I was pondering a question the other day: "What is a Horses Biggest Fear?" As caretakers, we often think about the basics—food, water, shelter—but then it hit me, not having their herd is their biggest fear. What is the number one challenge I see and hear about when it comes to horses and it falls right in line with their biggest fear? Buddy sour behavior! Almost all of us have experienced that horse that speeds up on the way home or gets unruly when leaving the herd behind.
Horses are social animals; their lives depend on being in a herd. It makes complete sense when you think about it. In a group, they have a better chance of defending against predators like coyotes. The lone horse is the vulnerable one.
This understanding is powerful. With this knowledge, we can better prepare our horses and become the leader of our herd of two. Here’s how:
1. Helping Them Become Comfortable Within Themselves.
Horses thrive when they feel secure. By introducing them to different environments and experiences, we can build their confidence. This can be achieved through groundwork, exposing them to new sights and sounds, or simply spending quiet time with them. When a horse feels safe in their own skin, they're less likely to rely solely on the herd for reassurance.
2. Showing Them We Are Trustworthy Leaders.
Establishing trust is crucial. Horses are incredibly intuitive and can sense our emotions and intentions. Consistency in our actions—whether it’s through clear communication during riding or being calm during handling—helps them see us as reliable leaders. Engaging in activities like groundwork and playing repetitive games with them can strengthen this bond, making them feel secure in our guidance.
3. Keeping Them Safe.
A safe environment is key for any horse. This means not only physical safety—such as well-maintained fencing and clean living quarters—but also emotional safety. Horses are sensitive creatures that pick up on our energy. By providing a calm, confident presence, we help them feel secure. Additionally, teaching them how to navigate the world safely, whether it's through trail riding or exposure to new situations, prepares them for anything they might encounter. Keeping them out of dangerous situations if at all possible.
By focusing on these aspects, we can create a strong partnership with our horses and alleviate the anxiety that often accompanies buddy sour behavior.
If you want to dive deeper into the dynamics of this relationship, tune into my latest podcast episode, "Will I Fail the Horse." Let’s explore these challenges together and discover how we can be the leaders our horses need. You can listen to my podcasts here.
I couldn't breathe, the horse was crushing me into the ground, and I just couldn't get my breathe. I thought I should be terrified with the horse flipped on me, but it was like watching someone else. The whole way to the hospital, I kept asking if I was dying. I didn't think I would make it to the hospital. The accident left very little physical damage thankfully, but the fear came in with a bang. For the next 20 years, I was trying to squelch the fear and find my fearless kid again. Our lives can change in the blink of an eye.
What I didn't know then is that while fear can change our brain wiring in the blink of an eye, we don't have to waste a bunch of time, energy, money, etc. getting our courage back. It really does make sense that if fear can come in that fast, reversing it should be quick too. The real question is, is it possible to get courage back fast and the answer is yes.
I was thinking of our mind as a giant room with really pretty filing cabinets all around. In one corner is a bright red filing cabinet with a large sign over it, DANGER. When we run into something that causes us fear, our subconscious takes it out of the pretty cabinets and puts it in red filing cabinet. Using a process known as NLP, Neuro-Linguistic-Programming, we can pull that file out of the red filing cabinet and put it back into the pretty white one where it belongs. I was still very skeptical.
I had a young lady that was terrified of spiders, so much so, it was hard for her to sleep. I guided her through the process and in about 15 minutes, she was good and said she had no more fear. We went outside and she went right up to a big spider. There was 0 fear according to her. We had pulled that "spider" folder out of the red filing cabinet and placed it back in the pretty white ones and she was so relieved. It didn't take weeks or months of therapy or mindset work, it just took working with her subconscious to pull that file and put it back where it belonged. We gave her a reset from her scary spider experience to like it never happened.
This is the first process I have seen that can get courage back FAST if someone wants their courage back.
If you would be interested in finding out more, let's have a 15-minute chat and see if it would be a good fit for your situation. Just click here to get on my schedule.
My friends were leaving on a trail ride, and I sat there watching them go, fighting my fear. Part of me wanted to go with them so bad but my fear said, NO WAY....just sit here safe. As the tears streamed down my face, and I was feeling sorry for myself, something in me shifted. I actually had time now to ride in the arena and just play with my horse. A feeling of gratitude started to fill me up.
