The anxiety and fear are gripping. The sweaty palms, the shortness of breath, the butterflies (or worse) in the tummy. Those feelings that come up when thinking about riding your horse, they feel insurmountable. They suck the joy right out of riding.
So how do you know if you should enjoy your horses and not focus on riding them anymore? I hear the question so often, "I am not sure I want to ride any more".
First of all, this comes with so much stigma. What will others think? This is an easy one for me but not easy for everyone. I learned a long time ago that my horse and my relationship with my horse must always come first. There were so many times, I would hear what others said, and do what they said even though it didn't feel right to me. It took almost wrecking one of my horses to snap me out of caring what others think (which I talk about in my video blog if you want to know more). I now, take what others say, say thank you, and then see how it feels for me and either try it or not, based on my horse and myself. Where horses are concerned, this is so important, others don't know your horse like you do.
Secondly, there is so much that goes into the relationship with your horse. To put it mildly, your horse doesn't really have being ridden as a priority. Their priorities are food, shelter, water, and surviving. The riding, if they enjoy it, is a bonus. I have one horse that clearly does not want to be ridden, at least at this point in her life. I will honor that until she lets me know she wants to be ridden. We can have an amazing partnership with our horses and never again get on their back. I personally LOVE trail hiking with my one that does not want to be ridden and she loves it too! You can find things that fill you and your horse up without riding.
Thirdly, and probably the hardest part in this decision is the cost of owning a horse. We rationalize the cost with the joy of riding and/or competing. This is a hard one for some people (and usually spouses or significant others) to understand. How can you spend that much and not ride? This is so very personal for each person. I know for me; I made the decision to ride. Not for financial reasons but for the joy of partnering with the horse as one, like a kid sitting on the shoulders of dad. The balance, the dance, the oneness is important to me. So, I have two horses that love to be ridden. And I just dance on the ground with the one that doesn't want to ride.
These are just three of the big things, for me, in the decision to ride or not to ride. The most important thing is you and your horses being happy and healthy and how that happens is a creation you two get to make together. If you would like to ride again and are not sure where to start, I created a self-paced virtual clinic that follows my process to riding again and you can get more details here if interested. Rise From Fear to Courage Virtual Clinic
I got the pleasure of watching “What About Bob” again this weekend and while watching it, it hit me, how similar this movie is to horses, riders, and FEAR. It also hit me that it has some of the answers to how to overcome.
First of all, horse fear. There are so many horses out there that are “BOB”. They are afraid, and they don’t know how to process their fear. That is where we can step in and be “Dr. Marvin”. Baby Steps!
We can practice taking only one step with the horse, introducing something new, one thing at a time. If you have never worked with a tarp, introduce the tarp. Don’t add on an umbrella, a trailer ride to another place, and 10 other things. For a horse that is afraid, add one thing at a time. This is just like Bob going sailing. He did one thing at a time and overcame his fear! Our horses will build confidence as each they overcome each new thing. You can review all the previous things but only introduce one new thing.
Secondly, rider fear. There are so many “BOB” riders out there. Raise your hand if you are one of them! ME!!!! There are a bunch of lessons for riders and here are the three that I put at the top:
- Just do it. Bob takes a vacation from his fear. Leave the fear at your house and just go do it. You have all the tools, you have the experience, so just go do it. (If it is something new for you, see the horse one above).
- Baby Steps. Get on and ride, plan how many steps you are going to take, then stop and re-evaluate. My first few times, I did 4 steps. I stopped and then decided to do 4 more or get off but I rode my first few rides with a plan of 4 steps. Baby steps.
- IGNORE what others are saying….lalalalalalalal……their opinions don’t matter. Stay in your heart and stay in your gut feelings. Ignore the nay sayers (you can pay attention if they are giving you good advice you align with, but if there is any tension from what they said, just ignore it, it won't serve you).
Thirdly, When the Horses are Dr. Marvin, and We are BOB. – This is the most powerful for me.
You can see the frustration and anger in Dr. Marvin. It just builds and builds. Why won’t this “bob” person listen. Why are they not understanding? Why are they in my face, in my business, making me adjust to your insecurities?
