As horse riders, we have a unique challenge with setting a timeline for our goals, there are two of us (or more if we have more than one horse). I believe it is still important to set a timeline and make adjustments as necessary.
What does the timeline look like? First of all, we need to know what steps we need to take (and I lay these out for my journey back to courage in my book if you are interested in seeing one laid out as an example: Book)
Think about the things that need work and the process to accomplish your goals. This is the easy part and really just looking at where you are at today and where you want to be and what does the journey look like between those two points. Here are some of mine:
- Get healthy
- Get horse healthy
- Develop a plan for safety and execute the plan
- Get on
- Ride to the edge of my comfort zone
- ENJOY RIDING AGAIN!
Then, the more challenging part is to put that into a timeline. I knew my health wasn't going to be overnight and I also knew I would do that in parallel to the rest so it wasn't part of the overall timeline. I started it and continues to this day as I feel better and better as I get older! Win!
Getting the horses healthy had its ups and downs. The good thing with having multiple horses is that it gives me options so I can keep working on me and my courage while a horse may need a break here and there. Really, this is true of any goals that involve others, there are times we are on our game and times we rest and rejuvenate.
Developing a plan and implementing I could do in 30 days.
GET ON was a big one. It only takes 20 minutes to prepare, tack up and actually mount. This could not be used as an excuse to not meet the goal.
From there on out, it was building my courage, a little bit at a time.
As I look back, it took me almost 6 months but I think it could have been done in 3 months maximum. That means I had 3 months of excuses and reasons from the fear that held me back.
This year, I will do it in three months! I have had challenges and let that become excuses. It really wasn't about the timeline but more about my willingness to just push through and do what needed to be done to ride.
Do you have a timeline for your goal? Do you feel comfortable with all your steps to reach your goal? I have a few openings for courage coaching if you would like help making that goal successful and maybe even in less time than you thought possible! Schedule a 30 minute call and let's see if we can get you on track for this year to be YOUR YEAR!
I was climbing down from the step stool in the rabbit area and just as I was stepping off, I panicked! My subconscious realized I would be stepping onto a snake. In the blink of an eye, my body was able to redirect my step to miss the snake. This triggered a number of thoughts for me.
1. My fear was subconscious. I didn't "think" there is a snake and jump, my body just did it and my mind caught up after the fact.
2. The fear was not in my mind. It turned out it was just a skin the snake had shed so I was not in real danger but my subconscious didn't know that.
3.. Fear doesn't take a vacation. I am not afraid of snakes, but I did jump at this to keep me safe. It happened on Thanksgiving day. My fear didn't take the day off for the holiday.
4.. Fear can take place anywhere, anytime. Fear doesn't care if you are sitting on the couch thinking about something that happened, or that it is really happening. Even now as I write about the snake I thought I saw, my heart rate and breathing rate go up. I am sitting on my couch.
Fear takes place in our subconscious first. It might be triggered by our thoughts, like me sitting on the couch writing this or it may be triggered by our senses but we don't think "I am going to be scared" and then be scared. Our subconscious takes over and keeps us safe, whether perceived, imaginary, or real fear.
This give us POWER. We get to choose to think about amazing, positive things so that at least the perceived and imaginary fear can leave us alone. We do have control of our mind and we can practice. Just like putting training wheels on a bicycle, we can practice courage and joy. We can change it around so that fear only takes place when it is actually keeping us safe. We don't want to ignore fear, but honor it, act if necessary, and move into courage and calm if we don't need to react.
Let's practice together!
1. Find a place to sit comfortably.
2.Think of the last thing that scared you that wasn't a big deal, just a little scare.
3. Observe your mind and body: Feel your breathing and your heart rate. Did they increase with the recall of the memory? Notice if how you feel changed. Did your anxiety increase?
4. Now, think about something calming for you or play some calming music.
5. Observe your mind and body as before.
6. Repeat until you can easily bring your feelings back to calm and courage. Then, you can increase the pressure from your memories or the "what if's" from the future.
7. Get really good and feeling the anxiety and fear, and calming back down.
If you would like to read my journey from fear to courage that is filled with ways to help you find your courage, grab my book now! CLICK HERE!
