How Does Fear Spread?

How Does Fear Spread?
Watching the horses graze, soaking up the sun, sharing the calm all around them, I realized that calm and fear cannot exist in the space.  There are of course exceptions but in general, this is true.  So how does this calm scene turn into a place of fear?  How does the fear spread and why is it important for riders?

We had a tree fall in our pasture and I didn't know directly since I couldn't see the tree, I knew from the horses' panic that something was wrong.  I felt fear.  I felt their fear and added my fear to it.  All three horses were running, fleeing for their lives in their mind.  There are so many examples of this and watching a herd can be a tremendous learning opportunity.

Let's back up and look at this closer.  The tree probably cracked a bit, which would have had the horses looking.  One horse may have lifted their head first, and then the others followed.  Then, as the tree fell and made noise, they ran away from the noise.  This is a great thing; it kept the tree from falling on them.  It truly was a matter of life and death, and they chose life.  When they no longer heard the noise, they stopped, turned and looked at the tree.  Very quickly, their heads went down, and they returned to grazing.  Nature at its finest.

I talked a little bit about the fear behind me, when I thought Michelle was going to run me over.  She reacted by thinking something was behind "US" that was going to eat us, so she tried to run me over.  Once I realized the nonsense and filled up with confidence, she walked along behind me quietly and looked to me to lead.  There is so much of this in riding as well.  If we are looking around for what might scare our horse, guess what they are looking around for?  This is why the police clinic teaching was so important.  FOCUS 100 feet ahead on where you are going and completely ignore everything else.  They have to ignore all the rioting, bottles being thrown at them, etc and they never know what that thing is going to be so they can't desensitize to everything.  They have to FOCUS on what they want, where they are going, and what they are doing and the horses feel that confidence.

It can be so hard at first to feel that confidence and have that focus.  I had to use a few tools to help me out (you can check them out here if you would like), and that got me over the hump.  Once I had a few confident rides, I had more confidence, and it was like an amazing snowball of becoming the leader I used to be.

If you enjoyed this, here are a few exercises to help build that confidence so our horses can feel it!  Ghosts of Anxiety - Past, Present, Future


Can Horses Sense Fear? I have proof!

Can Horses Sense Fear? I have proof!

It was a really windy day.  Tarps and boxes were blowing around and the noise from the leaves in the trees was like a freight train.  I took Michelle for a walk because other than the wind, the day was gorgeous.  I thought it would be good to practice walking behind me at the end of the lead rope.

 

Up the hill, she was so good.  She stayed back and we had a great walk.  Around the corner of the pasture, we kept walking and voila, the cardboard flew off the car trailer right next to us.  It gave us a great opportunity to do some work and ignore the cardboard.  She did very well but I could tell I was at her threshold.

 

We turned to walk back to the pasture gate.  She was at the end of the lead rope behind me, but I could tell she was a powder keg by now.  I kept checking over my shoulder to make sure she didn't run me over and she escalated some more.  I checked more.  Then, BAM, it hit me. Can horses sense fear?  YES! 

 

She didn't know I was worried about her running me over.  She thought I was worried about what was behind us, the cardboard, attacking.  When I had that realization, I immediately started walking confidently just like I had on the way out.  It was a drastic difference for her.  She immediately blew out and started to relax.  She followed along at the end of the lead rope, and I knew she wasn't going to run me over.  I was confident.  I needed to be her leader, not the person afraid of being run over.  As soon as I let go of the fear behind me, she let go of the fear behind her and we had a lovely walk back to the pasture.

 

As I was reviewing this later, I realized that the fear of what is behind us is far more than just in that moment.  My fear of my accident in 2000 was a fear of what was behind me, in the past.  There are so many fears that we carry along that are behind us.  These fears are an anchor holding us back from living life to the fullest.  Drop the anchors, raise the sails and become the captain of your life!


What is Mindfulness and How Does it Apply to My Horse?

What is Mindfulness and How Does it Apply to My Horse?
Looking back through your life can lead to regrets, to joy, to fear, to so many feelings all over the spectrum.  This is where some people live their life.  With horses, it might be trauma they suffered, like my mare, Taika, that flipped in the starting gate and fractured her skull, or Binky, who was trapped in a barn with the roof blown off through hurricanes Irma and Maria.  It might be us living our life based on a horse accident and letting that dictate how we feel about riding horses now, even if the accident was years ago.

There are also those that are stuck in the "what if" mode.  What if I get hurt, fall off, have a horse run away with me?  For the horses, they are always looking for what might kill them.  The plastic bag, the whip, the saddle that doesn't fit right.  These feeling of what if can cause extreme tension and bracing in us and our horses.

Mindfulness is being present, in this moment, here and now.  It is letting go of the feelings that come up from things in our past and it is looking at what is going on right now instead of the what if's that might be coming.  The amazing thing about mindfulness is that it can be learned.  Mindfulness is beneficial around our horses and even just in our daily lives.

