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There I was, in front of 60 people in an arena, with loose horses galloping around me. My task? Get one of these horses to stand still while I walked around them. It felt like pure chaos, and I couldn’t fathom how I would succeed. Sure enough, none of the horses managed to stand still.
The second assignment was to stand still myself while a horse walked around me. Doubts crept in, and I remembered Henry Ford’s quote: “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” In that moment, everything shifted. I stood perfectly still, closed my eyes, and centered myself.
Then, I noticed a frightened gray Arabian mare. She paused, drawn to my calm presence amid the chaos. Visualizing her walking around me, I simply watched as she began to move. I imagined her changing directions, coming closer or stepping back, all while maintaining my stillness. In that moment, I realized I could do anything.
Like many of you, I’ve often been my own worst enemy, doubting my abilities. Thoughts like “I can’t earn more money” or “I can’t make my spouse happy” can be overwhelming. We often fall into the trap of “I can’t.”
But when we embrace the power of “I CAN,” everything changes. That beautiful gray mare reminded me of my own potential, and I encourage you to find your “gray mare”—that symbol or experience that affirms, “YOU CAN.”
There’s another side to this story. The mare was headed for a difficult fate because no one could connect with her. She was in the final stages of training, and if it didn’t work out, she would be lost. For 30 minutes, we danced together. When the trainer finally saw her calm and confident, he recognized her worth and placed her in an amazing home. That day, she learned that “SHE CAN!” too.
So, take small steps every day toward your dreams and goals. Start believing that you can achieve anything, and you will become the person you were always meant to be.
I talk more about calm power in my latest podcast which you can listen too here: "Turn Riding Fear Around"
I had heard the phrase - "Ask a stallion, tell a gelding, negotiate with a mare!" and it really has been helping me think about ways we communicate with our horses. The key principle with this phrase for me is that we need to listen to our horses and adjust our communication for them. The phrase lumps everyone together and we can take a little from each one to become better communicators.
I was timid when I brought Binky home. She was super aggressive, and I shrunk from her. She bit me in the middle of the back and kicked my other horse, Taika, over on top of me TWICE. Not only did I not negotiate with her, but I also didn't tell her or ask her. I let her run the show. She had been through an extremely stressful life and was frantic for normalcy.
When I stepped back and really listened to her, I heard her fear. I felt her fear. I saw how desperate she was for a leader, someone to take charge and let her know she was safe. It was a wakeup call for me. I had to step into that which I feared, COURAGE, leadership, and caregiver. Caring for her emotionally as much as physically.
Because I listened to her, and really heard her, our relationship changed, and I grew in leaps and bounds. I had to step into power.
Our relationship transformed as I visualized myself as a mountain lion—not for her sake, but for my own empowerment. I set food out in the pasture and used a flag to communicate my presence, mimicking the behaviors of a protective leader. In time, Binky relaxed and became the sweetest horse. She no longer felt the need to guard herself; she allowed me to lead and keep her safe.
Remember, sometimes you must be firm—not cruel—to gain their trust and foster a deep bond.
I share more on my thoughts about this in my latest Podcast you can find on most podcast platforms or click here.
In December 2019, I embarked on a mission to cleanse my life of toxins. The results were remarkable. I transitioned from experiencing hot flashes every 5-10 minutes to having none at all. Night sweats, which had plagued me nightly, vanished. I felt rejuvenated. At the same time, I was caring for a horse with liver issues, and I was advised to remove all toxins from her environment to aid her recovery. The transformation was astounding. My horse, once aggressive and unpredictable, became gentle and affectionate. Even my equine chiropractor noticed the remarkable change in behavior, comparing her newfound calmness to that of geldings.
Maintaining a toxin-free environment had become a routine for us, ensuring our well-being and harmony. However, an eye-opening experience made me realize just how significant this change was. During a routine clean-up, I stumbled upon six jars of SWAT, an insect repellent I had previously used. Despite my better judgment, I decided to use them for the summer instead of sticking to my newly established, toxin-free practices.
