Most riders think confidence comes from miles in the saddle…
But the truth is, confidence comes from the mind skills you practice long before your foot ever hits the stirrup.
After coaching riders for years (and taking twenty long years to rebuild my own confidence the slow way), I’ve learned that three mental skills make the biggest difference in whether a rider spirals into fear… or rises into courage.
Here are the three mind skills every rider needs to build confidence:
1. Focus: Train Your Attention Like You Train Your Horse
Where your focus goes, your nervous system follows.
Most riders unintentionally feed fear by focusing on:
What might go wrong
What happened last time
What they don’t want
Focus is a skill, not a personality trait.
Confident riders learn to anchor their attention in the present moment, not in the past or the future.
A simple practice:
Pick one small “now” cue before every ride — your breath, your hands on the reins, your horse’s ears.
This breaks the fear loop and signals your brain that you’re safe. Let that cue bring you right back to now.
2. Flexibility: The Ability to Pivot Before Fear Explodes
Horses aren’t rigid, and we should follow their lead.
Fear builds when we tighten up and push through instead of adjusting early.
Mental flexibility means:
Noticing the first whisper of tension
Pivoting your plan when needed
Allowing yourself to regroup without judgment
It’s the same skill we use with our horses:
We help them before they blow up.
We respond to the first sign, not the meltdown.
Riders thrive when they extend that same compassion and responsiveness to themselves.
3. Fun: The Confidence Builder Most Riders Forget
Fear shrinks when joy grows.
Fun isn’t childish — it’s fuel for your nervous system.
When you intentionally create small moments of joy, your brain starts associating riding with safety, success, and connection instead of threat.
Fun might look like:
A relaxed walk in the pasture
A silly game
A ride with no agenda
A win you let yourself celebrate
If your training doesn’t include fun, your confidence will always feel fragile.
Final Thought
Confidence isn’t an accident — it’s built through focus, flexibility, and fun.
These three mind skills changed everything for me, and they can change everything for you too.
If you want help strengthening these skills and rebuilding your confidence faster (not the 20-year version!), book your Calm-Ride Strategy Call and let’s create your personalized path forward.
Have you ever noticed how your outlook on life can shift dramatically based on how you choose to perceive things? That’s the real power of reframing. Our thoughts are incredibly influential, shaping our feelings and ultimately, our reality.
Imagine you're stuck in traffic. Your initial thoughts might be yucky, full of frustration and impatience. These thoughts can make you feel stressed and negative. But what if you paused for a moment and changed those thoughts just a little bit? Consider the traffic as a chance to listen to your favorite podcast or an opportunity to practice patience. Suddenly, those medium thoughts start to shift your mood from tense to calm.
Now, let’s take it a step further. What if you reframed your thoughts into amazing ones? Rather than seeing the traffic as a hindrance, view it as a time for personal growth, a moment to focus on gratitude, or even a reminder of life’s unpredictable journey. These amazing thoughts can transform your feelings into positivity, hope, and contentment.
By deliberately choosing to reframe your thoughts, you empower yourself to change your feelings. It’s a gentle reminder that while we can’t control every circumstance, we can control how we respond through our thoughts. We can choose to change the story we tell ourselves into something that feels amazing. This works riding our horses too!
So the next time you find yourself caught in a spiral of yucky thoughts, remember the magic of reframing. Shift those thoughts from negative to amazing, and watch as your feelings follow suit, leading to a happier and more fulfilled life.
When you need a bit of help with working through this, get on my schedule for a free call and let's get you headed in the right direction and feeling amazing!
Calm riding doesn’t start in the saddle. It starts with how you show up—mentally, emotionally, and physically. Horses feel everything. If you’re tense, distracted, or rushing, they’ll mirror that energy. But when you bring calm, they respond in kind. Leave the monkey mind at home and really be present with your horse, it changes everything.
Here’s my go-to checklist for creating a peaceful ride:
1. Breathe First
Before you halter your horse, I love to do 3 "Ferris Wheel" Rounds or square breathing works great too. Let your shoulders drop. Let your thoughts settle. This simple pause sets the tone for connection.
Before you halter your horse, I love to do 3 "Ferris Wheel" Rounds or square breathing works great too. Let your shoulders drop. Let your thoughts settle. This simple pause sets the tone for connection.
2. Set a Clear Intention
Decide what kind of ride you want—not in terms of goals, but energy. Maybe it’s “softness,” “patience,” or “quiet communication.” Your intention becomes your anchor.
