As riders, we get pretty good at reading our horses. We notice the flick of an ear, the tightening of a muscle, or that quick intake of breath. We step in before fear escalates, giving our horse the reassurance and structure they need to feel safe.
But when it comes to our own fear? We tend to do the exact opposite. We ignore it, fight it, or push ourselves harder until it finally explodes—loud, messy, and usually at the worst possible time.
Here are three of the biggest mistakes riders make when battling fear—and the better way forward.
🐴 Mistake #1: Trying to ignore fear completely
We wouldn’t dream of ignoring a horse who’s anxious and jittery, so why do we expect ourselves to “just push through”? When fear is shoved down, it doesn’t disappear—it builds pressure until it bursts.
We wouldn’t dream of ignoring a horse who’s anxious and jittery, so why do we expect ourselves to “just push through”? When fear is shoved down, it doesn’t disappear—it builds pressure until it bursts.
The shift: Instead of silencing fear, acknowledge it. Treat it like you would your horse’s signals—valuable information about what’s going on. Naming it takes away its power. Use the information to find your calm before continuing.
🐴 Mistake #2: Comparing yourself to other riders
You’ve probably said it before: “She doesn’t get scared—why can’t I be like that?” But comparison is like throwing fuel on fear’s fire. Horses don’t all react the same way, and neither do people. Your fear doesn’t make you less of a rider—it makes you human.
You’ve probably said it before: “She doesn’t get scared—why can’t I be like that?” But comparison is like throwing fuel on fear’s fire. Horses don’t all react the same way, and neither do people. Your fear doesn’t make you less of a rider—it makes you human.
The shift: Focus on your own progress, not someone else’s timeline. Celebrate the quiet victories—mounting without hesitation, breathing deeply in the arena, taking one confident step at a time. Celebration instead of comparison will have your confidence filling up in no time.
🐴 Mistake #3: Jumping ahead too fast
Imagine asking a nervous horse to go from spooking at a leaf to calmly hacking down a busy road in one day. That would backfire, right? Yet we often demand the same of ourselves—rushing into situations we’re not ready for, then feeling crushed when it doesn’t go well.
Imagine asking a nervous horse to go from spooking at a leaf to calmly hacking down a busy road in one day. That would backfire, right? Yet we often demand the same of ourselves—rushing into situations we’re not ready for, then feeling crushed when it doesn’t go well.
The shift: Slow it down. Build layer upon layer of trust, just like you would with your horse. Small, consistent steps create confidence that lasts. Go just to the edge of your comfort zone and take one step, not 20.
Your horse needs patience, compassion, and structure when they’re afraid—and so do you. The next time fear whispers (or shouts), remember: you can choose to respond to yourself with the same care you give your horse. That’s where real confidence begins.
If you would like a little help building your confidence, schedule a Calm-Ride Strategy call and I can help you with planning your next few steps and accomplishing them.
I remember my first few rounds in the big Grand Prix field. I went in to the ring terrified. I had jumped the jumps at home, but in the big ring, they looked huge. Instead of taking a deep breath and reframing the fear to how much fun it was going to be compete in the big ring, a dream I had had for a long time, I froze in the saddle. I made it around the course the first two times and then the third was a wreck because I had become so stiff my horse was having to jump in spite of me.
As riders, we spend so much time learning to read our horses.
We know the flick of an ear, a swish of the tail, or a tight back can all mean, “Something isn’t right.” And we don’t wait until they’re blowing up to respond—we step in early, calm them, and guide them through it before things spiral.
But here’s the thing: most of us don’t give ourselves that same kind of care.
Instead of listening to our own subtle signals, we push past them. We shrug off the sweaty palms, the tight shoulders, the butterflies in our tummies, the nervous chatter in our heads. We tell ourselves, “Just get on with it.” And when we ignore those whispers? That’s when fear has no choice but to get louder—until it’s screaming at us in the middle of a ride.
Your fear isn’t trying to sabotage you. It’s trying to get your attention, just like your horse does when he’s bothered. The problem is, we only pay attention once it’s escalated.
What if you treated yourself like you do your horse?
