The anxiety and fear are gripping. The sweaty palms, the shortness of breath, the butterflies (or worse) in the tummy. Those feelings that come up when thinking about riding your horse, they feel insurmountable. They suck the joy right out of riding.
So how do you know if you should enjoy your horses and not focus on riding them anymore? I hear the question so often, "I am not sure I want to ride any more".
First of all, this comes with so much stigma. What will others think? This is an easy one for me but not easy for everyone. I learned a long time ago that my horse and my relationship with my horse must always come first. There were so many times, I would hear what others said, and do what they said even though it didn't feel right to me. It took almost wrecking one of my horses to snap me out of caring what others think (which I talk about in my video blog if you want to know more). I now, take what others say, say thank you, and then see how it feels for me and either try it or not, based on my horse and myself. Where horses are concerned, this is so important, others don't know your horse like you do.
Secondly, there is so much that goes into the relationship with your horse. To put it mildly, your horse doesn't really have being ridden as a priority. Their priorities are food, shelter, water, and surviving. The riding, if they enjoy it, is a bonus. I have one horse that clearly does not want to be ridden, at least at this point in her life. I will honor that until she lets me know she wants to be ridden. We can have an amazing partnership with our horses and never again get on their back. I personally LOVE trail hiking with my one that does not want to be ridden and she loves it too! You can find things that fill you and your horse up without riding.
Thirdly, and probably the hardest part in this decision is the cost of owning a horse. We rationalize the cost with the joy of riding and/or competing. This is a hard one for some people (and usually spouses or significant others) to understand. How can you spend that much and not ride? This is so very personal for each person. I know for me; I made the decision to ride. Not for financial reasons but for the joy of partnering with the horse as one, like a kid sitting on the shoulders of dad. The balance, the dance, the oneness is important to me. So, I have two horses that love to be ridden. And I just dance on the ground with the one that doesn't want to ride.
These are just three of the big things, for me, in the decision to ride or not to ride. The most important thing is you and your horses being happy and healthy and how that happens is a creation you two get to make together. If you would like to ride again and are not sure where to start, I created a self-paced virtual clinic that follows my process to riding again and you can get more details here if interested. Rise From Fear to Courage Virtual Clinic
I have received a couple of questions on buddy sour. I have a couple of things that have worked really good for buddy sour.
1. Feeding with the flag - from Carson James. This one took me a few months but I was dealing with a VERY aggressive mare that had bit me in the back, kicked another horse over on me, twice, so this was first and foremost in changing her attitude. I took the buckets of feed in to the pasture, gave my quiet mare, Taika, her food and set the aggressive mare, Binky's, food about 5 feet away. Mostly because I had a hard enough time getting Taika to eat so I didn't want to disturb her. I made Binky stand 50 feet off until she lowered her head and walked in respectfully. If she even twitched an ear, she went back to 50 feet with me looking like a mountain lion, mostly for my safety, I could not be wishy washy. I had to get my timing right and it took a few months but they now all go to their buckets and stand there waiting patiently. If an ear flicks back, they MOVE off their feed, every single time. What I didn't expect was how much it helped the buddy sour! It was huge.
2. I put them in the small arena together and I just sit in the middle and hang out. If they stay on opposite sides of the arena, not exactly but in general, I leave them alone. They can come up to me but not in my bubble, about 3 to 5 feet away from me. If they get onto the same side of the arena, I make them work, or at least I make the horse that approached the other one work. I do this until I see them start to move toward each other and then turn away all on their own. Then I know they got the lesson. I only did this twice and never even needed to do it when I added the third horse. I can take anyone out at any time and there is no issue.
3. I take the one out that is the worst, and start walking away, if they want to go back to their buddy, we go back and I make them move their haunches politely and softly but make them move, then move the shoulders, and just work on supple for 5 minutes or so and then I walk off like nothing different and if they want to go back, we repeat. The combination of these has been amazing for my three mares! Keep me posted. There are a few other things too but these are my favorites.
Overcoming my fear had to start with safety in all situations and learning these above things, really helped me with my safety, with their safety, and it built my courage, very fast. I could see how leadership and partnership really wasn't as hard and scary as I thought. Timing took a bit but the more my timing on things around them on the ground improved, so did my timing on riding.
If you would like more information on overcoming fear, or buddy sour, you are welcome to join my small FB support/cheerleading group! Click Here.
Have you ever felt that fear start up when you think about going to ride your horse? You have the thought, what if the wind starts blowing? What if he is frisky? What if….Insert yours here!
