Your horse is just dozing off, circling to lay down and get a good sleep in, when cars go whizzing by and startle him. Your horse starts to doze off again when a truck uses its airbrake to slow down, and your horse is once again startled awake. All through the night, the noises continue, sometimes less, sometimes more, deep sleep just isn't possible on most nights. Your horse is exhausted and trying to tell you, they need sleep. They try really hard to be good but little things shock them, or they start to see things as they are being ridden.
You try everything, but nothing seems to help. You take your horse to a show and there, he is so good, he sleeps deeply, and is refreshed for once. You ride and he just seems like a different horse. It isn't conscious really, but you can feel the shift. One day, you move barns, and all of a sudden, your horse is different. Now, not only is he trying to be good, but he is good. He is different, relaxed, calm in his being. It takes some time, but you finally make the connection, he was sleep deprived.
It can be anything. It can be the neighbors' donkeys braying all night or the packs of coyotes hunting and howling all around the property. It can be PTSD from past trauma that is keeping the horse from getting a deep sleep. It can even be a horse with restless leg syndrome, that runs in their sleep and tears their legs up. These horses need compassion and understanding. They are trying to tell us something that we often don't think about.
I do night checks here usually around 10pm and I can tell you, it is loud. Owls, coyotes, fox (which sound like women screaming), and any number of other critters hooping and hollering. I now know why my horses lay down and sleep hard in the warm morning sun. It is so quiet here in the mornings.
If you horse is always on edge, or just can't seem to fix the training issues, expand your vision. Look outside what you have thought about. I would have never really thought of this but the freeway to a quiet place was drastic and dramatic and is a great example of taking a step back and really looking at the big picture along with the daily details.
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There were 60 of us, sitting in folding chairs in an arena, with horses and ponies running all over the place. The first couple of people to do an exercise looked like it was very challenging. There was one pretty gray arab mare that was frazzled. She looked like she had ADHD and was just freaked out.
My turn came to do an exercise in front of the crowd. I picked the frazzled gray mare as my partner, I thought we both needed each other. The first assignment was to have the horse stand still, and for me to walk around the horse. That horse was all over the place, and it was hard to even get two steps around her before she was off doing something else. This was all at liberty of course.
The second exercise was to stand still and have the horse walk around us. My gut reaction, "I CAN'T DO THIS!" As soon as I had the thought, a feeling came over me, I can do this. It was an overwhelming whisper, deep inside. I went to the center of the arena and closed my eyes. I pictured her going around me and I felt my heart connected to her heart. I would glance up every once in a while, and there she was, calm, quiet, peaceful, walking around me. I thought let's see what we can do. I pictured her coming in closer and she did. I pictured her going out further and she did. I pictured her changing directions, and she did. I pictured her trotting quietly with her head low and she did.
Our exercise was supposed to be 10 minutes, but for 30 minutes, we were there, in the center, connected heart to heart. The audience was silent. In their own thoughts of wonder. The owner of the horse and the practitioners were in shock.
I finally just stopped, and she came to me and pressed her head into my chest, and we just breathed together. In that moment, I knew for the rest of my life, when I had doubt, I would think of the pretty gray mare and know, "I CAN".
This was the most powerful moment I have ever had in my life. It was a precious gift from God.
That quickness of breath, the sweaty palms, the tension rising in the body happens to me when I think about my accident. The interesting thing is watching my horses and realizing that they also feel the memories of accidents. I can see their neck arch, their breathing increases, maybe even to the point of snorting, and their whole-body fills with tension.
I am so good at working with my horses, to help them overcome their memories of accidents. But I wasn't as good at doing the same thing for me and I really started to look at the differences. With my horses, I would teach them to relax. I have a few favorite tools that I use to get them "up" and then I show them how to relax. I have to change their memory of what happened by showing them a different way to be, showing them, they are in control of their emotion.
