If you have the right horse for you, yes! A lot of riding anxiety comes from mismatched horse and rider. We feel like we are giving up if we sell the horse to a better home for that horse, but I think it is just the opposite.
If a horse isn't a good fit for a person, and we keep them, the horse feels bad that it isn't right. I have sold a few that were not good fits for me, and they blossomed in their new homes. It was hard for me to watch but so rewarding all at the same time.
Horses don't want to hurt us, once we are herd members. Bonding with the horse and learning how to communicate with each horse is so important.
There are horses that are more timid, communicating with them can require a little more finesses but it is amazing to see them gain confidence through clear, quiet communication.
Horses that are more outgoing and maybe even aggressive, require more confidence and "louder" communication. Timing is so important to really show them that you are a partner and can be trusted to lead.
If we let our horses, they will teach us how to relax, breath, ride. In the time since my accident, I have learned so much about my own courage, my fears, and the things that work for me to gain courage. (I share this journey back to courage in my book if you would be interested in reading the whole story, click here). When I get on, if I tense up, I can feel them tense up. I can practice breathing, especially, exhaling, to calm me and feel the horse calm too. I started out with taking four steps. I felt like I was on cloud nine after those first four steps back. Sounds silly, but it was huge for me.
As we build our courage, it will carry over to all areas of our lives. I have become braver in all areas of my life. I am more confident with work, with speaking up for me, with sharing my fears and my successes with others to help them along. I never would have written two books if it wasn't for this amazing journey back to courage and this was enabled by my horses. wasn't for this amazing journey back to courage and this was enabled by my horses.
How to get over horse riding fear depends on what type of fear you are feeling. When I first heard this, it made so much sense to really delve into what type of fear I was feeling and base the answer on the type of fear.
The first type is real fear. This is the fear I feel when my horse starts bucking or rearing. This is the type of fear when I am riding along and see a poisonous snake. This is the type of fear when I am riding along, and a mountain lion drops onto the tail of my horse. All of these fears I have experienced first-hand. The answer to getting over this type of fear is to take action. In these moments, I have to "DO" something. If my horse is bucking, I have to get her to stop. A snake, I need to go around it. The mountain lion, I had to hang on for dear life until I got home. Action is required.
The second type of fear is perceived fear. This is when riding along and seeing what looks like a poisonous snake ahead and it is a tree limb. This is saddling up and having the wind pick up and blowing the trees around. This is having the horse slip and thinking they are bucking. This type of fear requires thinking, evaluation, determination if the fear is real and necessary. If the snake turns out to be a tree branch, no action necessary. With the wind blowing, adjust the ride to stay out from under trees that might have branches falling. Feel the horse and realize that it wasn't a buck but just the horse slipping. In all of these, action may or may not need to be taken but it isn't immediate.
The third type of fear and the one we practice the most, is imaginary fear. This is the "What if's". This is the imagination running wild with all the things that might happen. This robs us of our joy. This robs our horses of knowing that we are present. This is the one that we can overcome! If you are going to use your imagination, pick the "What If's" that you actually want! It takes practice but why not? What if my ride is glorious? What if my horse and I really connect on the ride and have a ton of fun? We get to pick and choose our what if's so why not pick the ones that we want to have happen?
If you have enjoyed hearing my thoughts on fear, you might enjoy my free guide: 3 Ways to Stop Panic
It is hard to breath, the sweat is pouring from your palms, the butterflies have taken over your tummy and you think up another excuse not to ride. Anxiety is real, anxiety is what kept us safe from all the dangers over the years.
But what if you do go ride, can your horse feel your anxiety? The answer is yes and her is my favorite way to explain how they feel it and why they feel it. Just like us, their life depends on feeling the anxiety around them to keep them safe.
Picture a herd of horses, grazing peacefully on the plain. A cougar walks by on the way to the stream to get a drink, the horses don't even raise their head. The cougar, is not a threat, they can feel it.
Picture the same herd, grazing peacefully, when the cougar decides to hunt. The cougar will give off a tension, an energy of the hunt. The horses will feel that change, and RUN.
Same cougar, same horses, same place, but completely different energy from the cougar and the horses life depends on knowing that. The herd survival also depends on the first horse, feeling that energy, alerting the rest of the herd with fear and anxiety. The horses in the herd are completely in tune with the feeling of the other horses and we become the herd leader so our energy is even more important for them to feel.
This is one of the reasons the advice, "fake it until you make it", rarely works with horses. We can put on a brave face but they can feel the breathing change, the sweating, the butterflies, they feel it and their instinct is to run.
Mindset is so important for an amazing relationship with our horses. I talk a lot more about mindset in my book. Click here if you would like to check it out!
Feeling lost with your anxiety and fear is hard. The feelings of not being good enough, not being able to ride, letting fear get in the way, and most importantly, knowing that your horse is feeling your anxiety, are the hardest feelings ever.
We forget what it felt like to ride in joy. We forget the amazing feelings of the saddle and the motion of the horse. The shaking, holding our breath, and just all the things that take over with anxiety feel like they possess us. All of these feelings are natural and normal with fear and anxiety.
There is something we can do about it. Forgiveness. Take some time to forgive yourself. This was so hard for me. I kept going back to all the things I did wrong, not only with the accident, but also with letting my health go, my flexibility diminish, and the anxiety controlling me. I had to forgive all of this.
I made a list of all the things. I hate to admit it, but there was a lot on the list I was carrying around on my shoulders. I started at the top of the list and started forgiving myself for each thing on the list. It didn't mean I was forgetting, it just felt good to know I had made mistakes, I was going to do better, and I could go to my heart and forgive me.
Forgiveness looks different for everyone but here is a sample of what I worked through and how I felt.
I missed the signs of a horse in pain before my accident. I carried this heavy weight with me, it must have been terrifying for him. I forgive myself. I did not know he was in pain. I forgive myself. I did not mean to hurt him or cause him pain. I forgive myself. I learned and have a pre-ride checklist so it never happens again. Feeling this forgiveness, was a weight lifted off my shoulders and with the checklist, it removes anxiety that it will happen again.
Do you have things you need to forgive yourself for?
