Confidence can go out with a bang, or a buck, or it can gently slip away like the flow of a creek. Either way, losing confidence can rob the joy from riding our precious horses. After a horrible accident, mine went out with a bang. It then, slowly slipped away, further and further until it seemed completely out of reach. I had to make the decision to get it back and enjoy riding again. Here are three steps that really helped me.
The first step is making the decision. It would have been so easy to listen to the others and to my fear. I was getting too old, I don't bounce like I used to, I might get hurt and so many others. I really evaluated the joy I was missing from not riding and that made all the difference. I made the decision to ride again. That decision wasn't easy but it was so rewarding. I was done letting a lack of confidence rob me of hundreds of hours of joy riding.
The second step is to put an action plan in place. Look at the fear and do what is needed to be done to turn that into a success. Everyone's fear is different so write yours down, evaluate the fear, take action to help the fear get smaller and the confidence grow. One of my fears, getting hurt, is an easy one to look at as a sample. What actions could I take to improve my confidence that I wouldn't get hurt. Action 1 = make sure my horses were safe for me, my level of riding. Action 2 = get MIPS helmet and a vest. Action 3 = improve my balance and flexibility. It was a huge confidence boost to have a plan and see that I could implement it.
The third step is to think like an airplane pilot. Pilots have a complete checklist they go through before they ever take the plane down the runway. They do this every single time. Put together your plan, your checklist. Use it. Follow it. Put things in that make you know you are ready and things so that you know on that day, at that time, your horse is ready. If you would like some help with this, I have a whole session in my Fear to Courage Virtual Clinic that walks through my pre-ride checklist for myself and my horse. This was so important for me to get my courage back. Knowing when it is ok to get on and when it isn't. (You can find out more information about the virtual clinic here.)
If you would like to hear a little about my journey to courage, I share some thoughts that might resonate with you, in this video. Click here to watch the video!
The anxiety and fear are gripping. The sweaty palms, the shortness of breath, the butterflies (or worse) in the tummy. Those feelings that come up when thinking about riding your horse, they feel insurmountable. They suck the joy right out of riding.
So how do you know if you should enjoy your horses and not focus on riding them anymore? I hear the question so often, "I am not sure I want to ride any more".
First of all, this comes with so much stigma. What will others think? This is an easy one for me but not easy for everyone. I learned a long time ago that my horse and my relationship with my horse must always come first. There were so many times, I would hear what others said, and do what they said even though it didn't feel right to me. It took almost wrecking one of my horses to snap me out of caring what others think (which I talk about in my video blog if you want to know more). I now, take what others say, say thank you, and then see how it feels for me and either try it or not, based on my horse and myself. Where horses are concerned, this is so important, others don't know your horse like you do.
Secondly, there is so much that goes into the relationship with your horse. To put it mildly, your horse doesn't really have being ridden as a priority. Their priorities are food, shelter, water, and surviving. The riding, if they enjoy it, is a bonus. I have one horse that clearly does not want to be ridden, at least at this point in her life. I will honor that until she lets me know she wants to be ridden. We can have an amazing partnership with our horses and never again get on their back. I personally LOVE trail hiking with my one that does not want to be ridden and she loves it too! You can find things that fill you and your horse up without riding.
Thirdly, and probably the hardest part in this decision is the cost of owning a horse. We rationalize the cost with the joy of riding and/or competing. This is a hard one for some people (and usually spouses or significant others) to understand. How can you spend that much and not ride? This is so very personal for each person. I know for me; I made the decision to ride. Not for financial reasons but for the joy of partnering with the horse as one, like a kid sitting on the shoulders of dad. The balance, the dance, the oneness is important to me. So, I have two horses that love to be ridden. And I just dance on the ground with the one that doesn't want to ride.
