Well, we really don't want fear to go away. We want to make sure we are using it wisely! Here are a few things to do in 2023 to help your fear help you, instead of controlling you. Get your life back to joy.
First of all, we need our fear to keep us safe, if it is real fear that is. It is our minds tool to pay attention, look around us, and make sure we are safe. It is our opportunity to be in the moment and do what needs to be done. This fear, real fear, we will practice recognizing in 2023. Keep a journal and write down when you have real fear. Example would be riding along and having a snake show up in your path. You have to take immediate action. Practice noticing this real fear and keep track. It will be a lot less than you "IMAGINE" it to be.
Secondly, imaginary fear. We need to turn this around to feelings of joy and happiness! It is our mind thinking that we are in danger, and probably playing a story, over and over, in our head, of danger! Also in your journal, write these down. Recognize them. You will see repeats. Example would be you are thinking of going for a ride, you start to have your palms get sweaty and you stop. You think about what is causing it and it might be that your horse might rear. That is my go-to. It is really a fear of falling off and getting hurt. My mind and body go into panic mode. Write these down in your journal!
As you see patterns, rewrite them. For my example, I would write My horse and I had a lovely ride. It was warm and rhythmical. I could feel the relaxation in myself and in my horse. Really spend some time feeling the feelings. It won't take long and when your mind starts to go to the imaginary fear, your brain will say, oh, I know what to do, let's go to that good feeling place we have created!
Now, for my really exciting 2023 news, I am opening up some coaching spots for a few people that would like help, overcoming their fear and turning it into joy. Reply to this email that you want COACHING AND JOY, and we can have a chat and see if it is a good fit for you and get you on the waiting list!
That feeling of stress, the sweaty palms, the fast breathing, it comes from going back into the past in our minds, feeling the things that happened. Those feelings bring more thoughts, like magnets, and the spiral heads right down into anxiety and panic attacks. Have you ever asked yourself why you keep replaying memories in your head?
For me, there are three reasons I keep that memory wheel running in my head, and what I do to fix each one.
1. I am not being mindful of the present moment. This is a big one for me. I love just being, right here, right now. It takes practice. When I realize I am back replaying the memory movie, I can snap myself back into the present moment. It is a lot easier if you practice this when not being in that swamp of nasty memories. (Click here for my free 7 days to Mindfulness guide)
2. There is a trigger to the memory. This one happens when I see a horse rear or start to rear. It puts me right back in that moment of fear. This is a great one to fix, when you are sitting on the couch and all nice and relaxed. Reset the trigger. Google search horseback riding and look at images of great rides. Feel how good that feels and really set that feeling. I use an anchor too. I take a really good smelling essential oil, my favorites for this are Stress Away or Joy, and smell them while I am feeling how an amazing ride would feel. It can also be closing your eyes and remember amazing rides you have had. They key is to really put yourself in that moment and anchor it. Then think about the trigger, a horse rearing in my example, and see it getting smaller and smaller. See that trigger just disappearing. Go right back to the feeling of the amazing ride, smell the essential oils, feel that amazing feeling. Repeat this 5 - 10 times. You will notice your trigger isn't so much a trigger anymore.
3. I play the "What if" game. What if my horse lifts its head. What if my horse starts to rear. What if, what if, what if. This is another one that is fun to do while relaxing on your couch, at least at first. Pick better "what if's"! What if you have the best ride ever? What if it is a beautiful day and you just feel the rhythm with your horses footfall. What if you and your horse have an amazing adventure. See how many you can come up with. Write them down. Keep adding to the list. Read the list, over and over. Practice your what ifs. As you go to the barn, practice your what ifs!
The sweaty palms, the shortness of breath, the tension in the body, the mind trying to keep us safe are very powerful, when we are in true danger. It prepares our muscles for action, pumps the adrenaline to where we can use it to escape or protect ourselves. Is it more than that? What power does fear have? Just writing this, I can feel the tension building in my body. That is power. I am sitting in a comfy chair, in a beautiful log home, all is quiet and safe but the power of just thinking about anxiety and fear has my body tensing and reacting.
It goes much deeper than this. I love the story of the lion, walking through the herds on the Serengeti, on its way to get a drink. The herd grazes on, without a care in the world. There is no reason to fear, the intentions of the lion are for water, not food. The herd doesn't need to expend any energy, it can save energy for when it is needed. Then, the lion is hungry, it walks the same path, but with different intention. Its energy is tense, it has to make a kill to survive. As soon as it steps one foot onto the same path, the first animal feels the power of the lion and lifts its head. It spins and bolts. As soon as its energy changes, the whole herd spins and bolts from the energy of one herd member and the lion. Chances are, one of the herd will not live to see the next day.