That feeling of gratitude started me on a path to cultivating gratitude. I am not good at gratitude journals, or journals of any kind really, so I had to get more creative in feeling gratitude, especially for my fear, and it became really fun. The more I filled up with gratitude, the less room there was for fear.
Here are a few ways that you can start filling up with gratitude and pushing out the fear:
1. Gratitude Grooming. For those that have horses, put the intention to feel gratitude for all the little things while you groom. The hair, the muscles in both you and the horse, feeling the breathing of both of you. Find as many things as you can while you groom. If you don't have horses, or want a different one, take a walk and find as many things as you can to be grateful for.
2. Reverse Complaints. When you catch yourself with a complaint, reverse it into a gratitude. Here is my example from today. Complaint: I have to work next week instead of spending the time with the grandkids. Gratitude: I have an amazing job that I love, and it helps to pay for our farm where the grandkids get to have some amazing experiences. After I did this, I felt so much better!!! I will be an example of loving what I do. I am grateful I will still get to spend 6 or so hours a day with them. I am grateful I have all kinds of fun things planned. I am grateful they are coming for a visit.
3. Share You Gratitude with Others. Whether quietly or shouting from the rooftops, share your gratitude with others. It will start a gratitude ripple with more and more people feeling good.
I would love to read your gratitude practices if you would like to put them in the comments!
As I stood there preparing horse feed, my mind raced with tasks ahead. YIKES! I had put way too much water in the feed!! Again!!! We have all done it, too much water in the feed, overflowing water trough, driven to a destination and don't remember the drive, etc. It snapped me back into the present moment and got me thinking, why did I snap out of it when it was too late? Why didn't I pay attention in the first place? I had to come up with a way to be with the feed, to stay present!
Interestingly enough, during my hypnotherapy studies they talk about this. This is actually a light level of trance. Our subconscious takes the wheel for the task and our mind goes into monkey mind. This let me to thinking of ways to stay present.
Here are my favorites:
1. Counting. This one is powerful for me. While I am mixing horse feed, I count how many times I stir. While filling the water troughs, I pick something to count like blades of grass, and every 100 I reset, check the water and begin again. Driving I count telephone poles to 25 and then reset. When you have tasks that don't need brain power, keep the monkey in check.
2. Focus on something about what you are doing. While mixing the horse feed, I put a marker in for how much water and I watch it to that line. For the water trough, I scrub the outside of the trough, or I do exercises that requires me to bend and I look at the levels of water or I see what it looks like if I move the hose around.
This carries over to our riding too but that is easier. I have a conversation with my horse just like if I was with a friend on a hike. It keeps me present and sends the monkey for a hike of his own.
If you’d like to quiet your monkey mind and stay present, let’s chat! Get on my calendar.
It was hot and humid as I was cleaning the horse shed. The horses were happily munching their food as the breeze started to swirl all around us. I saw the dreaded plastic bag bouncing around in the breeze around the horses legs. They didn't flick an ear as I stood there in shock. I realized that a lot of what we see in our horses is from us, not them.
I was sharing this with a friend and she told me about the lions and the zebras. She was a safari guide in Afirca for a bit and witneessed the most extroidinary example of energy. She was showing the herds at the watering hole, when a lioness walked right past them, through the herd, down to the water and drank. She then returned to the rest of the lions laying in the shade. Then she witnessed a lioness that must have been a little hungry and ready for dinner get up and start to walk toward the herd. The second lioness didn't make it 5 steps before the closest animals in the herd were on full alert and just a few steps later, there was a stampede, all in unison.
How can this help us?
First, we can clear our energy before we go play with our horses (or our families for that matter). Really be present with our feelings. Are we pushing out negative energies or are we calm and centered? It is so important to respect our relationship with our horses and ourselves enough to be aware of our energy. Our horses love to be with us and help us through things but it shouldn't be like that all the time. We can work on clearing our energy so we can just be with them.
Second, we can focus on where we are headed. When scary stuff comes up, I am the first to jump. I am working to focus on where I am heading and ignore all the scary stuff (unless the fear is real). I have been surprised at how this one small change has be more confident in all I am doing. I am also finding that the more I focus and build my confidence, it is like a wonderful snowball, filling me up with more and more confidence. I am also finding that the more I focus while riding, the less my horses spook at anything.
The third thing that has really been helping me is Hypnotherapy. I was a skeptic but now that it has changed so many things in my life for the better, I am loving being able to help others with this great tool. If you are interested in finding out if this would be a good fit for you, click here!