These are just three of the big things, for me, in the decision to ride or not to ride. The most important thing is you and your horses being happy and healthy and how that happens is a creation you two get to make together. If you would like to ride again and are not sure where to start, I created a self-paced virtual clinic that follows my process to riding again and you can get more details here if interested. Rise From Fear to Courage Virtual Clinic
I got the pleasure of watching “What About Bob” again this weekend and while watching it, it hit me, how similar this movie is to horses, riders, and FEAR. It also hit me that it has some of the answers to how to overcome.
First of all, horse fear. There are so many horses out there that are “BOB”. They are afraid, and they don’t know how to process their fear. That is where we can step in and be “Dr. Marvin”. Baby Steps!
We can practice taking only one step with the horse, introducing something new, one thing at a time. If you have never worked with a tarp, introduce the tarp. Don’t add on an umbrella, a trailer ride to another place, and 10 other things. For a horse that is afraid, add one thing at a time. This is just like Bob going sailing. He did one thing at a time and overcame his fear! Our horses will build confidence as each they overcome each new thing. You can review all the previous things but only introduce one new thing.
Secondly, rider fear. There are so many “BOB” riders out there. Raise your hand if you are one of them! ME!!!! There are a bunch of lessons for riders and here are the three that I put at the top:
- Just do it. Bob takes a vacation from his fear. Leave the fear at your house and just go do it. You have all the tools, you have the experience, so just go do it. (If it is something new for you, see the horse one above).
- Baby Steps. Get on and ride, plan how many steps you are going to take, then stop and re-evaluate. My first few times, I did 4 steps. I stopped and then decided to do 4 more or get off but I rode my first few rides with a plan of 4 steps. Baby steps.
- IGNORE what others are saying….lalalalalalalal……their opinions don’t matter. Stay in your heart and stay in your gut feelings. Ignore the nay sayers (you can pay attention if they are giving you good advice you align with, but if there is any tension from what they said, just ignore it, it won't serve you).
Thirdly, When the Horses are Dr. Marvin, and We are BOB. – This is the most powerful for me.
You can see the frustration and anger in Dr. Marvin. It just builds and builds. Why won’t this “bob” person listen. Why are they not understanding? Why are they in my face, in my business, making me adjust to your insecurities?
Really think about the horse’s perspective like Dr. Marvin with a crazy patient (rider) like BOB. This way eye opening for me. No wonder my horses don’t want me to ride them, interact with them. It is my garbage and not theirs! I need to become BOB on his vacation from his fears!!!!
What can I do?
I can make sure I am looking forward to the interaction with my horses. If I am feeling fear, I need to take care of that first or take a vacation from it, but it doesn't belong around the horses.
I can take baby steps tailored for me.
I can reassure my horses and let them set the pace for me. If they don't want me to ride them, I need to play with them until they are confident enough, I am ready to ride them. I taught mine to pick me up at the mounting block, if they don't want to, I don't get on. They will let me know when we are both ready.
- The Red Drink. This is what gave me the energy to get the ball rolling toward feeling better. When you don't have energy, you have to do something to get energy. This consists of Ningxia Red, a delicious infusion of superfruits and essential oils; Sulfurzyme, great for joint support, immune support, circulation, bone, hair and skin; Lime Essential Oil, adds a zing and contains antioxidants; all mixed into 8 ounces of water. I love this drink and it gave me the energy to start my journey to health.
- Fix What You eat. You are what you eat became very apparent when I started this journey. I was suffering from inflammation and stiff joints, I was putting on some pounds, I just didn't feel well, and I didn't have much energy. I had to align my food with my body. I chose to cut out processed sugar and flour. I chose to learn how to eat for me, for my body, so that I would feel better.
- Move. I started moving to get flexibility and balance back. I don't think it is fair to have our horses try and carry us when we are not at our best. I started dancing through the pastures going out to feed. I started doing "Yoga in Jeans with Sam" which is really movement to help our bodies for riding. I skip, dance and wiggle walk just about everywhere I go. I swing my arms around and do swimmers circles as I walk. I move. The more I move, the better I feel.
