Palms start to sweat.  The feeling of the world closing in on you.  Breathing becomes shallow and it seems so hard to breath. The heat rises to the top of the head and the feelings of being trapped overwhelm.  That feeling comes from not being in control.  It makes you mind for get to think and your entire focus is in a very small, tiny world right around you, trying to survive.  There are so many feelings that go along with anxiety but the biggest one for me, is the feeling of "NOT" being in control.

This started when I was little.  The dentist seemed like a GIANT Boogeyman.  Having stitches and all the blood after being kicked in the head by my pony after I fell off.  Motorcycles anywhere near after having one hit us head on.  There were so many triggers for my anxiety, and they were all around not being in control.

After my horse accident in 2000, I knew I had to find a way out of the anxiety and there were several pieces that worked for me.  First of all, I had to know I had done everything to be safe.  Some was easy, dentist isn't going to kill me.  Flying wasn't so easy, that is all out of my control.  Even being a passenger in a car was challenging and led to me searching for something that would work.  The mental focus on the "What If's" that served me, made me feel better, helped a LOT.  We get to choose what our "what ifs" look like so choose wisely.

Secondly, I found Stress Away and Thieves Essential oils.  I used a process I learned call "anchoring" to anchor Stress Away to calm on a bracelet on my right wrist, and Thieves for Courage on my left wrist.  This allowed me to be in control of my calm and my courage.  (To learn more about anchoring, I would be happy to help you, you can schedule 30 minutes with me here!)

The last thing that was the final piece of the puzzle is CBD under the tongue.  Just one drop allowed my release of my anxiety.  So much so, that the last time I went to the dentist, I fell asleep HUGE WIN.  I can have a horse act up and I don't shake!  It was just the final piece in that giant jigsaw puzzle of getting over anxiety and loving life again!  

If you are ready to kick anxiety to the curb, you can check out the products on my wishlist!  Click Here.

The sounds of the horses' hooves, running backwards on the road, the feeling of sitting on a powder keg, trying to get off before dying, the feeling of the horse flipping over backwards on me, not knowing how to get him off of me, being crushed under his weight, were the thoughts running through my head over and over. 

I would start to shake, just thinking back to that day.  There were so many things I should have known, before I ever got on that horse.  I missed all the signs.  I missed all the signs that God was telling me not to go.  How could I ever overcome reliving these memories?  I felt so alone, in my fear.  Trainers didn't understand.  Friends just wanted me "back to normal".  Get on and do it was the common saying.

I didn't think I could get help, so I had to figure it out.  First of all, I didn't think it was fair to the horse for me to get on and ride with that much fear, it wasn't their fear or their fault.  I started setting visions for how I wanted rides to go.  I started by filling myself up with feeling of joy.  I filled myself up with the feelings from the amazing rides before the accident.  As I did this, I realized that it was a huge help, but not the complete picture.  

I put together a pre-ride checklist for me and the horse, that gave me comfort, knowing I would see the signs, before ever getting on.  I planned my first rides; my goal was to take 4 steps and re-evaluate.  If the horse lifted its head or got tense at all, I immediately got off, shaking so while all of this helped a lot, it wasn't complete.  I found some great products to help.  One for calm before even getting on, one for calm in the saddle, and one for courage so that I could be the leader my horse needed me to be.  (Link here is interested).

Put together, this got me back riding again, and enjoying it!  The keys were planning, knowing at least when I was getting on that things were good, and having an exit plan just in case.  The added bonus was the products that even when stuff did happen, stopped the shaking and let me think clearly.  It was not an easy journey, but it was rewarding.  If we have a car accident, we don't stop driving, why do we stop riding?

For the whole process I used, you can check out my book!  

Going through hard times makes us stronger.  Or are we already stronger than we could ever imagine, and we just don't know it?

After my accident, I was questioning, am I strong enough?  It can't only be about physical strength.  Our horses will always be stronger than we are.  We do have to be physically strong enough to care for our horses.  We have to be able to groom, saddle, mount, ride, unsaddle, and so many other things to be a good partner for our horses.  But it isn't just that physical strength.  It is strength of character and heart.

This shows up in the subtle things and the big things.  Today, as I was trying to trim Michelle's front right hoof, she kept turning her head between me and her.  She kept trying to put me in her left eye.  I would just back up a bit and give her time to allow me into her space on the right side.  I had a time schedule that I needed to be back in for a meeting, but I also knew I needed to get her feet trimmed.  Today, I was strong enough to wait.  I was strong enough to hold that space for her to relax and allow me onto her right side.  I started to feel the stress come up, the needing to get it done.  But my strength of heart took over and gave her time to catch up to me.  To relax into me.  It took an hour, but I got both front feet trimmed and she was much quieter when we finished.  I never had to "get after her" or "make her stand".  I let her move, I let her block me, I let her tell me she just wasn't comfortable, emotionally.

