Learning how to swim was challenging for me. I remember it like it was yesterday, the struggle to stay above water even though I was just swimming a little bit further and further each time I tried. My sister learned really fast, they threw her in the deep end and held a pole out for her to reach for. Bam, one session and she was swimming. There is a whole spectrum in between. I think overcoming fear and anxiety falls onto this scale and from what I have seen, trainers are on the deep end side of things, just do it, and most of us with fear, prefer to work though it, a little bit at a time. Like "What About Bob" if you saw that great movie for overcoming fear.
The big question is how do we do this? Here are a few steps that worked for me.
1. Set a goal that feels doable. When I started overcoming my fear, my goal was to get on and take four steps. I was elated when I jumped off after 4 steps!
At some point, you have to get on. Pick a day that the horse is ready and you are ready. Don't use this as an excuse but also don't do it on a day there is lightning or winds.
2. Figure out what the best day will be and do it. Get on and accomplish your goal and then celebrate.
3. Get help if you want. Alicia Dickinson is a Grand Prix Dressage rider and when she takes a new horse out on the first hack, she has someone lead it. She makes safety a priority. Don't feel bad if you need a little help. I would make sure the horse is great for mounting and standing still, don't have someone holding the horse dancing around to mount. That is a recipe for more fear. Having someone put a lead rope on and just walk with you will boost your confidence. I give you permission.
4. Use safety equipment if it makes you feel better. I ride with a helmet, my Sea Doo life jacket, and a neck strap to grab onto.
Figure out your baby steps, plan them, and then most importantly, DO THEM!
If you want to hear me talking about "Deep End vs. Tiny Steps", it is on my latest podcast you can find here:
After my accident, I found that if the horse I was riding lifted its head a little bit, I got off. The trigger for my fear was the start of a rear. Like many of you that have some anxiety or fear, there is a trigger that starts our mind down the process of creating the fear. Whether it be the horse speeding up a bit, or dropping its head like it might buck, or like me, lifting its head like it might rear, there is something that starts that spiral into fear.
Here are my favorite three things to stop the spiral and regain confidence:
1. Distract the mind. I love playing games with my horse (and others if I am riding with company). When we were little, my parents played games with us while driving and they have carried over into my riding. "I'm taking a trip and in my bag I pack......" is one of my favorites. I do something for me and then something for the horse and then me and then the horse. Another one is playing "I Spy" to focus on where I am heading with my horse. Create your own games to play!
2. Police Focus. I learned this watching Binky at a police clinic. They had the rider focus 100 feet ahead of them as they rode past all kinds of crazy things. It was amazing how it worked. Nervous horses and nervous riders we no match for crystal clear focus out in front of them. I now know why my trainer was always yelling at us to LOOK UP, but they never explained why.
3. Say as many nursery rhymes as you can remember. This is a fun one too. I started off, "Chilly Willy was a bear....." and then realized that didn't work and cracked up. I had to look up "Fuzzy Wuzzy" when I got home. I was amazed at how many I could remember and also how many I could not remember.
If you want to hear me talking about "Chicken Posting", another great way to distract the mind, it is on my latest podcast you can find here:
The point of all of these is to keep the mind distracted from spiraling into the negative thoughts that lead to fear and anxiety. It works for all kinds of things, not just riding.
There I was, walking along chatting with a friend in the ring, not a care in the world. There was a trail below the arena and someone riding by, pulled a switch off a bush and as the bush snapped back, it flung something right into my horses face. My horse spun so fast I was sitting on the ground exactly where my horse had been.
I know without a doubt this could have been prevented! I was not paying attention to my horse, and my horse was not tuned in to me.
Here are three things that could have helped to keep me from hitting the ground:
1. Random pattern riding - this is really fun to do on your own or when you are riding and talking to someone. Ride a flower pattern, see if you can move right and left a little bit bigger and bigger so you end up with a cone shape. Make squares. Have fun with it.
2. Subtle Engagement Cues - I love seeing if I can use small cues or even just my thoughts and have my horse engage. Think about moving your pinky on one of the reins and having the horse move the ear on that side. What if you point your toe out a little bit and the horse moves his front leg in that direction. It keeps you both engaged.
3. Sensory Engagement Technique - This one is really interesting. See how many senses you can have the horse respond too. Some of this you might want to do on the ground first. I love getting dog toys with the squeaky thing in them that are like massagers. Massage the horse which engages touch and also the squeaky engages hearing. Play with soft towels or course sponges. Take them in your pockets while you ride and engage your horse rubbing their neck, withers, shoulders or butt.
