It was an early, chilly morning—the kind where your breath forms little clouds in the air, and even the horses’ breaths steam in the crisp atmosphere. I stood at the in-gate, trying to memorize my course and the jump-off for the first class of the day. The biting cold made my hands shake, and I could feel the tremors travel all the way to my brain, making it harder to concentrate. With so many jumps to remember, I knew if I didn’t focus, the whole thing could fall apart.
We all face challenges—whether it’s riding, studying for a test, or dealing with personal struggles. And while these challenges can be daunting, overcoming them builds our mental resilience. As I prepared for my ride, I reflected on how resilience isn’t just about toughing things out—it’s about growing stronger from the obstacles we face.
Here are a few things that have helped me improve my mental resilience over time:
1. Embrace Challenges as Opportunities to Grow
Instead of seeing challenges as roadblocks, try to view them as opportunities to grow. For example, that cold morning at the in-gate wasn’t just about memorizing jumps—it was a chance to strengthen my focus and determination. Write down the challenges in your life and think about how they could help you grow. Even setbacks can lead to valuable lessons if you approach them with the right mindset.
2. Learn from Mistakes and Setbacks
When things don’t go as planned, it’s easy to get frustrated. But I’ve learned that the most valuable lessons come from reflecting on our mistakes. Take a moment to review where things went wrong and consider what you could do differently next time. For me, this meant reviewing how I prepared for that morning’s class and deciding I needed to sharpen my focus in colder weather. This process of reflection helps build mental toughness and resilience for the future.
3. Set and Revisit Your Goals (Even the Ones You Failed)
This is one of my favorite ways to practice resilience. We all have goals we’ve set and, for one reason or another, didn’t achieve. When I look back at my past resolutions—like the ones I made every New Year but never followed through on—I realize that accomplishing them would have brought me joy. But instead of beating myself up, I took a different approach: I set a new goal to laugh 400 times a day. It was too big to measure, but it kept me looking for moments of joy in every day, which made me more resilient in the process.
These are just a few ways to help you develop mental resilience in riding and in life. Remember, the key is not to avoid challenges, but to meet them with a mindset that lets you grow stronger each time.
Ready to build your mental resilience and take your riding (and life) to the next level?
If you’re looking for a little extra guidance and support to help you face challenges head-on and grow stronger, my Courage Coaching Program might be just what you need. Together, we’ll work on strategies to strengthen your mindset, embrace challenges, and turn setbacks into steppingstones.
If you’re looking for a little extra guidance and support to help you face challenges head-on and grow stronger, my Courage Coaching Program might be just what you need. Together, we’ll work on strategies to strengthen your mindset, embrace challenges, and turn setbacks into steppingstones.
Whether you’re looking to improve your riding performance or simply build more confidence in everyday life, I’m here to help you take that next step. Click HERE to learn more and join the program. Let’s tackle this journey together!
Sitting in the warmup ring on my cute gray thoroughbred mare, tears streaming down my face, realizing that once again, I did not have the confidence to ride her through her attitude. I got off and handed her to the teenager to get on and work her through her attitude. What did this young lady have that I didn't have? Confidence. She was half my age, had far less riding experience than I did and yet, here I was, sitting on the sidelines while she "fixed" my horse. We all have those moments when our anxiety and fear get the best of us.
How can we build up our confidence so that we are not the ones sitting on the sidelines?
First, soak up moments of courage outside of riding. The more confidence and courage you have in anything, the more you have in riding. Look for little areas in life where you did something you didn't "FEEL" like doing. You took the courage to do it. For me, going to the dentist is huge. I have built up so much confidence, I now sleep at the dentist. Are there areas in your life outside of riding that you need a bit of courage. Weight loss? Getting healthy? Going to the dentist? Soak up the courage pennies when you have those moments.
Second, while riding, practice getting a little anxious and then coming back to calm. For me, the trigger is the horse lifting their head. I can focus on feeling that anxiety when my horse lifts their head and then feel that go through me and out my fingers and toes. Filling myself back up with calm. As I come back to calm, it feels rewarding and the more I do it, the easier it becomes.
Third, focus on where you are going and what you are doing. Keep the focus on the ride. Shush the what if and monkey chatter and come back to focus. We all have that background talk that can escalate our anxiety, but we also have the ability to move past that and focus in the moment.
Building confidence is a process, but it starts with one small step. Whether you're struggling with riding, facing a personal fear, or just trying to boost your everyday courage, every "courage penny" you earn counts. To help you start building your confidence, download my free eBook, The Ultimate Guide to Courage Pennies. Inside, you’ll find practical steps to help you face fear and build a more confident, courageous mindset—both in and out of the saddle.
Start today. You’ve got this.
That beautiful evening trail ride, which ended just 60 seconds after I mounted the horse when he flipped on me, changed who I was inside my head. Before the accident, I loved riding on the trails. The freedom and the flow with the horse through beautiful country felt it would last forever. But after those 60 seconds, everything changed.
I started questioning myself: Why had that moment affected me so much? As I looked deeper into it, I began to examine my self-talk, and it was like a light went on. So many times, the dialogue in our heads is far harsher than anything we would ever say out loud to others. And mine? It was filled with thoughts like, “I'm not good enough to ride.” “What if I get hurt?” and “Maybe I’m not cut out for this.” I was talking myself out of enjoying the very thing that once brought me peace and joy.