Decide what kind of ride you want—not in terms of goals, but energy. Maybe it’s “softness,” “patience,” or “quiet communication.” Your intention becomes your anchor.
3. Check Your Body
Scan for tension. Are your shoulders tight? Is your jaw clenched? Release it. Your horse will follow your lead—especially when your body speaks calm.
Scan for tension. Are your shoulders tight? Is your jaw clenched? Release it. Your horse will follow your lead—especially when your body speaks calm.
4. Simplify the Ask
Start with something easy. A relaxed walk. A gentle bend. Build trust through clarity, not complexity. When you simplify, your horse can succeed—and so can you.
Start with something easy. A relaxed walk. A gentle bend. Build trust through clarity, not complexity. When you simplify, your horse can succeed—and so can you.
5. End with Peace
No matter how the ride goes, finish with softness. A quiet walk. A loose rein. A shared breath. Let the final moment be one of calm.
No matter how the ride goes, finish with softness. A quiet walk. A loose rein. A shared breath. Let the final moment be one of calm.
This checklist isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence. When you show up with intention and softness, your horse feels it. And together, you create something peaceful—ride after ride.
Here is a link to my Pre-Ride checklists which help make sure you and your horse are calm before you ever get into the saddle! Get your own checklists here (free)!
After my accident, every ride felt like a loop of “What if my horse rears?” That fear shaped everything. Then I bought Taika—a horse who had flipped in the starting gate and fractured her skull. Her rides were dominated by “What if I rear again?” I could feel it in her body, her breath, her hesitation. We were mirrors for each other. Our shared fear created a feedback loop neither of us could escape.
It took years to unravel. We discovered Taika had kissing spine—the physical root of her rearing. Fixing that was the first step. The second was healing the emotional memory. That took time, trust, and patience. But once her pain was gone, and the fear softened, she became a calm, willing partner. And in helping her heal, I healed too.
Together, we created a new “What If.”
What if we have a calm, relaxed ride?
What if we have a calm, relaxed ride?
That became our mantra. Sometimes she leads it. Sometimes I do. But we always finish in peace.
Here’s what helped us change the story:
- Find the root. Behavior is communication. Look for physical pain, emotional triggers, or past trauma—on both sides.
- Reframe the memory. Laughter helped us rewrite the story. We stopped replaying the worst moments and started celebrating the small wins.
- Choose a new “What If.” Make it your mantra. Say it before every ride. Let it guide your energy and expectations.
Your horse’s behavior isn’t a problem—it’s a message. And sometimes, it’s a mirror. When you listen to it, honor it, and respond with curiosity, everything begins to shift.
I would love to be the mirror for your "What if's" and help you find your peace and calm riding again. Schedule a Calm-Ride Strategy call (it is free) and we will look at how to change your what if's and give you a plan that works for you. Get on my schedule here!
We’ve all been there—riding along when suddenly our horse spooks at something seemingly harmless: a gust of wind, a squirrel, a shadow. But what if the real trigger isn’t the environment… it’s us?
Horses are prey animals, wired to detect subtle shifts in energy and emotion. They don’t just respond to what’s around them—they respond to us. When we ride with fear, tension, or anticipation of something going wrong, our horse picks up on it. That nervous energy becomes part of the moment, and suddenly, the rustling leaves feel like a threat.
I used to think my horse was just “spooky.” But over time, I realized he was reacting to me. My tight grip, shallow breathing, and hyper-focus on potential dangers were sending signals that something was wrong—even when it wasn’t.
Here’s what I learned:
- Fear is contagious. Horses mirror our emotional state. If we’re anxious, they become alert. If we’re calm, they settle.
- Focus matters. When we fixate on what might spook our horse, we unintentionally amplify it. Instead, redirect your focus to what’s going well—your rhythm, your connection, your breath.
- Confidence is a skill. You don’t have to be fearless—you just need tools to manage fear. Grounding exercises, breathwork, and mindset shifts can help you ride with clarity instead of tension.
The truth is, most horses aren’t spooked by nature. They’re spooked by the energy we (or the herd) bring to it. Wind, wildlife, and weather are part of their world. But when we layer fear on top of those elements, we create a story they start to believe.
So next time your horse spooks, ask yourself: Was I already bracing for it? If the answer is yes, don’t beat yourself up—just get curious. Because the more we understand our own psychology, the better leaders we become in the saddle.
