Well, we really don't want fear to go away. We want to make sure we are using it wisely! Here are a few things to do in 2023 to help your fear help you, instead of controlling you. Get your life back to joy.
First of all, we need our fear to keep us safe, if it is real fear that is. It is our minds tool to pay attention, look around us, and make sure we are safe. It is our opportunity to be in the moment and do what needs to be done. This fear, real fear, we will practice recognizing in 2023. Keep a journal and write down when you have real fear. Example would be riding along and having a snake show up in your path. You have to take immediate action. Practice noticing this real fear and keep track. It will be a lot less than you "IMAGINE" it to be.
Secondly, imaginary fear. We need to turn this around to feelings of joy and happiness! It is our mind thinking that we are in danger, and probably playing a story, over and over, in our head, of danger! Also in your journal, write these down. Recognize them. You will see repeats. Example would be you are thinking of going for a ride, you start to have your palms get sweaty and you stop. You think about what is causing it and it might be that your horse might rear. That is my go-to. It is really a fear of falling off and getting hurt. My mind and body go into panic mode. Write these down in your journal!
As you see patterns, rewrite them. For my example, I would write My horse and I had a lovely ride. It was warm and rhythmical. I could feel the relaxation in myself and in my horse. Really spend some time feeling the feelings. It won't take long and when your mind starts to go to the imaginary fear, your brain will say, oh, I know what to do, let's go to that good feeling place we have created!
Now, for my really exciting 2023 news, I am opening up some coaching spots for a few people that would like help, overcoming their fear and turning it into joy. Reply to this email that you want COACHING AND JOY, and we can have a chat and see if it is a good fit for you and get you on the waiting list!
That feeling of stress, the sweaty palms, the fast breathing, it comes from going back into the past in our minds, feeling the things that happened. Those feelings bring more thoughts, like magnets, and the spiral heads right down into anxiety and panic attacks. Have you ever asked yourself why you keep replaying memories in your head?
For me, there are three reasons I keep that memory wheel running in my head, and what I do to fix each one.
1. I am not being mindful of the present moment. This is a big one for me. I love just being, right here, right now. It takes practice. When I realize I am back replaying the memory movie, I can snap myself back into the present moment. It is a lot easier if you practice this when not being in that swamp of nasty memories. (Click here for my free 7 days to Mindfulness guide)
2. There is a trigger to the memory. This one happens when I see a horse rear or start to rear. It puts me right back in that moment of fear. This is a great one to fix, when you are sitting on the couch and all nice and relaxed. Reset the trigger. Google search horseback riding and look at images of great rides. Feel how good that feels and really set that feeling. I use an anchor too. I take a really good smelling essential oil, my favorites for this are Stress Away or Joy, and smell them while I am feeling how an amazing ride would feel. It can also be closing your eyes and remember amazing rides you have had. They key is to really put yourself in that moment and anchor it. Then think about the trigger, a horse rearing in my example, and see it getting smaller and smaller. See that trigger just disappearing. Go right back to the feeling of the amazing ride, smell the essential oils, feel that amazing feeling. Repeat this 5 - 10 times. You will notice your trigger isn't so much a trigger anymore.
3. I play the "What if" game. What if my horse lifts its head. What if my horse starts to rear. What if, what if, what if. This is another one that is fun to do while relaxing on your couch, at least at first. Pick better "what if's"! What if you have the best ride ever? What if it is a beautiful day and you just feel the rhythm with your horses footfall. What if you and your horse have an amazing adventure. See how many you can come up with. Write them down. Keep adding to the list. Read the list, over and over. Practice your what ifs. As you go to the barn, practice your what ifs!
Palms start to sweat. The feeling of the world closing in on you. Breathing becomes shallow and it seems so hard to breath. The heat rises to the top of the head and the feelings of being trapped overwhelm. That feeling comes from not being in control. It makes you mind for get to think and your entire focus is in a very small, tiny world right around you, trying to survive. There are so many feelings that go along with anxiety but the biggest one for me, is the feeling of "NOT" being in control.
This started when I was little. The dentist seemed like a GIANT Boogeyman. Having stitches and all the blood after being kicked in the head by my pony after I fell off. Motorcycles anywhere near after having one hit us head on. There were so many triggers for my anxiety, and they were all around not being in control.