That means:
- Noticing the first signs of unease (your whispers).
- Acknowledging them instead of bulldozing past.
- Reframing those triggers into something constructive. - Just like we would do with our horse.
Example: instead of “I can’t do this, I’m going to mess up,” reframe it as “This is me stretching my comfort zone, and that means growth.” Then practice that new thought the same way you’d practice a transition—calm, clear, and consistent.
Your horse learns trust and confidence when you step in early and guide him through the little things. You can build the same trust with yourself. Catch the whispers before they become shouts, and your fear doesn’t have to run the show.
Because here’s the truth: you and your horse both deserve that level of attention.
Want to feel like you’re getting coached by me—in your own place to recognize the whispers and change them?
The Confidence Blueprint is like having me in your corner—guiding you through 9 simple, powerful principles to rebuild your confidence from the inside out.
This isn’t fluff. It’s a framework I use with my private clients—and you can start today.
All for just $17—for a limited time.
It’s more than a PDF. It’s a private workshop in your back pocket.
You want to ride, but your body freezes, standing there frozen at the mounting block. My first time back, it was get on and take 4 steps. Seemed so small but I celebrated.
Maybe it’s been months… or even years since you last felt truly confident in the saddle. And now, every “what if” in the book is swirling through your head.
I know that feeling all too well, you are not alone.
After my accident, it wasn’t days or weeks to overcome the anxiety—it turned into years. One terrifying moment stole twenty years of my confidence.
That’s the part nobody tells you. Anxiety doesn’t just steal a few minutes of peace—it can quietly rob you of seasons, memories, and joy with your horse.
And when you’re in it, you feel completely alone. Everyone else looks like they’re having fun, while you’re fighting back nausea and trying to convince yourself to just swing a leg over.
But here’s the truth: you are not alone. What you’re feeling is more common than you realize. Riders everywhere, of every age and experience level, struggle with this exact same battle between heart and mind.
And here’s the other truth: you don’t have to stay stuck.
I learned the hard way, over twenty long years, how to rebuild my confidence. And now, after working with riders one-on-one, I’ve discovered something important: you don’t have to wait decades to get your confidence back.
Instead of fighting with your nerves, you can reset. Clear out the “what if” skeletons, start fresh, and rebuild from a place of calm. It begins with one simple belief: riding anxiety doesn’t make you weak—it’s actually pointing you toward the exact place where growth can happen. You can grow through your anxiety and improve all areas of your life (shockingly!).
When you learn to see your anxiety not as an enemy, but as a guide, everything shifts. You start focusing on what you can do, step by step, until confidence becomes second nature again. Get on and get back off. Walk a circle. Walk a figure eight. You anxiety helps you prepare and your confidence gets built one step at a time. Pick your first steps.
And you don’t have to figure out your next steps alone.
I’d love to hear your story—how long it’s been for you, and where you feel stuck. And if you’re ready for deeper support, you can grab a free Calm-Ride Strategy Call with me, and we’ll create a plan to get you back in the saddle with confidence.
Because you are not alone. And your way forward is waiting.
Well, if you had asked me that a few years ago, I probably would’ve said… twenty years.
Twenty years.
Because that’s how long it took me to claw my way back after one terrifying moment shattered my confidence.
Sixty seconds of panic stole decades of courage.
That’s the truth—and yes, that’s heartbreaking.
That’s the truth—and yes, that’s heartbreaking.
But it’s also why I do what I do now.
Because I don’t want it to take you twenty years.
Because I don’t want it to take you twenty years.
When I was rebuilding my confidence, I had no roadmap. I fought my way through every book, every clinic, every self-help approach and therapists. The process worked—eventually. It was solid. It was necessary. But it was also slow.
And time is something we don’t get back.
I even wrote a book about that long road back—and it’s a good one, full of helpful strategies.
But if I were starting over today, I’d change the beginning, then follow the process I put in the book.
But if I were starting over today, I’d change the beginning, then follow the process I put in the book.
I’d start at the end.
I know—sounds backward.
But what I’ve learned over the last two years changes everything.
But what I’ve learned over the last two years changes everything.