We can all play the what if game for days looking for the things that can go wrong. What if, we change that around and look for the "what if" that are AMAZING? Wouldn't it be wonderful to think about riding your horse and be flooded with feelings of JOY?
It is possible and if you were ever that FEARLESS KID, it will come back to you!
I had a horrendous accident and I let it HOLD ME BACK from enjoying my riding. I had to make the DECISION to change my FEAR to COURAGE and get my riding back! Once I made the decision, the process opened up for me and here are the 3 key steps that I went through to getting back into the saddle again and riding my horse.
Step 1 - Health. I know this sounds massive, and for some, this will not be an issue at all, but for me, getting older, I needed to get my health back. One of the reasons kids are fearless is because they don’t have aches and pains. I changed my diet a couple times until I got it right and in doing so, my migraines disappeared (BONUS), my flexibility improved tremendously and so did my confidence with my balance and strength riding. I also had to get my mindset fixed but both of these are complete topics on their own. The other part of this was my horses health and mind. These four elements - Rider Health, Rider Mind, Horse Health, and Horse Mind - all have to be functioning for courage to prevail.
Step 2 - Knowledge. This one was so hard for me at first. How do you go about getting the knowledge you need. The horse trainers I talked to didn't "get" the fear, they didn't have fear. They just said "GO CANTER" or whatever it was because they didn't connect with my level of fear like the horse connected with it. I also tried going to "coaches" but they didn't "get" the combination of rider and horse feeding fear off of each other. I finally found an amazing coach that really helped with cutting the ties to the fear from the accident and I worked through an anchoring process, using Stress Away on my right wrist and Thieves on my left wrist to ANCHOR calm and courage respectfully from a smell to a feeling. These two pieces of knowledge were a huge start.
Step 3 - Experience. This was the hardest part at first. I had to put myself into a "what if" things go amazing place and fill myself with those emotions. I had to use my Anchors to set it into my mind and body. I had to create an amazing vision for what I wanted the ride to look like and then I had to GET ON and ride. I created exercises to help build the confidence and courage as I went and those first few rides, where I had complete peace and joy were worth every minute of working on this process.
So in a nutshell, these are the 3 things that I found worked for me: Health - Rider and Horse; Knowledge; and Experience. Following these 3 pieces of foundation, are so important so that you can enjoy riding your horse again in Confidence and Courage! Think about how grateful your horse will be to not have to deal with your fear any more!
We can all play the what if game for days looking for the things that can go wrong. What if, we change that around and look for the "what if" that are AMAZING? Wouldn't it be wonderful to think about riding your horse and be flooded with feelings of JOY?
It is possible and if you were ever that FEARLESS KID, it will come back to you!
I had a horrendous accident and I let it HOLD ME BACK from enjoying my riding. I had to make the DECISION to change my FEAR to COURAGE and get my riding back! Once I made the decision, the process opened up for me and here are the 3 key steps that I went through to getting back into the saddle again and riding my horse.
Step 1 - Health. I know this sounds massive, and for some, this will not be an issue at all, but for me, getting older, I needed to get my health back. One of the reasons kids are fearless is because they don’t have aches and pains. I changed my diet a couple times until I got it right and in doing so, my migraines disappeared (BONUS), my flexibility improved tremendously and so did my confidence with my balance and strength riding. I also had to get my mindset fixed but both of these are complete topics on their own. The other part of this was my horses health and mind. These four elements - Rider Health, Rider Mind, Horse Health, and Horse Mind - all have to be functioning for courage to prevail.
Step 2 - Knowledge. This one was so hard for me at first. How do you go about getting the knowledge you need. The horse trainers I talked to didn't "get" the fear, they didn't have fear. They just said "GO CANTER" or whatever it was because they didn't connect with my level of fear like the horse connected with it. I also tried going to "coaches" but they didn't "get" the combination of rider and horse feeding fear off of each other. I finally found an amazing coach that really helped with cutting the ties to the fear from the accident and I worked through an anchoring process, using Stress Away on my right wrist and Thieves on my left wrist to ANCHOR calm and courage respectfully from a smell to a feeling. These two pieces of knowledge were a huge start.
Step 3 - Experience. This was the hardest part at first. I had to put myself into a "what if" things go amazing place and fill myself with those emotions. I had to use my Anchors to set it into my mind and body. I had to create an amazing vision for what I wanted the ride to look like and then I had to GET ON and ride. I created exercises to help build the confidence and courage as I went and those first few rides, where I had complete peace and joy were worth every minute of working on this process.
So in a nutshell, these are the 3 things that I found worked for me: Health - Rider and Horse; Knowledge; and Experience. Following these 3 pieces of foundation, are so important so that you can enjoy riding your horse again in Confidence and Courage! Think about how grateful your horse will be to not have to deal with your fear any more!
