Overcoming fear over the past twenty years has taught me so much. Looking back, every moment of hesitation was worth the courage it took to push through. The journey was worth the sixty seconds of terror from the horse flipping over on top of me. What I realized is that the process I used is very similar to the process for accomplishing almost anything new or challenging. We all have things we would like different in our lives but just don't know who to begin and what to do. AT a high level, we figure out what steps need to be taken, we plan how to accomplish those steps, and then we implement those steps.
I believe we can all overcome our anxiety and fear if we make that our decision.
Here is a simple process that I used:
evaluate your health (You can do the same for your horses as well):
Set aside some time and sit down with a paper, journal, or some way to take notes. Scan your body and write down what is healthy, what is declining, what is improving, and what needs to be improved. Once you have that list from your scan, prioritize the list for action and commit to yourself to start feeling better now. Don't forget your mindset as well!
Gain knowledge:
Take some time and figure out what knowledge you have and what knowledge you need to accomplish your goal. I was all cocky when I did this part and thought I knew it all but did I? When I really sat down and did this, there were so many things I didn't know, even simple things like how to teach a horse to stand quiet and relaxed at the mounting block for me to get on. Seems simple but I had never trained a horse to do that. It was eye-opening to see how many things I didn't know I needed to know. I had a long list of knowledge that I needed to gain. I would love to hear how it goes with your list. What were your top 2 or 3 priorities on gaining knowledge for you.
Experience it:
Once you have gained the knowledge to at least take the first few steps, do the steps. Don't wait until you have gained all the knowledge and gotten healthy, start now and take small steps toward your destination. Those small steps will give you momentum and courage to continue on with your journey to confidence and courage. You have to do, not just think about doing. DO!
ADJUST:
As you start doing, you will find that you need to make adjustments. These can come in many forms. Adjust your health a little more. Learn a skill you hadn't thought of. It can be just about anything to help you stay on your journey and keep moving towards feeling that confident courageous self you know is inside of you.
Your process has already been created for you! Rise from Fear to Courage: Saddle Up and Enjoy Riding Again shares my journey of overcoming fear and reclaiming the joy of riding. If you're ready to ride with confidence, this book will show you the way. Grab your copy today and take the first step toward fearless riding!
Reflecting on your rides—both the fearful ones and the amazing ones—can help you build confidence and overcome riding anxiety. Fearful rides teach valuable lessons about triggers and responses, while positive rides reinforce courage and connection with your horse. By shifting your perspective, you can turn fear into growth and ride with confidence.
Read more...
Struggling with anxiety and fear can lead to embarrassment, but you can overcome it. Discover three powerful tips to transform your anxiety into confidence: don't worry about others' opinions, use embarrassment as fuel for growth, and be grateful for the experience.
Read more...
It was a simple Christmas party that I had a few people coming over for. It was not my choice. I would have avoided it if it had not been my husband's kids. I started to think, why would I have avoided a simple dinner party with just a few people. I realized, I was afraid of being afraid. I was afraid of things going wrong, but more than that, I was afraid to relax and enjoy the evening. I had developed a fear of fear, and it led me to almost becoming a recluse.
Fear is a natural response, meant to protect us from harm. But what happens when fear itself becomes the thing we fear most? Many people get stuck in a cycle where they aren’t just afraid of a situation—they’re afraid of feeling afraid.
This builds a fear of becoming afraid and shuts us down before we even try.
Fear triggers a physiological response—racing heart, shallow breathing, tense muscles. When we experience this repeatedly, our minds begin associating fear itself with danger. We start avoiding anything that could bring up that dreaded feeling, even if the situation itself isn’t truly harmful.
For example, if you've had a bad fall while horseback riding, you may not only fear riding again—you might start fearing the nervousness that comes with getting back in the saddle. The fear of fear becomes bigger than the fear of falling itself.
