I couldn't breathe, the horse was crushing me into the ground, and I just couldn't get my breathe. I thought I should be terrified with the horse flipped on me, but it was like watching someone else. The whole way to the hospital, I kept asking if I was dying. I didn't think I would make it to the hospital. The accident left very little physical damage thankfully, but the fear came in with a bang. For the next 20 years, I was trying to squelch the fear and find my fearless kid again. Our lives can change in the blink of an eye.
What I didn't know then is that while fear can change our brain wiring in the blink of an eye, we don't have to waste a bunch of time, energy, money, etc. getting our courage back. It really does make sense that if fear can come in that fast, reversing it should be quick too. The real question is, is it possible to get courage back fast and the answer is yes.
I was thinking of our mind as a giant room with really pretty filing cabinets all around. In one corner is a bright red filing cabinet with a large sign over it, DANGER. When we run into something that causes us fear, our subconscious takes it out of the pretty cabinets and puts it in red filing cabinet. Using a process known as NLP, Neuro-Linguistic-Programming, we can pull that file out of the red filing cabinet and put it back into the pretty white one where it belongs. I was still very skeptical.
I had a young lady that was terrified of spiders, so much so, it was hard for her to sleep. I guided her through the process and in about 15 minutes, she was good and said she had no more fear. We went outside and she went right up to a big spider. There was 0 fear according to her. We had pulled that "spider" folder out of the red filing cabinet and placed it back in the pretty white ones and she was so relieved. It didn't take weeks or months of therapy or mindset work, it just took working with her subconscious to pull that file and put it back where it belonged. We gave her a reset from her scary spider experience to like it never happened.
This is the first process I have seen that can get courage back FAST if someone wants their courage back.
If you would be interested in finding out more, let's have a 15-minute chat and see if it would be a good fit for your situation. Just click here to get on my schedule.
My friends were leaving on a trail ride, and I sat there watching them go, fighting my fear. Part of me wanted to go with them so bad but my fear said, NO WAY....just sit here safe. As the tears streamed down my face, and I was feeling sorry for myself, something in me shifted. I actually had time now to ride in the arena and just play with my horse. A feeling of gratitude started to fill me up.
That feeling of gratitude started me on a path to cultivating gratitude. I am not good at gratitude journals, or journals of any kind really, so I had to get more creative in feeling gratitude, especially for my fear, and it became really fun. The more I filled up with gratitude, the less room there was for fear.
Here are a few ways that you can start filling up with gratitude and pushing out the fear:
1. Gratitude Grooming. For those that have horses, put the intention to feel gratitude for all the little things while you groom. The hair, the muscles in both you and the horse, feeling the breathing of both of you. Find as many things as you can while you groom. If you don't have horses, or want a different one, take a walk and find as many things as you can to be grateful for.
2. Reverse Complaints. When you catch yourself with a complaint, reverse it into a gratitude. Here is my example from today. Complaint: I have to work next week instead of spending the time with the grandkids. Gratitude: I have an amazing job that I love, and it helps to pay for our farm where the grandkids get to have some amazing experiences. After I did this, I felt so much better!!! I will be an example of loving what I do. I am grateful I will still get to spend 6 or so hours a day with them. I am grateful I have all kinds of fun things planned. I am grateful they are coming for a visit.
3. Share You Gratitude with Others. Whether quietly or shouting from the rooftops, share your gratitude with others. It will start a gratitude ripple with more and more people feeling good.
I would love to read your gratitude practices if you would like to put them in the comments!
It was hot and humid as I was cleaning the horse shed. The horses were happily munching their food as the breeze started to swirl all around us. I saw the dreaded plastic bag bouncing around in the breeze around the horses legs. They didn't flick an ear as I stood there in shock. I realized that a lot of what we see in our horses is from us, not them.
I was sharing this with a friend and she told me about the lions and the zebras. She was a safari guide in Afirca for a bit and witneessed the most extroidinary example of energy. She was showing the herds at the watering hole, when a lioness walked right past them, through the herd, down to the water and drank. She then returned to the rest of the lions laying in the shade. Then she witnessed a lioness that must have been a little hungry and ready for dinner get up and start to walk toward the herd. The second lioness didn't make it 5 steps before the closest animals in the herd were on full alert and just a few steps later, there was a stampede, all in unison.
