I was tacking up Taika for a ride on a lovely spring day. We had spent time together as I groomed, and she ate hay off the round bale. I put the saddle on and as I ducked down to get the girth from the other side, I saw two hind feet headed right into Taika's side, the side away from me. She was kicked so hard, Taika, the saddle and I all ended up on top of the round bale in a heap. Taika had stood there and protected me, kept me safe. All I could think was I am so sorry Taika; I had no idea. The more I thought about it, the more I realized, horses don't say sorry. Horses are confident in who they are, in their being.
As I sat there reflecting on the incident, I realized how often we, as humans, apologize for things outside our control. Horses, on the other hand, live in the moment. They respond to situations based on their instincts and experiences, not out of guilt or the need to please others.
Embracing Confidence Like a Horse
So, how can we learn from Taika and the horses in our lives? Here are a few key takeaways:
1. Live Authentically: Horses are true to themselves, responding genuinely to their environment. Embrace your authentic self without feeling the need to apologize for who you are.
2. Respond, Don’t React: Just as Taika instinctively reacted to the kick, we should learn to respond to situations thoughtfully rather than letting fear or insecurity drive our reactions.
3. Practice Self-Compassion: Instead of saying “I’m sorry,” practice self-compassion. Acknowledge your feelings without diminishing your confidence. It’s okay to make mistakes; they are part of growth.
4. Stay Present: Horses live in the moment, focusing on their immediate environment. When we remain present, we can respond to challenges with clarity and confidence.
5. Cultivate Confidence: Just like Taika stood tall after the incident, we can work on building our confidence through self-care, reflection, and embracing our strengths.
As we move forward, we can commit to being more intentional with our words and actions. We can channel that horse-like confidence, letting go of unnecessary apologies and embracing our true self.
Final Thoughts
The next time you find yourself saying “I’m sorry” when it’s unwarranted, pause and reflect. Ask yourself: What would my horse do? It’s time to learn from our equine friends and embody the confidence they naturally exude.
Let’s strive to be more like Taika—strong, confident, and unapologetically ourselves.
Ready to Stand Confidently in Your Own Strength?
It’s time to stop saying “I’m sorry” for being you! Join me for personalized courage coaching designed to help you embrace your true self and overcome fears that hold you back. Together, we’ll build the confidence you need to face challenges head-on without diminishing your worth. Sign up today and take the first step toward an empowered, unapologetic you!
Michelle and I were standing in the shade of a big tree, watching a session at the clinic. It was one of the hottest days of summer, and Michelle had dozed off, resting peacefully. The guy sitting next to us finished his bottle of water and crushed it, and suddenly, Michelle jolted awake. She leaped so high that it looked like she might get stuck in the tree!
This moment reminded me of a few important things: the fear was perceived, not real; that water bottle wouldn’t have eaten her! It highlighted a gap in her emotional well-being—a fear of loud, unexpected noises. I realized how similar this was to our fears about riding. Could this experience be used to help us, just as I helped her overcome her fear?
Here’s what I found that can help you transform fear into courage:
1. Practice Perceived Fear and Remaining Calm: I turned to YouTube and started watching short clips of horses loping with riders. As my fear began to surface, I focused on remaining calm. I practiced feeling my calm flow into the horses’ calm. I examined my fears and triggers, watching these clips while envisioning how I would handle those situations—safely seated in my chair.
2. Use the 80/20 Technique: Inspired by Alicia Dickinson, I practiced the 80/20 method, which involves putting 80% of your weight in your stirrups and 20% through the rest of your legs and seat. I practiced sitting on the edge of a chair, on an exercise ball, and finally on my horse. This sturdy feeling really helped turn my fear of falling into confidence, as it felt like I was just standing on solid ground, balanced.
3. Plan for Your Fears: Create a list of your fears and triggers, then plan how you would handle each one. Practice this plan until you feel confidence growing and fear fading away.
4. Implement Your Practice: Once you’ve practiced, it’s time to get back in the saddle! Make adjustments as needed, continuing to build your tools for confidence. With each step, you’ll find your fears becoming smaller and smaller.
Ready to Transform Your Fear into Courage?
Let’s chat! I offer personalized services tailored to your unique needs. Whether you’re looking to build confidence in the saddle or overcome specific fears, I’m here to help. Schedule a chat with me today! Together, we can create a plan that works for you!
My birthday is in the summer, and sitting out on the patio, enjoying the warm California day with family and friends, taught me the value of celebrating. Between swimming, riding ponies, and playing games, I learned that celebrations shouldn’t just happen once a year. We all get caught up in the day-to-day tasks, chores, and living life, often forgetting to take a moment to celebrate ourselves and our achievements.
For those of us with anxiety and fear, it’s even more important to develop a habit of celebration. Celebrations keep us feeling good, even through the hard times, and if we can celebrate coming out of difficult situations, we tend to emerge from them faster the next time. Recognizing any and all little bits of courage and joy can help us find more positivity in our lives.