These negative thoughts are the dreams killers—the things we tell ourselves that slowly fade our passions and hold us back.
Here are a few things you can do to change your self-talk:
1. Know What You Are Saying
First, recognize what you're telling yourself. Write it down and take time to reflect on the soundtrack that loops in your mind. Just getting it out on paper is a powerful first step. Acknowledging the negative self-talk is key to changing it. Remember, there’s hope for transformation once you become aware of it.
2. Reframe the Self-Talk
After identifying the negative thoughts, work on reframing the words. Write a new script for yourself and practice saying it out loud. For example, instead of thinking, “What if I get hurt?” try “I am confident and capable. I trust my skills and my horse.” Shifting the narrative in your mind will change the way you show up in the world.
3. Practice, Practice, Practice
Think back to school days when we had to write things over and over—“I will not talk in class”—well, the same principle applies. Once you’ve reframed your self-talk, practice it consistently. Write it down repeatedly, say it aloud in front of a mirror, or even speak it to your horse. Over time, these positive script and reframe, will become your new internal dialogue.
Whatever you do, remember this: Change is possible. And it is incredibly rewarding to feel empowered and positive again. By shifting how we talk to ourselves, we unlock the potential to live our dreams with confidence.
Need help making lasting changes in your life? I have other exercises like this in my Courage Coaching. Click here to find out if it's a good fit for you!
As I walked the course for my first time at 1.2M jumpers, I could feel the excitement but also the anxiety building fast. These jumps looked bigger than me. Was I ready? Could I do this? I was actually terrified. I felt okay warming up, and Atticus was jumping great. But as soon as I walked into the arena, the tension hit me hard. I felt tighter than a garage door spring.
I can't believe we made it over all the fences, but it wasn’t pretty. My horse jumped his heart out for me, and looking back, I was YELLING at him. I was so tense; I was holding the reins with a death grip. My legs were locked tight on his side. I was yelling through my own anxiety, giving off all the wrong signals. Reflecting on that ride, I learned a lot about myself, and most importantly, I learned that communication with horses doesn’t need to be loud. It can be done in a whisper.
Here are three tips to start connecting with your horse in a whisper:
1. Breathe: The most important thing to do when anxiety hits is to focus on your breath. Take deep, steady breaths to calm your body and mind. Horses are incredibly sensitive to their rider's emotions, so if you're calm, they will be too. By letting go of your anxiety in your exhale, you can whisper confidence to your horse.
2. Soft Hands: Instead of gripping the reins, focus on maintaining a soft contact with your horse. A gentle hand will allow you to guide them without tension. Remember, a quiet hand speaks volumes.
3. Relax Your Body: Your horse feels every movement. By relaxing your legs, your seat, and your arms, you’re sending the message that you trust your horse. A relaxed body means a relaxed ride and whispering communication.
I learned the hard way that holding on tight only makes things worse. But with patience, breathing, and a calm connection, you and your horse can move through anything—quietly, confidently, and with trust.
If you would like a little help turning down your anxiety, let's have a quick chat and see if I can help you out! CHAT NOW!
We were heading to a show, and one of the grooms went to load my horse into the trailer. I was busy getting all my tack together and not paying much attention. Then I heard a ruckus and looked up to see my horse heading back to his stall at a high rate of speed, dragging a lead rope.
I ran over and saw the groom getting up after being knocked down—thankfully, he was okay. The groom said, “I knew he was going to do that,” and this shocked me. I had never had an issue loading my horse before. He explained that the last three times, my horse had run him over when trying to load him, and he had expected it to happen again.
Was my horse reflecting the thoughts of the groom?
I’ll never know for sure, but what I do know is that when I went to load my horse myself, he walked right in with no issues at all.
Here are 3 fun ways to play with this:
1. Find some things to be really curious about around your horses.
- For example, find a flower and really get curious about all the nuances in its color. Look at how the petals are attached. Notice if they’re soft or stiff. Get really excited and engaged in this curiosity. Then, see if your horse wants to participate, mirroring your own curiosity. You might be surprised at how your horse picks up on your energy!
2. Play with your emotions around your horses.
- Tap into different emotions—laughter, love, even sadness—and notice how your horse responds to these emotional shifts. (Though, I’d recommend leaving out anger for safety reasons!) Playing with emotions allows you to see how your horse reacts to your energy, and it can lead to deeper connections with your horse.
3. Play with your intentions.
- Before spending time with your horse, set an intention for how you want things to go. Maybe you want a smooth and relaxed ride, or perhaps you want to improve your bond. See if you can guide your time together with this intention, allowing your horse to play an active role in shaping the experience. This is one of my favorite ways to interact with my horse—it feels like the horse has a voice and gets to help guide the moment.
Final thoughts:
Horses are incredibly sensitive to our thoughts, energy, and intentions. By playing with these different aspects, we can create stronger connections and more successful outcomes. The next time you're with your horse, have fun exploring how your curiosity, emotions, and intentions shape the experience—and let your horse guide you!
If you have enjoyed this, I have a guide for some more playing with your horses. 5 Energy Games!
