I was sitting on the couch the other night feeling stressed. There was nothing wrong. I was comfortable, had a roof over my head, a nice cup of tea, and still had an unsettled feeling. It was the beginnings of fear. I spend a lot of time helping others overcome fear and realized I was thinking of some of their situations, bolting and bucking being the two recent ones. I was not on a horse. I have not had a horse bolt or buck in years and yet, I could feel the fear starting.
I was truly afraid of my thoughts. My mind was controlling my fear! So I worked it out and here are the three things that helped me the most:
1. Recognize the fear. We often are not in eminent danger and yet, we "practice" fear. There is a time for fear, that keeps us from dying. The rest of the time, we don't need fear, it is useless! As you start to feel uncomfortable and those first feelings of fear, thank those thoughts and pivot to wonderful thoughts of happy things. Focus on where you are in that moment.
2. Find Mindfulness. We can be sitting on the couch and feeling fear. Change it up and feel the wonderful sofa, beneath you. Be grateful for the clothes you have the privalage of wearing. Taste the drink you are sipping. Wherever you are and whatever you are doing, feel into that moment. There isn't room for fear when you are filled with gratitude and being mindful of your present.
3. LAUGH. This is my favorite. You can laugh at the silliness of feeling fear while not being in a fearful situation. Picture it as a cartoon. Have a funny joke on hand that makes you crack up. Find what makes you laugh and really laugh! My joke is "Did you hear about the kidnapping down the street? He woke up"........It took me 4 hours to get that joke and the memory of when I finally got it and fell to the ground in hysterics in a shopping mall with my good friends all staring at me.... priceless! When I remember this, I LAUGH. Have a handy laugh memory to get you out of fear and into laughter!
If this helped you out, I would love for you to hear my latest podcast! Turning Riding Fear Around on most podcast platforms or you can listen to any of them here: PODCAST!
After my accident, the worst thing for me was to hear "just do it". It would make me withdraw further into my fear. I sat down with a trainer, Ellicot Miller, and talked to him about the fear and anxiety that riders have. The key takeaway for me was that a lot of trainers have not felt riding fear so they can't comprehend what we are going through. Just as we sometimes don't understand our horses fear, and push them too hard, our trainers do the same to us.
Riding fear is a common challenge among equestrians, yet not all trainers understand how to handle it effectively. Unfortunately, this can lead to advice that, while well-intentioned, might not be helpful. Let's debunk some myths:
Myth 1: "You need to sell your horse."
Fact: Building a Partnership Takes Time
One of the most disheartening pieces of advice a fearful rider might hear is that they need to sell their horse. This suggestion often stems from a lack of understanding of the bond between horse and rider. Instead of giving up, it's more beneficial to work on building trust and communication with your horse. Seek a trainer who can help you develop a step-by-step plan to address your fears while strengthening your partnership with your horse. Improve your courage by working with a Courage Coach (Pick me!!). Most of all, only sell your horse if you feel that is the right decision for you and your horse, not because someone told you to.
Myth 2: "Show that horse who is boss."
Fact: Respect and Understanding Foster Confidence
The idea that you need to dominate your horse to overcome fear is outdated and counterproductive. Horses respond better to calm, confident leadership rather than aggressive dominance. Working to understand your horse's behavior and work with it, rather than against it, will help you build mutual respect and trust. This approach not only alleviates fear but also creates a more harmonious riding experience. Work on your confidence and courage so that you show up as the leader your horse wants you to be.
Myth 3: "You are alone."
Fact: Many Riders Share Your Experience
Feeling isolated in your fear can be incredibly discouraging. However, it's important to recognize that many riders, even seasoned professionals, have experienced similar challenges. Finding a supportive community, whether through local riding clubs, online forums, or supportive trainers, can provide you with the encouragement and understanding you need. You're never alone in your journey, and sharing your experiences with others can be incredibly empowering. Join my free support group if you would like us to cheer you on! Just click here.
Riding fear is a complex issue that requires empathy, patience, and the right support, by you and those around you. By debunking these common myths and focusing on facts, we can create a more supportive environment for riders dealing with fear. Remember, overcoming fear is a process for both you and your horse. Together, you can create a positive and fulfilling riding experience together.
I was hanging out with the horses while they were eating one evening and the wind blew a plastic bag into the pasture with them. That bag swirled around their legs and all around them and the three bay girls didn't even flick an ear toward it. I started to wonder if they spook when I am riding them because of my thoughts and energy instead of actually being afraid of the bag. I thought about being on one of them and I felt the terror of a bag blowing right at us just to see what would happen. I was shocked! They all three spooked! They had not moved for several minutes and I changed my thoughts and they spooked. We may be the ones spooking at stuff more than our horses and this is powerful knowledge.