Here are some tips for incorporating celebrations into your daily routine:
1. Celebrate Small Wins. Every accomplishment matters, no matter how small. Did you complete a task you’ve been putting off? Did you push through a moment of fear? Take a moment to acknowledge and celebrate these wins. A simple “I did it!” can make a difference.
2. Set Celebration Goals. Set specific goals related to your fears or anxieties and plan a celebration for when you achieve them. For instance, if you’re working on riding your horse with more confidence, reward yourself with a fun outing or a special treat once you hit your goal.
3. Celebrate Your Progress. Keep track of your journey and celebrate your growth. Create a visual representation of your accomplishments, such as a courage penny bank or a progress chart. Seeing how far you’ve come can be incredibly motivating and worth celebrating!
Celebrating doesn’t have to be extravagant; it’s about recognizing the moments that make life enjoyable. By developing a habit of celebration, you create a positive feedback loop that helps you navigate fear and anxiety more effectively. So, take a moment today to celebrate YOU—you deserve it!
I would love to have you celebrate with me on publishing my 50th podcast, Turn Riding Fear Around! You can listen on most podcast platforms or watch here on Rumble.
I was 12 or so years old out riding my pony with friends and we were having so much fun on the trails. We saw a man a hundred yards away or so and what happened next terrified us. He sent his dogs to "GET US". They were four Rhodesian Ridgebacks, and they came full speed right at us on our ponies as if they were going to tear us apart. We turned and ran as fast as our ponies would run and managed to all make it to safety. There are times when riding, like this one, where fear is so important. We don't want to ride completely without fear. We just want to get rid of imaginary or perceived fear.
Here are three things that have helped me ride without fear:
1. Being mindful is probably the most important. There is so much in this. Paying attention before getting on to how you are feeling, how your horse is feeling and is it a good day for a ride for both of you. Once riding, pay attention as you ride to how you are feeling, how your horse is feeling, and what is going on around you but keeping focus on where you are heading. Even in an arena, keep the focus on the direction just like driving a car. Stay mindful of where you are heading and what you are doing.
2. Have a conversation with your horse. Ask your horse for responses and really listen to the responses you get. Watching their ears is a great way to start to see their responses. Stay in tune with your horse while you are riding. It is more like having a conversation with a great friend then what so many people think of master and horse. Play with the conversation and see how light you can ask for things and see how tiny of a response can you feel while listening to your horse.
3. Have an exit plan. If you know some of the things that trigger your fear, put together an exit plan. This could be breathing exercises, singing, something with your voice which keeps you from holding your breath. It can be refocusing on where you are heading, circles, figure eights, or something movement wise. Know if "A" happens, I will do "X". Whatever this is for you, look at the things riding that scare you and put a plan together on how you will handle it and then practice that. Also, don't be ashamed to have someone lead you or to get off. These are both viable and safe options.
If you have enjoyed these tips, you could get my free Pre-Ride Checklists for horse and rider to help you make sure you and your horse are ready for the ride. Pre-Ride Checklists!
I was sitting on my pretty grey mare, tears streaming down my face as my trainer yelled at me, "Make her move, now!" I had tried everything, but I couldn’t get her to budge. Frustrated, I got off and handed her to my trainer to "fix" the situation for me.
That day is etched in my memory as a moment when I was rigid—both physically and mentally. This experience fueled my fears, leaving me uncertain about how to cultivate flexibility. Eventually, I realized I needed to confront my fears instead of simply handing my horse off to someone else. By the time I sold her, I had learned some valuable lessons.
The Role of Mental Flexibility in Overcoming Fear:
Just as a horse can become stuck, I found myself in a similar mental state—frozen, staring blankly at the challenge ahead. I recognized that when working with horses, I would distract them to encourage movement. I needed to apply the same principle to myself. I learned to mentally redirect my focus, distracting myself from fear and refocusing my energy. Instead of curling up in a mental fetal position, I chose to embrace flexibility in my thoughts.
The Role of Physical Flexibility in Overcoming Fear
My mental rigidity translated to my body, causing it to shut down. Looking back at photos from that day, I noticed how slouched and curled up I appeared—essentially fetal while sitting on my horse. Since then, I’ve discovered that even a small adjustment, like lifting my head, can significantly boost my confidence. That tiny shift makes me want to straighten my shoulders and sit taller. I was amazed to find that this minor physical flexibility encouraged my horse to free up her feet and start moving. She could sense that I was ready to go.
Recently, my anxiety and fear have dropped to zero and calm has taken over. I have received a number of hypnotherapy sessions, and it has added so much to my flexibility mentally. If you have ever been curious about hypnotherapy and reducing fear and anxiety, schedule a chat with me to see if it would be a good fit for you. Hypnochat with Me!
