I was sitting there with my aunt to get our ears pierced, I was eleven years old and my aunt was too afraid to go alone so she gave me earrings for Christmas so we could go together. I am not a needle person. I didn't want pierced ears. I was terrified but I knew I had to buck up and be brave for her. And I did it! I got my ears pierced! I didn't die, I survived and it was a cherished memory.
Then disaster struck with the whole earring thing. What do you mean turn them every day? What do you mean take them out and put them back in? What do you mean change them out? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????
I know this sound ridiculous, and often times fear seems ridiculous to everyone around us, they don't get it, they don't have our fear. This process, taught me how to find courage. How to take little steps, day after day to build courage. This taught me that yes, courage is a skill, that can be learned.
It took months. My dad had to turn my earrings and put the rubbing alcohol on them. After a few weeks, I was able to turn them, if I was laying down on the bed. My dad had to take them out and put them back in. After a few weeks, I could take the backs off. A few more weeks, I could pull them out. A few more months and I could put them back in and put the back on. Now, it is second nature.
Like many of you, we have areas of our life that are held back by fear. We can choose to learn how to have courage, or to let fear hold us back. We can choose to take the little tiny baby steps that are just out of our comfort zone, one little step at a time to learn courage. We get to overcome our fears, if we choose to. Think about courage as a learned skill. If you can learn anything, you can learn courage.
If you would like some help with learning courage, get my free guide, 6 Steps to Making Better Choices.
Hindsight is 20/20 right? Looking back over my horse accidents, I would say they were all preventable. I know that isn't the case with all horse accidents but in my case, all of them were preventable. Looking back at your accidents, are there things that if you had done them different, you would have had a different outcome.
Unexpected surprise: A great example is the horse in the Disney parade that gets a balloon wrapped around his hind leg and panics. This 100% could have been prevented. The handlers were checked out, just going through the motions of leading the horse, instead of keeping their eyes open and staying focused on the horse. If they had been aware, they would have seen the balloon. Even if they had not seen it, they could have refocused the horse and gotten the balloon off the leg.
What to do: Stay aware, don't check out. I love to play "I Spy" with my horse. This keeps me engaged and makes it fun.
Comfort zone: I competed in a 4' jumper class that was beyond me. I was so excited to be riding in the big ring, until I walked the course. The fences were HUGE. I knew I was not ready. My trainer told me to do it anyway. I froze. Jumping big fences is not the time to freeze. My wonderful horse did his job with a lump sitting on him. I fell off over one of those fences.
What to do: Don't let others push your out of your comfort zone. You decide when you want to move out of your comfort zone. It is like deciding to run and you run a mile. You get excited and run a marathon that weekend. Horse riding isn't any different. I love Warwick Schillers saying to play Donkey Kong. You go a bit, and then start over and go a little bit further, repeat.
Preparation: My big accident happened because I didn't have a pre-ride checklist. I know without a doubt if I had tuned into the horse while tacking him up, I would not have gotten on. He was in pain. He was tense. He had been bit by a black widow and I had no clue.
What to do: Develop your pre-ride checklist for you and your horse! It is different for everyone, but just like a pilot, going around and checking the plane. Check yourself, check your horse, check your tack.
Really think about any accidents you have had and see if you could have prevented it. They are not all preventable but a lot of them are. That gives us confidence! We know we can prevent the things that happen.
Here is a link to my pre-ride checklists if you would like a copy!
When I saw the horse flipping over on top of me, the feeling of falling and seeing that he was going to crush me, left me mentally in much worse shape than I was physically. The fear hung out with me like a dear friend. Like many of you, we have things happen that we cannot control, and the fear remains, long after the danger has passed.
Honor your fear or it will explode to get your attention.
This can be so hard to learn. We are taught to push down our fear, just buck up and do it, get on with it, and we end up feeling so alone in our fear. That feeling that nobody else understands. The hardest part is realizing that we can't just push that fear down. We can honor that fear, the precious fear that is just trying to keep us safe. It means well. It is doing its job. It doesn't know that we are no longer in danger and can make different decisions.
You might be wondering how. Here are my three tips for honoring your fear and returning to joy:
1. Really say thank you to your fear. Feel that it has helped you to stay safe. Take some time with this and let your feelings flow. If you enjoy journaling, put it down on paper. If you are like me and writing isn't your thing, close your eyes and just really breath into the fear, feel gratitude, feel yourself saying thank you.