Wow, showing them control. That is also the key for us, or at least it was for me. I looked back at the accident, and I dissected it. What led up to it? How did it happen? Were there signs I could have seen before it happened? Even if I didn't know the answers, I could put the things in place to at least going forward, control the pre-accident situation.
It was so powerful to put the pieces into place to know that I had prepared myself to prevent future accidents. Can they still happen, yes, but that feeling of control helped in the recovery from the accident mentally. It built my confidence and courage and allowed me to continue enjoying riding. I really thought about a car accident I had; did it stop me from driving? Why let the horse accident stop me from riding?
The pieces I put in place are my pre-ride checklists. One for the rider, is my mind right. And one for the horse, are they ready to be ridden. I feel like a pilot checking out an airplane before a flight. It is methodical. It is predefined. They follow it exactly, every time they fly. It prevents accidents to the best of the ability. We can do the same for riding our horses and bring a piece of mind, even after an accident.
If you enjoyed this, you might enjoy my free guide: 3 Ways to Stop Panic
This applies to so many things in life! What if I lose my job, my money, my health, etc.? There are so many things in life that can pull us into the "What if" bucket. Horses and people that have had an accident with a horse, seem to send the what if imagination into overdrive. How do we turn that around?
Here are my thoughts.
1. It takes observation! When we notice we have a negative what if thought, about anything, switch it to something positive. Example: What if I fall off my horse? STOP! Change it to What if I have an amazing, relaxing ride! What if's haven't happened yet, so why not pick things that make us feel good instead of picking stuff that makes us feel bad?
2. We can practice. Sit on your couch, or better yet, lay down in the yard watching the clouds go by, doesn't matter but get comfortable. Bring up your BIG what if. Think about it. Notice how you emotionally feel. Notice how you physically feel. Then create an amazing what if. Put a lot of detail into it. Put all your senses into it. Example: What if we have a lovely ride. We are in sync, and I can feel the rhythm of my horse's feet. We feel like we are dancing together, as one. We soak up the sunshine and can feel the light breeze on our cheeks. After you do this, really feel the difference. Physically and emotionally.
3. Look at the root of your what if's. Was it a memory, is it imagination? What is the base to your what if. Once you have that, make a choice to change it. For me, my root was an accident. I focused on changing the memory of my accident, into a vivid cartoon. Now, when I think what if my horse flips, I laugh. I see Wile-E-Coyote and the Road Runner.
Most importantly, live your life with joy. If you enjoy riding, or used to, find a way to get back into the saddle and enjoy!
If you would like to see the process I went through, here is a link to my book about my journey back to courage and getting over my "What if's"! Get the book now!
It was a warm day, riding along, enjoying our horses, when all of a sudden, a hot air balloon comes up over the horizon. It is about 50 feet from us and is loud. I had no idea how loud a balloon can be when they are heating the air. I jumped at the sight of the balloon! My horse and I panicked and ran the other direction. This was a case where my fear definitely contributed to the horse's fear! It took both of us a while to calm our heart rate and for me to stop shaking.
Let's look at this from hindsight and what I know now.
After attending a police clinic training, I don't think I would have panicked. My horse still might have, but I don't think I would have. The first thing they talked about, was focusing on where you are going, about a hundred feet ahead of you and ride to that spot. At about the 50 foot mark, adjust your focus out to 100 feet again and repeat. I think by focusing on where you are heading, your horse has confidence in you as a leader that you know where you are going. I have started playing "I spy" with my horses and it is really fun and helps me focus.
I believe that if I had been focusing that day, and not just dilly dallying around, we would not have spooked. So, if my fear contributes to a horses fear, I am going to also say, that my confidence builds confidence in the horse and the horse's confidence in me as leader. For horses, the leader is who keeps them from dying, keeps them safe. It is that way for us too, but we may not recognize it.
Does Rider Confidence help Horse Confidence? I would say yes, it really does help.
If you have enjoyed this and would like a few tips on how I built my confidence, check out my 3 Ways to Build Courage with Your Horse!