Come join my "Cheerleading" group cheering each other on in this journey. If you don't experience fear, come help those of us that do and if you do have fear, it is a safe place to share, learn and grow! Click here so that you can enjoy riding your horse again!
How amazing would it be to have a genie, sitting on your shoulder, and you could say, "I wish for courage" and BAM, you would have all the courage you needed? Well, anchoring may be the next best thing. There are a lot of ways to do anchoring and there are a lot of things you can use as an anchor. This is my favorite process and my favorite anchor system.
I used to be petrified of the Dentist, to the point of passing out in the waiting room to get my teeth cleaned. After starting to use the Young Living essential oils, I discovered that I could focus all my calm into the smell of Stress Away and then use that when I need calm. I started on a really peaceful day on the farm, hanging out with the horses in the pasture, just leaning against the fence with them grazing all around me. The sun was warm and the pretty blue sky and green grass were a nice contrast to the dark bay mares. In this place of peace, I put stress away on a lava bead bracelet on my right wrist and I just smelled it in. Over and over for about 30 minutes. It doesn't have to be this long for sure, but while in a completely calm, peaceful situation, you really want to "Anchor" that calm to that smell. I redo this part of the process every chance I get to keep it fresh and because I love the peace that it brings to me.
Then, when I start to feel a little stress, sometimes a week before going to the dentist, I have a tool to bring me right back to the feelings of being in that pasture, the pure calm of heaven on earth.
Well, the bonus is, it also works while riding! I found out that putting a drop of stress away on the bracelet right before I get on, lets me carry that tool with me, and if I even start to have a slight feeling I don't want coming up, I can smell that Stress Away and bring that Genie right back to my shoulder. I can whisper, I wish for Calm, and BAM, the wish is granted. I can then be in a mode of calm and trust my horse and enjoy the ride.
On the flipside of that, sometimes, I need to be the LEADER for my horse while riding. She may be concerned about a tree that has fallen down, or something out of place from the last time. We might be on a new ride and I need to be there for her and to guide her with my confidence. I started a new trail that we had not been on before and the entrance was from a very sunny grass trail, through a hole just big enough for us, into a deep dark forest. When I got to the trail head, my horse was NOT sure that it was a good idea to walk through that hole. I just kept my leadership and assured her that we would be fine, I would not let anything happen to us and it took a little bit, but she did walk right into that hole. I could not have done this from a state of fear myself. When we talk about an Anchor, this is a great example I can focus on to create a Leadership/ Courage Anchor. I love Thieves essential oil and the story behind the Thieves blend so that is the oil I chose to Anchor courage too. I use a lava bead bracelet on my left wrist for Courage. When I have feelings of leadership and courage, I anchor them into that smell of Thieves, every chance I get.
Then, when I am finding fear starting to come up, like facing my horse to that hole in the forest to walk through, I can smell the Thieves and know I will be all right and with my courage, my horses puts her trust in me and off into the forest we go for an amazing cool ride getting out of the heat of summer. (Here is a link to check out the products I use!)
If you would love to find out more about overcoming fear, I would love to have you join our free Facebook support group, Happy, Courageous, Horses and Riders!
I have started feeding my horses Timothy Pellets twice a day, and I soak them first. What have I learned from Three Buckets of Timothy Pellets and how it relates to my riding and my horses?
Strength, Flexibility, Coordination on BOTH Sides of our bodies are as important as our horses being good on both sides!
First Thought - Strength - Is our strength EVEN. We expect our horses to have even strength on both sides but do we do what we need to for our own even strength?
I have to STIR the soaked pellets. I found out that me left arm is NOT as strong as my right arm and so, I stir two buckets left handed and one right handed. Guess what, IT MADE MY ARM SORE! This got me to thinking, how much do we work on strengthening our horses "weak" side and over do it? This was stirring two buckets, 3 minutes tops and I hurt. How many times have I done 10 or 15 minutes on my horse on something I am trying to help them learn?
THREE BUCKETS of feed and water are HEAVY, 50 pounds heavy, and lopsided 34 pounds on one side and 17 on the other side! I have about 100 yards to carry the feed buckets from the feed shed to the pasture.
My first question, How do I balance 3 buckets? I think the first few trips, I must have looked like a circus clown in an act gone BAD.
Second Thought - Flexibility - Are you flexible enough to easily reach down and adjust your foot in the stirrup or tighten your girth if you ride English? Both sides? We expect our horses to be flexible "Pokey" ponies on both sides, reaching under with a hind foot, bending around our leg, or even just going up and down switchbacks on a trail ride, can we do the same?