I had the strength to trim some of her right front foot from the left side.  That didn't seem to bother her at all, and it let me show her that she could stand and hold up the right front foot.  Normally I would duck under the neck and go to the other side.  I knew this would disrespect her and so I didn't.  I backed up and went around the front, allowing her to say no.  To keep her head between us.  I rubbed her face and loved on her until she relaxed enough to let me in, to give me the gift of her foot.

Am I strong enough?  Today I was.  We are all stronger than we could ever imagine and sometimes, we need to tap into that strength to notice the subtle things and do the right thing for our horses.  

I have a fun foot exercise in this youtube video I did a while back.  I guess I need to do some of this with Michelle!  If you would like a fun challenge to do with your horses feet, click here!

I played the guessing game with this for a while before looking at the answer.  I knew it wasn't jumping, or polo, or racing. But what about hunters, trail riding, or liberty work?  Boy was I wrong.  The safest sport according to my research is Vaulting!  This was shocking to me at first until I really looked at it, and how it can help me be safer in any horse riding I do!

First of all, it is rhythmical, at least for the horse.  The horse goes in a circle and the horse canters in a rhythm.  How can I apply this? How does rhythm fit in?  This is something I had not thought about, but really makes sense.  If we can practice with our horses, walking in rhythm, and make corrections if they change the rhythm without us, won't we have a horse more in tune to us?  A horse that is more relaxed because it has one job, go at this pace?  IT keeps us focused on the connection with the horse, not matter what we are doing.  It is easy to practice too.  Fast Walk 10 steps, SLLLOOOWWW walk 10 steps until it is really good then start doing it at the trot.  Imagine how responsive your horse will be to you.  Fast rhythm, slow rhythm.

The second thing that stands out is that it builds on what has come before, repetition.  The vaulters practice on their own, without a horse.  They practice a move until they are good before they ever mount.  They start small, getting on and getting off.  Over and over.   I have talked a lot about some of Warwick Schiller's principles and this falls right in line.  I get on and take four steps and decide to go back, get off, or go on.  Then I get to 50 steps and same questions.  It is repetitive.  If I have any issues getting to the 50 steps, I turn around and go back to the beginning.  A lot like playing a video game.  You start over and over and over and get really good before moving to the next level.  

Imagine what a relief it will be to our horses to know that we have them, that we expect them to be the best that they can be and will be the best we can be for them.  It will improve our confidence and our timing.  We will get better and better and most importantly, we will be safer!

If you are not riding yet, or want to improve your connection before trying the above, here is my free guide with some Ground Play examples!  Just click here!

The horses were happily munching their breakfast today.  The wind was swirling around, and a bunch of little dust devils were blowing through carrying the fall leaves for a ride.  I was cleaning the three-sided shed as while I listened to them munching.  Then I heard a crazy noise.  

All around the horses' legs, feet, faces, etc, was a packaging pillow.  One of those air-filled pillow sacks had blown off our porch and was dancing with the horses.  I heard it first for a while and then I looked.  The horses had not moved.  They were happily munching away with it battering around beneath them.  I started to panic but it was only a split second.  I completely relaxed.  In that split second, they all three lifted their heads, looked at me, and then because I had relaxed again, they all just went back to breakfast.  I know if I had panicked, they would have too.  I know because I was able to just forget about it and enjoy the show, they were fine.

There are so many times, when our emotions get in the way, and we are not even aware.  Leading Michelle, a few weeks ago, and thinking she was going to run me over had her convinced something was chasing both of us.  Playing with Michelle with the flag, she was in a panic.  I set it down on the ground and walked away, she walked right up and played with it.  

I have done this riding so many times too!  It is so powerful to change our thoughts and feelings around to the positive.  To the amazing rides, the amazing partnership with our horses, and truly step into that feeling of being the leader, the safe place for the horses, for our little herd.

How?  We start by playing the what if game with amazing things that could happen.  We fill ourselves up with amazing ride feelings until there is no room for fear to creep in.  We can even pretend to be a trainer that we admire if we want!  Whatever it takes, if we want to ride, we can make it happen.

If you would like to see a few more ideas I have for feeling better about our rides, Click here.