Here are a few things we can do:
1. Learn to focus, no matter what is going on around you. Pick your favorite color, or a color that is all around you. FOCUS on that color. Fill up with that color. Share in your thoughts that color with your horse. By focusing on something simple, like a color, you can easily ignore everything else and help your horse ignore it all too.
2. There is power in words. Use that power for your advantage. Pick a word or phrase that brings you calm. Mine is "I am the eye of the storm". When I say that, I can feel calm wash over me, even when there is chaos all around me. This is a good one to practice when you are away from your horse. Traffic is a great place to practice! Make it so that you automatically start saying your phrase when you are chaotic situations and then it will be second nature when you ride.
3. Play the positive/negative game. Set a timer for one minute and just write down as many positive or negative words as you can. Count up each category and this is your starting score. Set the timer for minute every day for a month and try and see if you can increase your positive score and reduce your negative to zero. The key is to write down every word/phrase that comes into your head and don't "prescreen" them. That skews the score and reduces the value in the exercise. We want to have our first reaction starting to be more positive in how we think. Here are a few fun words to get you started: smile, laugh, joy, love, bouncy, giggles, excitement, powerful, amazing, sweet, etc.
I realized I had not been riding since October and it was July. I wanted to ride for my 60th birthday so I did! I have done enough work on my courage and soaked up enough courage pennies that I felt great about it. Michelle, my OTTB mare, seemed up for the first ride back in a while.
I know many of you have taken time off, whether to heal, financial, or just life, and would like some tips for getting back riding again.
Here are my 5 steps that I used for this ride:
• Begin with short, gentle rides - I didn't ride long or hard. I just got on and really felt myself in the saddle, felt Michelle under me, walked and did some turns and played with some poles on the ground. Nothing earth shattering from an outside perspective, but boy did it fill up my soul!
• Focus on your breathing - Before getting on, make sure your breathing is relaxed. This time, I used Ferris Wheel breathing mode which is my favorite! I have talked about that on one of my podcasts if you want to find out more. (Episode 1 has the Ferris Wheel Breathing)
• Practice mindfulness - mindfulness is so much fun to play with. This is really simple. It just means, pay attention to you, your horse, your tack, as you are getting ready to ride. Did your tack have any cracks? Was your pad clean? Did you horse have any sore parts as you groomed? Did the hooves look good? If you are really paying attention, you are not in your head with monkey brain, you are not going to miss a sign that you or your isn't ready to ride today.
• Set small, achievable goals - make it so you will feel accomplished. This is different for everyone. My first rides back are usually 4 steps. This last one, I did a few times at 50 feet. Some people may really laugh at that but for me, it was like climbing to base camp of Mt. Everest. Don't go the top, Set your goal for base camp. Whatever that is for you.
• Listen to your body - It was so hot the day I rode. I hosed her off before so she would be cool. I used my Frogg Toggs (if you don't know what one is, check it out here if you have heat, it works wonders!)
Enjoy your riding!!!!
I was going through finances and realized I had spent lots of MONEY for a horse to stand there and wait for me to show up. I had thrown that money away instead of using it for my passion and joy of riding.
Like many of you, as riders with a burning passion for riding, we've made the courageous decision to reclaim our confidence in the saddle. Despite the fears and excuses that have held us back, our heart knows that we were born to ride. Now, it's time to create a mental prep process that will help us overcome our anxieties and rediscover the freedom for riding our horses!
Here are 5 tips:
Acknowledge The Fear
The first step is to acknowledge the fears and thank them. They are trying to keep us safe. Write them down, speak them aloud, or share them with a trusted friend. By giving voice to your concerns, you're taking away some of their power over you. We are not going to stay focused here. We are going to leave them behind and plan our future!
Visualize Success
Spend time each day visualizing yourself confidently mounting your horse, riding with ease, and enjoying every moment in the saddle. This positive imagery can help rewire your brain and boost your confidence.
Develop a Pre-Ride Ritual
Create a calming pre-ride ritual that helps center your mind and prepare your body. This could include deep breathing exercises, gentle stretches, or a quiet moment of reflection with your horse. Check out my pre-ride checklists if you would like some ideas!
Start Small
Begin with short, manageable riding sessions. Set achievable goals for each ride, gradually increasing the duration and complexity as your confidence grows. Celebrate every small victory along the way.
Focus on the Joy
Remind yourself why you love riding. Keep a journal (or at least mental notes if you are like me and don't journal), of your positive experiences and refer to them when doubts creep in. Let the joy of your passion outweigh your fears.
By creating and following your own mental prep process, you're taking a significant step towards reclaiming your confidence in the saddle. Remember, you were born to ride – and with patience, self-compassion, and determination, you'll rediscover the freedom and joy that horseback riding brings to your life.
You can hear my thoughts on my podcast, Turn Riding Fear Around, Episode 19: Mental
Ride Prep Tips.