I was sitting on the bed one day, putting on my socks and I realized, I could NOT put my foot on the bed next to my butt to put my sock on. I could when I was younger but NOT ANY MORE! That changed over a few years and I am now so much more flexible, but what if I had not made changes? Would I be a great partner for my horse if I wasn't Flexible? Would I be "Gumby" for my "Pokey"?
Third Thought - Coordination - Can you brush your teeth with either your right hand or your left hand? LOL…..not really relevant directly to riding but yet, it is very relevant. We expect our horses to drop their nose and bend left or right with the slightest cue from our right or left hand and yet, we may not be that precise between our left and our right side!
I was thinking about my coordination and can I really be a GREAT "Hand" for my horse on both the left side and the right side and finesse the rein to have the smallest cue for my horse? This would improve communication and reduce pressure. I tried brushing my teeth with my left hand (and I am left handed mostly) but I brush my teeth right handed. I dropped the toothbrush in the sink three times! That is NOT coordination. That is NOT finesse. I tried cleaning my saddle with my left hand it also needs a lot of work! Guess I will be doing the 60/40 on EVERYTHING for a while to improve my coordination just like I would do with my horses!
To sum it up, we owe it to our horses to be the "BEST" that we can be. We expect it of our horses, why don't we expect the same of us? I will be pondering this question because I certainly have NOT been the best I could be.
I am putting together some posts on "BALANCED" Rider in my Finding Courage Facebook Group. I think the better we can become, just like we expect from our horses, the more courage and confidence that will bring while riding. Would love to have you join our facebook community (if you are not already part of it!) JOIN OUR GROUP!!!
Strength, Flexibility, Coordination on BOTH Sides of our bodies are as important as our horses being good on both sides!
First Thought - Strength - Is our strength EVEN. We expect our horses to have even strength on both sides but do we do what we need to for our own even strength?
I have to STIR the soaked pellets. I found out that me left arm is NOT as strong as my right arm and so, I stir two buckets left handed and one right handed. Guess what, IT MADE MY ARM SORE! This got me to thinking, how much do we work on strengthening our horses "weak" side and over do it? This was stirring two buckets, 3 minutes tops and I hurt. How many times have I done 10 or 15 minutes on my horse on something I am trying to help them learn?
THREE BUCKETS of feed and water are HEAVY, 50 pounds heavy, and lopsided 34 pounds on one side and 17 on the other side! I have about 100 yards to carry the feed buckets from the feed shed to the pasture.
My first question, How do I balance 3 buckets? I think the first few trips, I must have looked like a circus clown in an act gone BAD.
Second Thought - Flexibility - Are you flexible enough to easily reach down and adjust your foot in the stirrup or tighten your girth if you ride English? Both sides? We expect our horses to be flexible "Pokey" ponies on both sides, reaching under with a hind foot, bending around our leg, or even just going up and down switchbacks on a trail ride, can we do the same?
I was sitting on the bed one day, putting on my socks and I realized, I could NOT put my foot on the bed next to my butt to put my sock on. I could when I was younger but NOT ANY MORE! That changed over a few years and I am now so much more flexible, but what if I had not made changes? Would I be a great partner for my horse if I wasn't Flexible? Would I be "Gumby" for my "Pokey"?
Third Thought - Coordination - Can you brush your teeth with either your right hand or your left hand? LOL…..not really relevant directly to riding but yet, it is very relevant. We expect our horses to drop their nose and bend left or right with the slightest cue from our right or left hand and yet, we may not be that precise between our left and our right side!
I was thinking about my coordination and can I really be a GREAT "Hand" for my horse on both the left side and the right side and finesse the rein to have the smallest cue for my horse? This would improve communication and reduce pressure. I tried brushing my teeth with my left hand (and I am left handed mostly) but I brush my teeth right handed. I dropped the toothbrush in the sink three times! That is NOT coordination. That is NOT finesse. I tried cleaning my saddle with my left hand it also needs a lot of work! Guess I will be doing the 60/40 on EVERYTHING for a while to improve my coordination just like I would do with my horses!
To sum it up, we owe it to our horses to be the "BEST" that we can be. We expect it of our horses, why don't we expect the same of us? I will be pondering this question because I certainly have NOT been the best I could be.
I am putting together some posts on "BALANCED" Rider in my Finding Courage Facebook Group. I think the better we can become, just like we expect from our horses, the more courage and confidence that will bring while riding. Would love to have you join our facebook community (if you are not already part of it!) JOIN OUR GROUP!!!