What is mindfulness in daily life?  I was making my breakfast smoothie the other day and thinking about riding that afternoon instead of being present to what I was doing with my breakfast.  I had a feeling of stop, something isn't right, but I just kept right on thinking of riding and pouring cinnamon in my drink, ignoring that feeling to stop.  When I looked down, I had the garlic powder.  I can say that garlic powder is not as yummy in my morning drink as cinnamon.  This really shook me up.  Something so simple but so powerful.  I drank my morning drink while I cringed from the strong taste, but it was a good reminder to be mindful in the moment.

I first heard about mindfulness at a silent retreat I went to, and they promoted being mindful for the 5 days we were there.  They talked about eating mindfully.  Tasting the food, feeling the texture, picturing the journey the food took to become the morsal in my mouth.  They talked about walking mindfully.  Feeling the earth beneath the feet.  They talked about smelling the morning air and all the flora that was around.  They encouraged us to feel the breeze, the sun, the weather.  

The wonderful thing about being mindful is that you can't be in a state of worry (looking into the future), and you can't be depressed (looking into your past) while you are in the present moment.  With horses, it is so much more than that.  It is about truly "BEING" with the horse, in each and every moment.  It really does help fear melt away.

If you would like to learn about mindfulness in 7 days of exercises, please click here!




Can horses feel when you are nervous?

Can horses feel when you are nervous?
Picture yourself, as a zebra, in the middle of the herds grazing in Africa.  It is a beautiful day, light breeze blowing, the other zebras are quietly munching on the green grass around you.  A lion creeps into the edge of the meadow, searching for lunch.  A zebra on the edge of herd, feels the tension in the air and sounds the alarm, racing away from where it feels the danger.  All the herd runs except you keep eating the lush grass and don't "FEEL" the danger.  You would be lunch.

Horses are no different.  Their instincts require that they feel the energy around them.  Their life depends on it.

Are there things we can do that will help reduce our nerves and help our horses to remain calm?  Yes, but the one thing I have found with horses that doesn't work very well is "Fake it 'til you make it".  They can feel your energy while you are trying to fake it unless you can actually shift your energy and then you aren't really faking it.

1. Practice getting your nerves stressed and bringing them back down.  Exactly what we do when we desensitize our horses, we can also do for us.  Sit in a comfy chair, close your eyes, and picture something you fear.  Feel your stress start to increase.   Practice breathing in a square or circle.  With the square, I like breath in for count of 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4, focus on this count until you feel great again.  The other one I like is picturing my breathing is a Ferris wheel, going in a circle.  The most critical is to not hold your breath.  Make sure you practice exhaling.
2. Visualize an amazing time with your horse.  I like to picture myself as the eye of the storm, strong, powerful and calm.  I love practicing this while I am with my horses, they relax and change when I am that calm energy.
3. I use CBD for my first rides back after a break.  It really helps to take the edge off and if the horses get nervous, I use a brand that will also help them.  Most is not approved for horses; it took me a while to find one for both of us.  (Click here if you would like to check it out).

I would love to be able to feel what other energies are around me like horses do.  I think it would be fascinating.

If you have enjoyed this, you might enjoy my 3 ways to stop panic guide!  Click here if you would like a copy.

Can Horses Help to Get Over Riding Anxiety?

Can Horses Help to Get Over Riding Anxiety?

If you have the right horse for you, yes!  A lot of riding anxiety comes from mismatched horse and rider.  We feel like we are giving up if we sell the horse to a better home for that horse, but I think it is just the opposite.  

 

If a horse isn't a good fit for a person, and we keep them, the horse feels bad that it isn't right.  I have sold a few that were not good fits for me, and they blossomed in their new homes.  It was hard for me to watch but so rewarding all at the same time.

 

Horses don't want to hurt us, once we are herd members.  Bonding with the horse and learning how to communicate with each horse is so important.

 

There are horses that are more timid, communicating with them can require a little more finesses but it is amazing to see them gain confidence through clear, quiet communication.  

 

Horses that are more outgoing and maybe even aggressive, require more confidence and "louder" communication.  Timing is so important to really show them that you are a partner and can be trusted to lead.

 

If we let our horses, they will teach us how to relax, breath, ride.  In the time since my accident, I have learned so much about my own courage, my fears, and the things that work for me to gain courage. (I share this journey back to courage in my book if you would be interested in reading the whole story, click here).  When I get on, if I tense up, I can feel them tense up.  I can practice breathing, especially, exhaling, to calm me and feel the horse calm too.  I started out with taking four steps.  I felt like I was on cloud nine after those first four steps back.  Sounds silly, but it was huge for me.

 

As we build our courage, it will carry over to all areas of our lives.  I have become braver in all areas of my life.  I am more confident with work, with speaking up for me, with sharing my fears and my successes with others to help them along. I never would have written two books if it wasn't for this amazing journey back to courage and this was enabled by my horses. wasn't for this amazing journey back to courage and this was enabled by my horses.


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