The results were almost instantaneous. Within 24 hours, I began to experience hot flashes and night sweats again. The mares, who had previously been calm and cooperative, suddenly reverted to their aggressive, territorial behavior. The peaceful farm atmosphere quickly descended into chaos, with tensions rising and tempers flaring. It took me another few days to figure out what was going on while we all suffered.
This unexpected turmoil drove home a powerful lesson: even seemingly small toxins can have significant impacts on our health and the well-being of those around us. The experience reaffirmed my commitment to maintaining a toxin-free lifestyle, proving that the changes I had made were not just beneficial but essential for harmony and health.
I challenge you to start going through the ingredients before replacing something and look up the ingredients. See what is in the product you are using and what you are using on your horses too. Just start switching stuff out as you go. You will be amazing on the tranquility that descends on your farm.
I talk more about this on my latest podcast if you would like to listen to it. TURN RIDING FEAR AROUND.
I hit my funny bone when I was 5 and boy it wasn't very funny! I can still remember that day like it was yesterday. The tears streaming down my face, I ran into the house and my dad had me come over to him. I thought he was going to comfort me and wipe my tears......but not my dad. He stomped my foot. He said "now your elbow doesn't hurt anymore, right?" And we both CRACKED UP!!! It was a defining moment. He did this a lot when we were upset or had hurt ourselves. It really was a blessing to laugh through life.
One day, as I was feeling fear come up, I saw it as a cartoon and I started to laugh. It gave me the idea to look at the memories of my accident and see if I could turn the memories around to laughter! I succeeded. Now when I look back, I see a horse with ballet slippers and a tootoo, dancing around with me as his partner, lifting me up and dancing with me. Then I see the acme coyote and the road runner come into the picture and all acme caos breaks loose but when all the dust settles, there I am, riding off into the sunset with the road runner. It is powerful. Like many of you, we sit in our memories and our thoughts of what if all the negative stuff. Nobody says we have to stay there.
Here is how you can use laughter:
1. Recreate your memories so that they make you laugh, good ole belly laughing. Whatever makes you laugh, make that your memories. Nobody says we have to remember things the way they happen. I give you permission to recreate your memories!
2. Create a future that fills you with joy and laughter. I set a goal to laugh 400 times a day so that I am looking for things to laugh about but it is too big to measure. Find things every day that help you laugh through life. It isn't always easy, but it is always fun.
I share a lot about how I learned to laugh in my book, "Turn Your Family Around with Laughter" that you can get here, on Amazon.
That day, I just couldn't get on and join the trail ride with my friends. They were all yelling at me, "Just get on! Come with us! Nothing is going to happen." But the fear held me back. I sat there in tears as they rode out together, watching them go while my horse stood next to me, all tacked up and ready.
I did eventually ride in the arena, tears streaming down my face. In that moment, it was just me, my wonderful horse, and my overwhelming fear. Despite being there with my trusted companion, I felt utterly alone.
Like many of you, horse riders are often seen as strong and resilient. We don't want others to see our vulnerabilities, especially when it comes to fear. Our trainers and friends might not truly understand what we're going through.
Here are a few tips:
Recognize your fear and honor it. It is there to keep you safe. You don't have to give in to it but by recognizing it and thanking it, it loses some of its power.
Acknowledge that you are strong, and you also have a wide range of emotions to be felt and expressed. Not everyone is going to understand your emotions and being able to communicate them is important and it is also important to listen to your friends and trainers and take in what they are saying. Acknowledge that they mean well and see things from a different perspective. See if there are nuggets you can use from what they are saying.
Practice self-compassion. To me, this means loving ourselves even though we have fear. It is natural. It attempts to keep us safe in the best way possible. We can slowly breakdown our fear and adjust it, bit by bit, so that we can rebuild our courage from our compassion.
Most importantly, know that you are not alone.
You can listen to my thought on this in my latest podcast you can listen to here! Turn Riding Fear Around.