How can this help us?
First, we can clear our energy before we go play with our horses (or our families for that matter). Really be present with our feelings. Are we pushing out negative energies or are we calm and centered? It is so important to respect our relationship with our horses and ourselves enough to be aware of our energy. Our horses love to be with us and help us through things but it shouldn't be like that all the time. We can work on clearing our energy so we can just be with them.
Second, we can focus on where we are headed. When scary stuff comes up, I am the first to jump. I am working to focus on where I am heading and ignore all the scary stuff (unless the fear is real). I have been surprised at how this one small change has be more confident in all I am doing. I am also finding that the more I focus and build my confidence, it is like a wonderful snowball, filling me up with more and more confidence. I am also finding that the more I focus while riding, the less my horses spook at anything.
The third thing that has really been helping me is Hypnotherapy. I was a skeptic but now that it has changed so many things in my life for the better, I am loving being able to help others with this great tool. If you are interested in finding out if this would be a good fit for you, click here!
Your blog conveys a powerful and inspiring message! Here’s a revised version that enhances clarity and flow:
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There I was, in front of 60 people in an arena, with loose horses galloping around me. My task? Get one of these horses to stand still while I walked around them. It felt like pure chaos, and I couldn’t fathom how I would succeed. Sure enough, none of the horses managed to stand still.
The second assignment was to stand still myself while a horse walked around me. Doubts crept in, and I remembered Henry Ford’s quote: “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” In that moment, everything shifted. I stood perfectly still, closed my eyes, and centered myself.
Then, I noticed a frightened gray Arabian mare. She paused, drawn to my calm presence amid the chaos. Visualizing her walking around me, I simply watched as she began to move. I imagined her changing directions, coming closer or stepping back, all while maintaining my stillness. In that moment, I realized I could do anything.
Like many of you, I’ve often been my own worst enemy, doubting my abilities. Thoughts like “I can’t earn more money” or “I can’t make my spouse happy” can be overwhelming. We often fall into the trap of “I can’t.”
But when we embrace the power of “I CAN,” everything changes. That beautiful gray mare reminded me of my own potential, and I encourage you to find your “gray mare”—that symbol or experience that affirms, “YOU CAN.”
There’s another side to this story. The mare was headed for a difficult fate because no one could connect with her. She was in the final stages of training, and if it didn’t work out, she would be lost. For 30 minutes, we danced together. When the trainer finally saw her calm and confident, he recognized her worth and placed her in an amazing home. That day, she learned that “SHE CAN!” too.
So, take small steps every day toward your dreams and goals. Start believing that you can achieve anything, and you will become the person you were always meant to be.
I talk more about calm power in my latest podcast which you can listen too here: "Turn Riding Fear Around"
I had heard the phrase - "Ask a stallion, tell a gelding, negotiate with a mare!" and it really has been helping me think about ways we communicate with our horses. The key principle with this phrase for me is that we need to listen to our horses and adjust our communication for them. The phrase lumps everyone together and we can take a little from each one to become better communicators.
I was timid when I brought Binky home. She was super aggressive, and I shrunk from her. She bit me in the middle of the back and kicked my other horse, Taika, over on top of me TWICE. Not only did I not negotiate with her, but I also didn't tell her or ask her. I let her run the show. She had been through an extremely stressful life and was frantic for normalcy.
When I stepped back and really listened to her, I heard her fear. I felt her fear. I saw how desperate she was for a leader, someone to take charge and let her know she was safe. It was a wakeup call for me. I had to step into that which I feared, COURAGE, leadership, and caregiver. Caring for her emotionally as much as physically.
Because I listened to her, and really heard her, our relationship changed, and I grew in leaps and bounds. I had to step into power.
Our relationship transformed as I visualized myself as a mountain lion—not for her sake, but for my own empowerment. I set food out in the pasture and used a flag to communicate my presence, mimicking the behaviors of a protective leader. In time, Binky relaxed and became the sweetest horse. She no longer felt the need to guard herself; she allowed me to lead and keep her safe.
Remember, sometimes you must be firm—not cruel—to gain their trust and foster a deep bond.
I share more on my thoughts about this in my latest Podcast you can find on most podcast platforms or click here.
