There I was, in the pasture—and I was terrified.
My off-the-track mare was aggressive, and I was timid.
The worst combination for horses and humans.
My off-the-track mare was aggressive, and I was timid.
The worst combination for horses and humans.
She bit me square in the back when I didn’t even know she was behind me.
She kicked another horse—who landed on me—twice.
She even bit my arm and tore the sleeve of my hoodie.
She kicked another horse—who landed on me—twice.
She even bit my arm and tore the sleeve of my hoodie.
I felt hopeless.
We had a vacation planned and some neighbor kids coming to care for the horses.
Something had to change—and fast.
Something had to change—and fast.
If you're feeling timid around your horse, or unaware of what's happening around you, here’s the truth:
You can’t afford to stay in that place.
But you can become the Lead Mare.
Step 1: Become the Lead Mare in Your Mind
Start with your energy. Think about the traits of a true Lead Mare:
- Calm
- Confident
- Strong presence
- Clear communication
- Mindfulness in the moment
She doesn’t shrink back. She knows what’s happening in her herd.
You can start with just one of these traits—practice it daily.
Or fill up with all of them at once. Walk taller. Speak with clarity.
Lead from within.
Or fill up with all of them at once. Walk taller. Speak with clarity.
Lead from within.
Step 2: Find Your "Ears, Tail, and Kick"—aka the Flag
Unlike horses, we don’t have ears to pin, tails to swish, or hooves to kick.
But we do have tools.
But we do have tools.
My favorite? A dressage whip with a plastic bag or flag on the end.
They became my body, my ears, my tail swish, and my kick—all in one.
They became my body, my ears, my tail swish, and my kick—all in one.
But here's the trick:
- Keep the flag down by your feet.
- Use your energy first.
- If that doesn't work, lift the flag just a little (like pinning ears).
- If still no response, wave it like a tail swish.
- Still nothing? WAVE IT MADLY like you mean it.
Exactly what a lead mare would do.
Step 3: Set Bigger Boundaries Than You Think You Need
This was the hardest—and most crucial—part for me.
At first, I had to be overly assertive to stay safe.
My boundary? A solid 50 feet.
If my mare even looked at me sideways, I waved that flag hard until she relaxed or turned away.
My boundary? A solid 50 feet.
If my mare even looked at me sideways, I waved that flag hard until she relaxed or turned away.
And the moment she did, I dropped the flag. Instant reward.
Over time, I allowed her closer—but only when she earned it with calm, respectful energy.
Over time, I allowed her closer—but only when she earned it with calm, respectful energy.
The wild part?
Once I became her clear, confident leader, she became kinder to the other horses too.
Once I became her clear, confident leader, she became kinder to the other horses too.
Final Thought:
We’re all guilty of trying to be nice… of not wanting to hurt our horse’s feelings.
But here’s the deal:
Wimpy energy creates dangerous horses.
Wimpy energy creates dangerous horses.
Don’t apologize for setting clear boundaries.
Don’t second-guess your strength.
Stand in your power, be clear, be fair—and lead like the mare you are.
Don’t second-guess your strength.
Stand in your power, be clear, be fair—and lead like the mare you are.
Want help stepping into your lead mare energy—and finding your calm?
Do you want to overcome anxiety with a little extra help?
Let’s explore breaking free from anxiety and stepping into calm, confident leadership—both in and out of the pasture.
Let’s explore breaking free from anxiety and stepping into calm, confident leadership—both in and out of the pasture.
I’ve helped clients with both courage coaching and hypnotherapy to overcome anxiety and enjoy life (and horses!) again.
Schedule your free Courage Chat now and take the first step toward finding your calm:
Courage Chat!
Courage Chat!
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