It was a simple Christmas party that I had a few people coming over for. It was not my choice. I would have avoided it if it had not been my husband's kids. I started to think, why would I have avoided a simple dinner party with just a few people. I realized, I was afraid of being afraid. I was afraid of things going wrong, but more than that, I was afraid to relax and enjoy the evening. I had developed a fear of fear, and it led me to almost becoming a recluse.
Fear is a natural response, meant to protect us from harm. But what happens when fear itself becomes the thing we fear most? Many people get stuck in a cycle where they aren’t just afraid of a situation—they’re afraid of feeling afraid.
This builds a fear of becoming afraid and shuts us down before we even try.
Fear triggers a physiological response—racing heart, shallow breathing, tense muscles. When we experience this repeatedly, our minds begin associating fear itself with danger. We start avoiding anything that could bring up that dreaded feeling, even if the situation itself isn’t truly harmful.
For example, if you've had a bad fall while horseback riding, you may not only fear riding again—you might start fearing the nervousness that comes with getting back in the saddle. The fear of fear becomes bigger than the fear of falling itself.
Breaking Free from the Fear of Fear
1. Recognize the Pattern
The first step is awareness. Acknowledge that you’re not just afraid of an experience—you’re afraid of how fear feels. This realization alone can give you some power back.
2. Shift Your Perspective on Fear
Instead of seeing fear as a threat, reframe it as a signal. Fear is just your body’s way of preparing you for action. What if, instead of resisting it, you allowed yourself to feel it without judgment?
3. Expose Yourself Gradually
Confidence isn’t built by avoiding fear—it’s built by facing it in small, manageable steps. If riding again feels overwhelming, start by spending time around horses, then progress at your own pace.
4. Use Your Breath
Fear tightens the body, but deep, intentional breathing can release that tension. Try inhaling for four counts, holding for four, and exhaling for six. This helps signal safety to your nervous system. As you exhale, picture the fear and anxiety flowing out of you, out your breath, out your fingers and your toes. As you inhale, feel confidence filling you up.
5. Fill Up with Courage
Fear loses its grip when you actively focus on courage. Picture yourself succeeding. Remind yourself of past moments when you have overcome fear. The more you fill up with courage, the less room fear has to take over.
Confidence Comes from Action
You don’t need to wait for fear to disappear to take action. True confidence comes from moving forward with fear, proving to yourself that you can handle it. When you stop fearing fear, you free yourself to step into the courageous, confident person you’re meant to be.
I can help you explore breaking free from anxiety and stepping into calm. Book your free chat now and take the first step toward finding your calm. I have helped clients with both courage coaching and hypnotherapy to overcome their anxiety and enjoy life again. Schedule your free chat here!
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