That is the power of fear. But that same power, is there when the fear is all in our head. We can sit, in a comfy place, and visualize, the most terrifying thing we can think of, and our body will react. It won't know the difference between real danger, and the danger our mind is creating. That same fear, our horses can feel. Their life depends on feeling the fear of one member of the herd, and we are a member of their herd. We carry fear with us, all our "What If's" and the horses learn to either tune us out, or become so spooky, we can't find the cause. So many times, we don't realize, we are the cause. What power does fear have? An amazing amount, but the good news is, Joy is even more powerful. Focus on the joy.
If you would like to hear more thoughts on this, I shared some in my recent video blog you can find here: Fear vs. Confidence
You can also get my free 5 Energy Games to play with your horses! Some of my favorites! Click here
Palms start to sweat. The feeling of the world closing in on you. Breathing becomes shallow and it seems so hard to breath. The heat rises to the top of the head and the feelings of being trapped overwhelm. That feeling comes from not being in control. It makes you mind for get to think and your entire focus is in a very small, tiny world right around you, trying to survive. There are so many feelings that go along with anxiety but the biggest one for me, is the feeling of "NOT" being in control.
This started when I was little. The dentist seemed like a GIANT Boogeyman. Having stitches and all the blood after being kicked in the head by my pony after I fell off. Motorcycles anywhere near after having one hit us head on. There were so many triggers for my anxiety, and they were all around not being in control.
After my horse accident in 2000, I knew I had to find a way out of the anxiety and there were several pieces that worked for me. First of all, I had to know I had done everything to be safe. Some was easy, dentist isn't going to kill me. Flying wasn't so easy, that is all out of my control. Even being a passenger in a car was challenging and led to me searching for something that would work. The mental focus on the "What If's" that served me, made me feel better, helped a LOT. We get to choose what our "what ifs" look like so choose wisely.
Secondly, I found Stress Away and Thieves Essential oils. I used a process I learned call "anchoring" to anchor Stress Away to calm on a bracelet on my right wrist, and Thieves for Courage on my left wrist. This allowed me to be in control of my calm and my courage. (To learn more about anchoring, I would be happy to help you, you can schedule 30 minutes with me here!)
The last thing that was the final piece of the puzzle is CBD under the tongue. Just one drop allowed my release of my anxiety. So much so, that the last time I went to the dentist, I fell asleep HUGE WIN. I can have a horse act up and I don't shake! It was just the final piece in that giant jigsaw puzzle of getting over anxiety and loving life again!
If you are ready to kick anxiety to the curb, you can check out the products on my wishlist! Click Here.
The sounds of the horses' hooves, running backwards on the road, the feeling of sitting on a powder keg, trying to get off before dying, the feeling of the horse flipping over backwards on me, not knowing how to get him off of me, being crushed under his weight, were the thoughts running through my head over and over.
I would start to shake, just thinking back to that day. There were so many things I should have known, before I ever got on that horse. I missed all the signs. I missed all the signs that God was telling me not to go. How could I ever overcome reliving these memories? I felt so alone, in my fear. Trainers didn't understand. Friends just wanted me "back to normal". Get on and do it was the common saying.
I didn't think I could get help, so I had to figure it out. First of all, I didn't think it was fair to the horse for me to get on and ride with that much fear, it wasn't their fear or their fault. I started setting visions for how I wanted rides to go. I started by filling myself up with feeling of joy. I filled myself up with the feelings from the amazing rides before the accident. As I did this, I realized that it was a huge help, but not the complete picture.
I put together a pre-ride checklist for me and the horse, that gave me comfort, knowing I would see the signs, before ever getting on. I planned my first rides; my goal was to take 4 steps and re-evaluate. If the horse lifted its head or got tense at all, I immediately got off, shaking so while all of this helped a lot, it wasn't complete. I found some great products to help. One for calm before even getting on, one for calm in the saddle, and one for courage so that I could be the leader my horse needed me to be. (Link here is interested).
Put together, this got me back riding again, and enjoying it! The keys were planning, knowing at least when I was getting on that things were good, and having an exit plan just in case. The added bonus was the products that even when stuff did happen, stopped the shaking and let me think clearly. It was not an easy journey, but it was rewarding. If we have a car accident, we don't stop driving, why do we stop riding?
For the whole process I used, you can check out my book!