The real key to staying safe is to make sure you and your horse are are connected at all times, even when you are chatting with someone, keep the horse involved.
For further information, in Episode 24 of Turn Riding Fear Around podcast, I talk about techniques for staying focused in the saddle! You can listen on most podcast platforms or click here!
I was sitting on the couch the other night feeling stressed. There was nothing wrong. I was comfortable, had a roof over my head, a nice cup of tea, and still had an unsettled feeling. It was the beginnings of fear. I spend a lot of time helping others overcome fear and realized I was thinking of some of their situations, bolting and bucking being the two recent ones. I was not on a horse. I have not had a horse bolt or buck in years and yet, I could feel the fear starting.
I was truly afraid of my thoughts. My mind was controlling my fear! So I worked it out and here are the three things that helped me the most:
1. Recognize the fear. We often are not in eminent danger and yet, we "practice" fear. There is a time for fear, that keeps us from dying. The rest of the time, we don't need fear, it is useless! As you start to feel uncomfortable and those first feelings of fear, thank those thoughts and pivot to wonderful thoughts of happy things. Focus on where you are in that moment.
2. Find Mindfulness. We can be sitting on the couch and feeling fear. Change it up and feel the wonderful sofa, beneath you. Be grateful for the clothes you have the privalage of wearing. Taste the drink you are sipping. Wherever you are and whatever you are doing, feel into that moment. There isn't room for fear when you are filled with gratitude and being mindful of your present.
3. LAUGH. This is my favorite. You can laugh at the silliness of feeling fear while not being in a fearful situation. Picture it as a cartoon. Have a funny joke on hand that makes you crack up. Find what makes you laugh and really laugh! My joke is "Did you hear about the kidnapping down the street? He woke up"........It took me 4 hours to get that joke and the memory of when I finally got it and fell to the ground in hysterics in a shopping mall with my good friends all staring at me.... priceless! When I remember this, I LAUGH. Have a handy laugh memory to get you out of fear and into laughter!
If this helped you out, I would love for you to hear my latest podcast! Turning Riding Fear Around on most podcast platforms or you can listen to any of them here: PODCAST!
After my accident, the worst thing for me was to hear "just do it". It would make me withdraw further into my fear. I sat down with a trainer, Ellicot Miller, and talked to him about the fear and anxiety that riders have. The key takeaway for me was that a lot of trainers have not felt riding fear so they can't comprehend what we are going through. Just as we sometimes don't understand our horses fear, and push them too hard, our trainers do the same to us.
Riding fear is a common challenge among equestrians, yet not all trainers understand how to handle it effectively. Unfortunately, this can lead to advice that, while well-intentioned, might not be helpful. Let's debunk some myths:
Myth 1: "You need to sell your horse."
Fact: Building a Partnership Takes Time
One of the most disheartening pieces of advice a fearful rider might hear is that they need to sell their horse. This suggestion often stems from a lack of understanding of the bond between horse and rider. Instead of giving up, it's more beneficial to work on building trust and communication with your horse. Seek a trainer who can help you develop a step-by-step plan to address your fears while strengthening your partnership with your horse. Improve your courage by working with a Courage Coach (Pick me!!). Most of all, only sell your horse if you feel that is the right decision for you and your horse, not because someone told you to.
Myth 2: "Show that horse who is boss."
Fact: Respect and Understanding Foster Confidence
The idea that you need to dominate your horse to overcome fear is outdated and counterproductive. Horses respond better to calm, confident leadership rather than aggressive dominance. Working to understand your horse's behavior and work with it, rather than against it, will help you build mutual respect and trust. This approach not only alleviates fear but also creates a more harmonious riding experience. Work on your confidence and courage so that you show up as the leader your horse wants you to be.
Myth 3: "You are alone."
Fact: Many Riders Share Your Experience
Feeling isolated in your fear can be incredibly discouraging. However, it's important to recognize that many riders, even seasoned professionals, have experienced similar challenges. Finding a supportive community, whether through local riding clubs, online forums, or supportive trainers, can provide you with the encouragement and understanding you need. You're never alone in your journey, and sharing your experiences with others can be incredibly empowering. Join my free support group if you would like us to cheer you on! Just click here.
Riding fear is a complex issue that requires empathy, patience, and the right support, by you and those around you. By debunking these common myths and focusing on facts, we can create a more supportive environment for riders dealing with fear. Remember, overcoming fear is a process for both you and your horse. Together, you can create a positive and fulfilling riding experience together.