Breaking Free from the Fear of Fear
1. Recognize the Pattern
The first step is awareness. Acknowledge that you’re not just afraid of an experience—you’re afraid of how fear feels. This realization alone can give you some power back.
2. Shift Your Perspective on Fear
Instead of seeing fear as a threat, reframe it as a signal. Fear is just your body’s way of preparing you for action. What if, instead of resisting it, you allowed yourself to feel it without judgment?
3. Expose Yourself Gradually
Confidence isn’t built by avoiding fear—it’s built by facing it in small, manageable steps. If riding again feels overwhelming, start by spending time around horses, then progress at your own pace.
4. Use Your Breath
Fear tightens the body, but deep, intentional breathing can release that tension. Try inhaling for four counts, holding for four, and exhaling for six. This helps signal safety to your nervous system. As you exhale, picture the fear and anxiety flowing out of you, out your breath, out your fingers and your toes. As you inhale, feel confidence filling you up.
5. Fill Up with Courage
Fear loses its grip when you actively focus on courage. Picture yourself succeeding. Remind yourself of past moments when you have overcome fear. The more you fill up with courage, the less room fear has to take over.
Confidence Comes from Action
You don’t need to wait for fear to disappear to take action. True confidence comes from moving forward with fear, proving to yourself that you can handle it. When you stop fearing fear, you free yourself to step into the courageous, confident person you’re meant to be.
I can help you explore breaking free from anxiety and stepping into calm. Book your free chat now and take the first step toward finding your calm. I have helped clients with both courage coaching and hypnotherapy to overcome their anxiety and enjoy life again. Schedule your free chat here!
The biggest challenge for me with jumping my horse was "seeing" my distance to the fence. I was determined to get to each jump just right, but the pressure I put on myself filled me with anxiety. The more I tried to control the situation, the more tense my body became. The harder it was to guide my horse to the right spot to jump from, and it quickly became a vicious cycle. It was like swirling around the drain, spiraling deeper and deeper into anxiety.
Looking back now, I realize that it all started with perfectionism—the need to hit that "perfect spot" every time. Perfectionism is something many of us struggle with, whether it’s in our careers, relationships, or even our hobbies. While striving for excellence isn’t inherently harmful, the constant desire to be perfect can create an undercurrent of anxiety that follows us around like a shadow. It saps our joy and keeps us stuck in a never-ending loop of stress and dissatisfaction.
When we chase perfection, we often feel as though we’re falling short, no matter how hard we try. The pressure builds, and the anxiety takes over, often leading to physical tension. I can remember how tight my muscles would get as I overthought every approach to the jump. My mind was racing, but my body was frozen, which only made it harder to execute the task at hand. This was the anxiety speaking through my body, reminding me of my perceived failure to meet an unattainable standard.
The good news is we can break free from the grip of perfectionism, and it starts with awareness. Here are a few ideas to help you shift away from perfectionism and ease the anxiety it causes:
1. Embrace "Good Enough": Acknowledge that perfection isn’t always necessary. Instead, focus on doing your best in the moment, even if it’s not perfect. Perfectionism often prevents us from enjoying the journey, so let go of the need to be flawless, and relax into the journey.
2. Focus on the Process, Not the Outcome: When I stopped obsessing over landing the perfect jump, I started to enjoy the process of riding. Celebrate the small victories and trust that progress is more important than perfection.
3. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned. Perfectionism thrives on self-criticism, but self-compassion fosters growth and reduces anxiety.
4. Shift Your Perspective: Challenge the belief that everything must be perfect. Mistakes are part of learning and growth. Letting go of perfection frees us from anxiety’s grip.
Perfectionism and anxiety are closely linked, but with practice, we can break the cycle. It’s about shifting our focus from perfection to progress, and that’s where true peace lies.
As you ease into relaxation instead of perfectionism, I would love to share my 7 Days to Mindfulness guide with you, it is complimentary and may help you ease into the journey to relaxation. Get the guide here!