Really think about the horse’s perspective like Dr. Marvin with a crazy patient (rider) like BOB. This way eye opening for me. No wonder my horses don’t want me to ride them, interact with them. It is my garbage and not theirs! I need to become BOB on his vacation from his fears!!!!
What can I do?
I can make sure I am looking forward to the interaction with my horses. If I am feeling fear, I need to take care of that first or take a vacation from it, but it doesn't belong around the horses.
I can take baby steps tailored for me.
I can reassure my horses and let them set the pace for me. If they don't want me to ride them, I need to play with them until they are confident enough, I am ready to ride them. I taught mine to pick me up at the mounting block, if they don't want to, I don't get on. They will let me know when we are both ready.
- The Red Drink. This is what gave me the energy to get the ball rolling toward feeling better. When you don't have energy, you have to do something to get energy. This consists of Ningxia Red, a delicious infusion of superfruits and essential oils; Sulfurzyme, great for joint support, immune support, circulation, bone, hair and skin; Lime Essential Oil, adds a zing and contains antioxidants; all mixed into 8 ounces of water. I love this drink and it gave me the energy to start my journey to health.
- Fix What You eat. You are what you eat became very apparent when I started this journey. I was suffering from inflammation and stiff joints, I was putting on some pounds, I just didn't feel well, and I didn't have much energy. I had to align my food with my body. I chose to cut out processed sugar and flour. I chose to learn how to eat for me, for my body, so that I would feel better.
- Move. I started moving to get flexibility and balance back. I don't think it is fair to have our horses try and carry us when we are not at our best. I started dancing through the pastures going out to feed. I started doing "Yoga in Jeans with Sam" which is really movement to help our bodies for riding. I skip, dance and wiggle walk just about everywhere I go. I swing my arms around and do swimmers circles as I walk. I move. The more I move, the better I feel.
I had up to 20 hot flashes an hour and they made me nauseous, and very faint. I was miserable. Not only did I not want to ride, I didn't even want to take care of the horses or be with them. For me, the doctors were no help so I took matters into my own hands and figured it out, with a ton of research and trial and error. (If you want so see my big mistake and funny story, here is a link to that blog: Toxins in the Tack Room)
1. I started eliminating toxins. I found this great cleaner, Thieves, that not only was toxin free, it cleaned really well, was much less money than my other cleaners, and the best part, it smelled like Christmas. I use it for everything, including cleaning the horses! That started me on a search for where I had other toxins around me and I was shocked. Shampoo, Soap, Toothpaste, Moisturizer, and that was just morning. Then I looked in the kitchen and laundry room: not only were there toxins in my detergents and soaps, but also in the foods I was eating! I progressed on to other areas and finally the tack room. Can you believe we pay for toxins to put on our horses? Wound care and fly spray just for a start contain a ton of toxins and horses are way more sensitive to toxins than we are. What was I doing to my precious partners? Toxins are Endocrine disruptors which muck with hormones and boy did I and my three mares have a lot of hormone issues to overcome! In a very short time, we were all feeling better. Less pinned ears, less kicking, less hot flashes, we all seemed to be heading the right direction.
2. I added a couple of products that were simple to my diet, and to my bedtime routine. These support my thyroid (Endoflex), support my hormones (Progessence Plus), and support my health (Ningxia Red and Sulfurzyme). It was easy to implement and really helped. No more night sweats for a start. I felt like I was coming back into myself, the hot flashes were dissolving away and now I rarely have one.
3. I eliminated processed sugar. This one was by far the hardest but the most rewarding! I have a love of chocolate treats and when I found out that sugar is a huge trigger for hot flashes, I was crushed. But I was done with hot flashes. So, I eliminated processed sugars. To my amazement, it was easier than I thought and I LOVE my new dessert. Unsweetened 100% Cacoa, Raw Unfiltered Honey, and then I get to pick my favorite flavor, Peppermint, or one of the citruses, or something else! It takes diligence and I have learned a ton. I was shocked to find that just about all condiments have sugar in addition to just about every other thing we had in our pantry. I now use Tapitio Sauce for all condiments or once in a while yellow mustard. For salad dressings, I just use the hot sauce and call it a taco salad or I use some spices and more of those yummy essential oils which have so much flavor.
