Confidence can go out with a bang, or a buck, or it can gently slip away like the flow of a creek. Either way, losing confidence can rob the joy from riding our precious horses. After a horrible accident, mine went out with a bang. It then, slowly slipped away, further and further until it seemed completely out of reach. I had to make the decision to get it back and enjoy riding again. Here are three steps that really helped me.
The first step is making the decision. It would have been so easy to listen to the others and to my fear. I was getting too old, I don't bounce like I used to, I might get hurt and so many others. I really evaluated the joy I was missing from not riding and that made all the difference. I made the decision to ride again. That decision wasn't easy but it was so rewarding. I was done letting a lack of confidence rob me of hundreds of hours of joy riding.
The second step is to put an action plan in place. Look at the fear and do what is needed to be done to turn that into a success. Everyone's fear is different so write yours down, evaluate the fear, take action to help the fear get smaller and the confidence grow. One of my fears, getting hurt, is an easy one to look at as a sample. What actions could I take to improve my confidence that I wouldn't get hurt. Action 1 = make sure my horses were safe for me, my level of riding. Action 2 = get MIPS helmet and a vest. Action 3 = improve my balance and flexibility. It was a huge confidence boost to have a plan and see that I could implement it.
The third step is to think like an airplane pilot. Pilots have a complete checklist they go through before they ever take the plane down the runway. They do this every single time. Put together your plan, your checklist. Use it. Follow it. Put things in that make you know you are ready and things so that you know on that day, at that time, your horse is ready. If you would like some help with this, I have a whole session in my Fear to Courage Virtual Clinic that walks through my pre-ride checklist for myself and my horse. This was so important for me to get my courage back. Knowing when it is ok to get on and when it isn't. (You can find out more information about the virtual clinic here.)
If you would like to hear a little about my journey to courage, I share some thoughts that might resonate with you, in this video. Click here to watch the video!
The anxiety and fear are gripping. The sweaty palms, the shortness of breath, the butterflies (or worse) in the tummy. Those feelings that come up when thinking about riding your horse, they feel insurmountable. They suck the joy right out of riding.
So how do you know if you should enjoy your horses and not focus on riding them anymore? I hear the question so often, "I am not sure I want to ride any more".
First of all, this comes with so much stigma. What will others think? This is an easy one for me but not easy for everyone. I learned a long time ago that my horse and my relationship with my horse must always come first. There were so many times, I would hear what others said, and do what they said even though it didn't feel right to me. It took almost wrecking one of my horses to snap me out of caring what others think (which I talk about in my video blog if you want to know more). I now, take what others say, say thank you, and then see how it feels for me and either try it or not, based on my horse and myself. Where horses are concerned, this is so important, others don't know your horse like you do.
Secondly, there is so much that goes into the relationship with your horse. To put it mildly, your horse doesn't really have being ridden as a priority. Their priorities are food, shelter, water, and surviving. The riding, if they enjoy it, is a bonus. I have one horse that clearly does not want to be ridden, at least at this point in her life. I will honor that until she lets me know she wants to be ridden. We can have an amazing partnership with our horses and never again get on their back. I personally LOVE trail hiking with my one that does not want to be ridden and she loves it too! You can find things that fill you and your horse up without riding.
Thirdly, and probably the hardest part in this decision is the cost of owning a horse. We rationalize the cost with the joy of riding and/or competing. This is a hard one for some people (and usually spouses or significant others) to understand. How can you spend that much and not ride? This is so very personal for each person. I know for me; I made the decision to ride. Not for financial reasons but for the joy of partnering with the horse as one, like a kid sitting on the shoulders of dad. The balance, the dance, the oneness is important to me. So, I have two horses that love to be ridden. And I just dance on the ground with the one that doesn't want to ride.
These are just three of the big things, for me, in the decision to ride or not to ride. The most important thing is you and your horses being happy and healthy and how that happens is a creation you two get to make together. If you would like to ride again and are not sure where to start, I created a self-paced virtual clinic that follows my process to riding again and you can get more details here if interested. Rise From Fear to Courage Virtual Clinic
We can all play the what if game for days looking for the things that can go wrong. What if, we change that around and look for the "what if" that are AMAZING? Wouldn't it be wonderful to think about riding your horse and be flooded with feelings of JOY?
It is possible and if you were ever that FEARLESS KID, it will come back to you!
I had a horrendous accident and I let it HOLD ME BACK from enjoying my riding. I had to make the DECISION to change my FEAR to COURAGE and get my riding back! Once I made the decision, the process opened up for me and here are the 3 key steps that I went through to getting back into the saddle again and riding my horse.
Step 1 - Health. I know this sounds massive, and for some, this will not be an issue at all, but for me, getting older, I needed to get my health back. One of the reasons kids are fearless is because they don’t have aches and pains. I changed my diet a couple times until I got it right and in doing so, my migraines disappeared (BONUS), my flexibility improved tremendously and so did my confidence with my balance and strength riding. I also had to get my mindset fixed but both of these are complete topics on their own. The other part of this was my horses health and mind. These four elements - Rider Health, Rider Mind, Horse Health, and Horse Mind - all have to be functioning for courage to prevail.
Step 2 - Knowledge. This one was so hard for me at first. How do you go about getting the knowledge you need. The horse trainers I talked to didn't "get" the fear, they didn't have fear. They just said "GO CANTER" or whatever it was because they didn't connect with my level of fear like the horse connected with it. I also tried going to "coaches" but they didn't "get" the combination of rider and horse feeding fear off of each other. I finally found an amazing coach that really helped with cutting the ties to the fear from the accident and I worked through an anchoring process, using Stress Away on my right wrist and Thieves on my left wrist to ANCHOR calm and courage respectfully from a smell to a feeling. These two pieces of knowledge were a huge start.
Step 3 - Experience. This was the hardest part at first. I had to put myself into a "what if" things go amazing place and fill myself with those emotions. I had to use my Anchors to set it into my mind and body. I had to create an amazing vision for what I wanted the ride to look like and then I had to GET ON and ride. I created exercises to help build the confidence and courage as I went and those first few rides, where I had complete peace and joy were worth every minute of working on this process.
So in a nutshell, these are the 3 things that I found worked for me: Health - Rider and Horse; Knowledge; and Experience. Following these 3 pieces of foundation, are so important so that you can enjoy riding your horse again in Confidence and Courage! Think about how grateful your horse will be to not have to deal with your fear any more!