2. When you start to feel the fear come up, practice amazing "What If's". There isn't anything that says we have to stay in negative what if's. We can pick and choose new ones, ones that fill us up with passion, desire, and joy!
3. Use tools. Whether it be checklists, breathing techniques, calming oils, CBD, preparation, music, or something else. Find out what works for you. Tools have such a bad stigma but really they can help us keep fear at bay and really let it know that we have this, we are good, and not in danger.
If you would like a little help on your "What if's", here is a short video on my thoughts and a little challenge! Click here.
I went 15 years without falling and then competing in a big jumper class, I fell off over a jump. I was talking to my young friend about it and she realized, the last time I had fallen was before she was born and we just paused, and really connected in that moment. We all have the chance of falling or having an accident of any kind, may not even involve horses.
Fortunately, horses have the remarkable ability to help us conquer this fear and unlock our true potential. Let's explore how horses enable us to overcome the fear of falling and discover a new level of self-confidence.
1. Building Trust and Connection:
Horses are known for their intuitive nature and ability to form strong bonds with humans. When working with horses, we learn that trust is the foundation of any successful relationship. Through patient and consistent interaction, we develop a deep sense of trust with these majestic creatures. This trust-building process helps us overcome our fear of falling, as it allows us to relinquish control and rely on the strength and stability of the horse.
2. Developing Balance and Coordination:
Riding a horse requires a certain degree of balance and coordination. As we navigate the challenges of riding, we not only physically learn how to stay centered and in control but also mentally build the confidence needed to face the fear of falling. Horses teach us to embrace our body's natural power and work together in harmony to maintain balance, thus empowering us to overcome the fear that restricts our growth. They also encourage us to improve our health to be better riders!
3. Enhancing Self-Awareness:
Horses possess an ability to mirror our emotions and behavior, providing immediate feedback on our actions. Through this awareness, we can address and work through these emotions, gradually building our self-confidence in the face of falling. Courage pennies is a great way to track this amazing process of gaining courage! Soak up pennies every time you feel confident and use a penny or two when you have fear creap in. It is just a good visual to help!
4. Learning to Trust One's Intuition:
Horse riders begin to tap into their intuitive senses—gut feelings and instinctive responses to different situations. Trusting our intuition is crucial for overcoming the fear of falling, especially using this before we get on. Making sure everything with us and our horse is just right. It enables us to make split-second decisions and respond effectively. As we become more attuned to our intuition, we gain a deep sense of self-trust and confidence, further bolstering our ability to manage the fear of falling.
If you haven't read my book on getting over fear, it is a great process that helps anyone facing fear, know what steps to take to find courage again! You can get it here: Rise from Fear to COURAGE!
I walked into the kitchen to get.....to get......ummmmm....I know I came in here for a reason.
Or worse, you see a friend walking up to you and their name is....ummmmm....?
Like many of you, our car keys get misplaced, we know we paid that bill, we know that person's name, we know what we came into this room for, it is right on the tip of our tongue, but somehow it escapes us.
I believe that losing my dad with short term memory loss was a gift. It set me on a mission to figure out how to improve my memory.
Looking at our day as a whole, we forget billions of things. Are you shocked? I was. Do you remember feeling the floor as you got out of bed? Do you remember the toothbrush, cleaning each tooth? And the list goes on. It is fascinating to think about the huge amount of things we forget every single day. How do we choose what to remember?
Since I have been on this mission, my memory has improved. Here are the things that have helped the memory get stronger:
1. Staying focused in the moment. The more mindfulness becomes a practice, the better the memory becomes. We stop thinking about the past, thinking about what needs to be done, and we just immerse in the now and it is surprising that people's names pop up in our mind, we remember why we walked into the room, we know where we set out keys down because there was intention behind it.
2. Cutting out toxic foods and adding nutrition. This is different for everyone but I know for me, sugar and flour are big brain fog contributors and I was not getting the right nutrition. I didn't know this all caused brain fog but I do now. In fact, I didn't even know I was in a fog until it cleared. My Sudoku times improved 60% and it is so cool to have an actual measurement!
3. My favorite is memory games! There are so many games out there to improve memory. I am still looking into these but so far, I know they are helping me to remember more things in each day, well at least the important things.
We can all get a little bit healthier, practice a little more mindfulness, and get better with age, if we want to. I don't know if you have ever seen anyone lose their memory as they aged but it was one of the most painful things I have seen for them. My dad knew that he should know things but didn't. The anger and frustration was torture for him, from the inside.
If you would like to explore a little more about this, remember to click this link to get my 7 Days to Mindfulness!