After my horse accident in 2000, I knew I had to find a way out of the anxiety and there were several pieces that worked for me. First of all, I had to know I had done everything to be safe. Some was easy, dentist isn't going to kill me. Flying wasn't so easy, that is all out of my control. Even being a passenger in a car was challenging and led to me searching for something that would work. The mental focus on the "What If's" that served me, made me feel better, helped a LOT. We get to choose what our "what ifs" look like so choose wisely.
Secondly, I found Stress Away and Thieves Essential oils. I used a process I learned call "anchoring" to anchor Stress Away to calm on a bracelet on my right wrist, and Thieves for Courage on my left wrist. This allowed me to be in control of my calm and my courage. (To learn more about anchoring, I would be happy to help you, you can schedule 30 minutes with me here!)
The last thing that was the final piece of the puzzle is CBD under the tongue. Just one drop allowed my release of my anxiety. So much so, that the last time I went to the dentist, I fell asleep HUGE WIN. I can have a horse act up and I don't shake! It was just the final piece in that giant jigsaw puzzle of getting over anxiety and loving life again!
If you are ready to kick anxiety to the curb, you can check out the products on my wishlist! Click Here.
I played the guessing game with this for a while before looking at the answer. I knew it wasn't jumping, or polo, or racing. But what about hunters, trail riding, or liberty work? Boy was I wrong. The safest sport according to my research is Vaulting! This was shocking to me at first until I really looked at it, and how it can help me be safer in any horse riding I do!
First of all, it is rhythmical, at least for the horse. The horse goes in a circle and the horse canters in a rhythm. How can I apply this? How does rhythm fit in? This is something I had not thought about, but really makes sense. If we can practice with our horses, walking in rhythm, and make corrections if they change the rhythm without us, won't we have a horse more in tune to us? A horse that is more relaxed because it has one job, go at this pace? IT keeps us focused on the connection with the horse, not matter what we are doing. It is easy to practice too. Fast Walk 10 steps, SLLLOOOWWW walk 10 steps until it is really good then start doing it at the trot. Imagine how responsive your horse will be to you. Fast rhythm, slow rhythm.
The second thing that stands out is that it builds on what has come before, repetition. The vaulters practice on their own, without a horse. They practice a move until they are good before they ever mount. They start small, getting on and getting off. Over and over. I have talked a lot about some of Warwick Schiller's principles and this falls right in line. I get on and take four steps and decide to go back, get off, or go on. Then I get to 50 steps and same questions. It is repetitive. If I have any issues getting to the 50 steps, I turn around and go back to the beginning. A lot like playing a video game. You start over and over and over and get really good before moving to the next level.
Imagine what a relief it will be to our horses to know that we have them, that we expect them to be the best that they can be and will be the best we can be for them. It will improve our confidence and our timing. We will get better and better and most importantly, we will be safer!
If you are not riding yet, or want to improve your connection before trying the above, here is my free guide with some Ground Play examples! Just click here!
What is the safest equestrian sport? What did you think it was?
The horses were happily munching their breakfast today. The wind was swirling around, and a bunch of little dust devils were blowing through carrying the fall leaves for a ride. I was cleaning the three-sided shed as while I listened to them munching. Then I heard a crazy noise.
All around the horses' legs, feet, faces, etc, was a packaging pillow. One of those air-filled pillow sacks had blown off our porch and was dancing with the horses. I heard it first for a while and then I looked. The horses had not moved. They were happily munching away with it battering around beneath them. I started to panic but it was only a split second. I completely relaxed. In that split second, they all three lifted their heads, looked at me, and then because I had relaxed again, they all just went back to breakfast. I know if I had panicked, they would have too. I know because I was able to just forget about it and enjoy the show, they were fine.
There are so many times, when our emotions get in the way, and we are not even aware. Leading Michelle, a few weeks ago, and thinking she was going to run me over had her convinced something was chasing both of us. Playing with Michelle with the flag, she was in a panic. I set it down on the ground and walked away, she walked right up and played with it.
I have done this riding so many times too! It is so powerful to change our thoughts and feelings around to the positive. To the amazing rides, the amazing partnership with our horses, and truly step into that feeling of being the leader, the safe place for the horses, for our little herd.
How? We start by playing the what if game with amazing things that could happen. We fill ourselves up with amazing ride feelings until there is no room for fear to creep in. We can even pretend to be a trainer that we admire if we want! Whatever it takes, if we want to ride, we can make it happen.
If you would like to see a few more ideas I have for feeling better about our rides, Click here.
