)
You ever saved up a bunch of something—money, chocolate, PTO days—only to realize you never actually used it when it mattered? Yeah. Courage pennies work the same way. You earn them when take action in spite of fear, you save to use when you need them, but if you never spend them when you could let them help you conquer fear, what’s the point?
I mean, are we just collecting them like emotional pacifiers?
No, friend. We’re not here to hoard bravery like it’s going out of style. You’ve earned courage the hard way—by doing the scary things, even the small ones. Putting your foot in the stirrup again. Speaking your truth. Saying “nope” to the voice in your head that tells you you're not ready.
You don’t need to wait for the stars to align or your confidence to hit 100%. That’s not how this works. You spend courage before you feel ready—and that’s when the real growth happens.
So here’s a friendly tip from your slightly silly (ok, I admit it, majorly silly) courage coach:
Start using your courage pennies before they get dusty. Cash ‘em in. Try the thing. Say yes to the adventure. Speak up. Saddle up. Mess up. Laugh about it later.
Because bravery isn’t some mountaintop you summit once and take a selfie. It’s a currency. And the more you spend it? The more it comes back to you with interest.
So go on. Saddle up and ride! 🐴
Your courage bank is open for business.
If you have not read all about the courage pennies and how to save them, check out the courage penny eBook!!! Grab your Courage Pennies Here!
One of the fastest ways to grow your confidence—especially around horses—is to start celebrating the small wins.
I’m not talking about the big, flashy breakthroughs. I’m talking about the quiet moments you might miss:
- You and your horse take some deep breaths.
- You stayed calm even when they spooked.
- You showed up, even though part of you didn’t want to, or you didn't feel like it.
Those wins? They matter.
But noticing them isn’t always natural—especially if you're used to brushing past progress and pushing for more. So here’s how to turn celebration into a habit:
1. Celebrate in the Moment
When something goes right, pause. Smile. Let it register in your body.
Even better? Say it out loud:
Even better? Say it out loud:
“That’s it. That’s my win right there.”
This tiny moment of acknowledgment helps rewire your brain to notice the good more easily. And that changes everything—your energy, your confidence, and how your horse feels around you.
2. Write It Down
At the end of your session (or your day), take 30 seconds to jot down one small win.
You don’t need a fancy journal. A note in your phone or a scrap of paper works just fine.
You don’t need a fancy journal. A note in your phone or a scrap of paper works just fine.
Example:
“April 5: My horse stood still while I adjusted the girth. I didn’t rush. We both stayed calm.”
“April 5: My horse stood still while I adjusted the girth. I didn’t rush. We both stayed calm.”
This simple act helps you track progress and reminds you that you’re doing better than you think.
3. Build the Habit with a Cue
Want this to stick? Anchor it to something you already do. For example (Pick just one thing to anchor to):
- Think about your wins while pulling off your boots
- While brushing your horse's mane after a ride
- As you close the gate
Every time you hit that moment, ask yourself:
“What went well today?”
The more you ask, the more your brain starts to look for answers automatically—and that’s where the magic starts.
If you would like to hear more, listen to my latest podcast: The Magic of Small Wins
I cringe when I see people getting on horses while nothing about the situation is calm or relaxed. Maybe you’ve seen it too—or lived it. Tense rider. Fidgety horse. No one breathing. That used to be me, until I learned better.
Now, the very first thing I do with my horses is make sure they are standing quietly before I even think about getting on. And honestly? If all we do in a session is get calm and stand still for mounting—that’s a great session. No need to rush past that and miss something.
Having someone hold your horse is totally fine if your horse is already calm and it’s just for your anxiety. That’s a smart and supportive step. But if someone is holding your horse because it won’t stand still? You’re setting yourself up for bigger issues down the road or an accident now. You’re skipping the foundation.
And here’s the good news: this is one of the easiest things I’ve ever taught a horse, besides ground tying.
Let me paint the picture. I have off-the-track thoroughbreds. They’re used to fast, high-pressure situations—jockeys getting tossed on while the horse is already moving. So we’re not starting from zero calm. And still, this works.
Here’s what I do:
- Tack up like it’s a regular ride. I want them used to the full experience.
- Use the round pen fence. I sit up there and ask the horse to walk under me, like I’m going to mount. If they move, I gently ask them to back or move side to side a few times, then ask again. I repeat until they walk up and stand quietly under me from both directions.
- On the ground. I stand beside them like I would to mount—except I’m short and they’re tall, so we both pretend. If they move, we do a few steps of groundwork, then try again. I don’t give up until they stand still on both sides.
- Mounting block, trailer fenders, tree stumps—you name it. I do the same work from every mounting scenario I can find.
Some people mount from both sides once the horse is solid, and that’s great. But I stick with the left. It’s what feels easiest and safest for me, especially with anxiety in the mix. And easy is good.
The #1 KEY:
The horse must stand quietly for mounting.
That’s it. That’s the key.
If you’re struggling with riding confidence, anxious energy, or a horse that fidgets while you’re trying to get on—start here. Calm before climb. You’ll both feel the difference.
For additional mounting tips, listen to my latest podcast - Episode 95: Confident Mounting: 3 Essential Steps for Every Rider