The end of my journey—where I finally reset the fear, cleared the nerves, and felt like me again—is now the beginning of the process I walk my clients through.
And it works.
Sometimes in just one or two 40-minute sessions.
I’m talking about deep nervous system reset.
Not just mindset pep talks.
Real rewiring that lets you start clean—like the fearless kid you used to be, before the “What ifs” took over.
Does it still take mindfulness and follow-up?
Yes.
But instead of crawling back over years, you get a head start.
You start with confidence in the saddle—and then you build strength to hold it.
Yes.
But instead of crawling back over years, you get a head start.
You start with confidence in the saddle—and then you build strength to hold it.
So, if you’re wondering how long it really takes to get your confidence back…
The answer is:
Not as long as you think.
Not as long as you think.
Not anymore.
And if you’re ready to explore that kind of reset, I’d love to walk you through it.
Book a free Calm-Ride Strategy Call and let’s get you started where most people finish.
Book a free Calm-Ride Strategy Call and let’s get you started where most people finish.
The fear sat around stewing in my head like it belonged there after my accident.
It replayed itself in high definition. Over and over. The fall. The moment everything changed. I couldn’t stop seeing it—feeling it—like my brain had decided it was the most important event of my life.
Someone once told me that we only remember 8 or 9 bits of data out of the millions that happen in any moment.
And when I heard that, I paused.
Because if my brain was only going to remember a few bits… why did it have to be the worst ones?
Why not choose better memory bits?
Why not turn the memory into something useful… or even funny?
I started imagining the whole thing like a Saturday morning cartoon.
ACME-style.
Wile E. Coyote. Foghorn Leghorn. Bugs Bunny.
Maybe I flew through the air with a comically long whistle. Maybe a puff of dust where I hit the ground. Maybe I stood up, hair frazzled, holding a crooked sign that said, “Well, that escalated quickly!”
ACME-style.
Wile E. Coyote. Foghorn Leghorn. Bugs Bunny.
Maybe I flew through the air with a comically long whistle. Maybe a puff of dust where I hit the ground. Maybe I stood up, hair frazzled, holding a crooked sign that said, “Well, that escalated quickly!”
And I laughed.
That laughter cracked something open.
The grip fear had on me loosened.
The grip fear had on me loosened.
Because I wasn’t stuck inside the memory anymore—I was re-authoring it.
Falling Off Hurts — But It Doesn’t Get to Write Your Future
3 Steps to Regain Confidence After a Fall
Step 1: Acknowledge What Happened Without Letting It Define You
Don’t minimize it. Don’t dramatize it. Just say it like it is:
“I fell. It scared me. But I’m still here. And I’m choosing to heal.”
Your brain wants resolution. It wants safety. And naming the truth without judgment is step one.
Step 2: Choose Better Bits (Yes, Even the Funny Ones)
You get to choose what parts of the memory stay active.
Was your horse already apologizing with their eyes?
Did you land in a way that made you look like a lawn dart?
Can you picture Bugs Bunny calmly munching a carrot nearby?
Was your horse already apologizing with their eyes?
Did you land in a way that made you look like a lawn dart?
Can you picture Bugs Bunny calmly munching a carrot nearby?
Let your imagination play with it.
Laughter rewires fear. It creates safety. It gives you back your power.
Step 3: Rebuild With Repetition and Momentum
Start small. Groom your horse. Breathe next to them. Go for a short walk.
Then ride at the walk. Then the trot. No pressure. Just presence.
Then ride at the walk. Then the trot. No pressure. Just presence.
Confidence isn’t built by pretending you’re not afraid.
It’s built by proving—bit by bit—that you’re safe again.
It’s built by proving—bit by bit—that you’re safe again.
And each small success?
Another bit worth remembering.
You’re Not Broken — You’re Becoming
You don’t have to go back to who you were.
You can become someone wiser. Stronger. Kinder to yourself.
You can become someone wiser. Stronger. Kinder to yourself.
And if you need help choosing the better bits?
Let’s talk. Book your free Calm-Ride Strategy Call and let’s create your new story—one built on courage, joy, and maybe a little bit of Bugs Bunny. 🥕