I was sitting there with my aunt to get our ears pierced, I was eleven years old and my aunt was too afraid to go alone so she gave me earrings for Christmas so we could go together. I am not a needle person. I didn't want pierced ears. I was terrified but I knew I had to buck up and be brave for her. And I did it! I got my ears pierced! I didn't die, I survived and it was a cherished memory.
Then disaster struck with the whole earring thing. What do you mean turn them every day? What do you mean take them out and put them back in? What do you mean change them out? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????
I know this sound ridiculous, and often times fear seems ridiculous to everyone around us, they don't get it, they don't have our fear. This process, taught me how to find courage. How to take little steps, day after day to build courage. This taught me that yes, courage is a skill, that can be learned.
It took months. My dad had to turn my earrings and put the rubbing alcohol on them. After a few weeks, I was able to turn them, if I was laying down on the bed. My dad had to take them out and put them back in. After a few weeks, I could take the backs off. A few more weeks, I could pull them out. A few more months and I could put them back in and put the back on. Now, it is second nature.
Like many of you, we have areas of our life that are held back by fear. We can choose to learn how to have courage, or to let fear hold us back. We can choose to take the little tiny baby steps that are just out of our comfort zone, one little step at a time to learn courage. We get to overcome our fears, if we choose to. Think about courage as a learned skill. If you can learn anything, you can learn courage.
If you would like some help with learning courage, get my free guide, 6 Steps to Making Better Choices.
Hindsight is 20/20 right? Looking back over my horse accidents, I would say they were all preventable. I know that isn't the case with all horse accidents but in my case, all of them were preventable. Looking back at your accidents, are there things that if you had done them different, you would have had a different outcome.
Unexpected surprise: A great example is the horse in the Disney parade that gets a balloon wrapped around his hind leg and panics. This 100% could have been prevented. The handlers were checked out, just going through the motions of leading the horse, instead of keeping their eyes open and staying focused on the horse. If they had been aware, they would have seen the balloon. Even if they had not seen it, they could have refocused the horse and gotten the balloon off the leg.
What to do: Stay aware, don't check out. I love to play "I Spy" with my horse. This keeps me engaged and makes it fun.
Comfort zone: I competed in a 4' jumper class that was beyond me. I was so excited to be riding in the big ring, until I walked the course. The fences were HUGE. I knew I was not ready. My trainer told me to do it anyway. I froze. Jumping big fences is not the time to freeze. My wonderful horse did his job with a lump sitting on him. I fell off over one of those fences.
What to do: Don't let others push your out of your comfort zone. You decide when you want to move out of your comfort zone. It is like deciding to run and you run a mile. You get excited and run a marathon that weekend. Horse riding isn't any different. I love Warwick Schillers saying to play Donkey Kong. You go a bit, and then start over and go a little bit further, repeat.
Preparation: My big accident happened because I didn't have a pre-ride checklist. I know without a doubt if I had tuned into the horse while tacking him up, I would not have gotten on. He was in pain. He was tense. He had been bit by a black widow and I had no clue.
What to do: Develop your pre-ride checklist for you and your horse! It is different for everyone, but just like a pilot, going around and checking the plane. Check yourself, check your horse, check your tack.
Really think about any accidents you have had and see if you could have prevented it. They are not all preventable but a lot of them are. That gives us confidence! We know we can prevent the things that happen.
Here is a link to my pre-ride checklists if you would like a copy!
When I saw the horse flipping over on top of me, the feeling of falling and seeing that he was going to crush me, left me mentally in much worse shape than I was physically. The fear hung out with me like a dear friend. Like many of you, we have things happen that we cannot control, and the fear remains, long after the danger has passed.
Honor your fear or it will explode to get your attention.
This can be so hard to learn. We are taught to push down our fear, just buck up and do it, get on with it, and we end up feeling so alone in our fear. That feeling that nobody else understands. The hardest part is realizing that we can't just push that fear down. We can honor that fear, the precious fear that is just trying to keep us safe. It means well. It is doing its job. It doesn't know that we are no longer in danger and can make different decisions.
You might be wondering how. Here are my three tips for honoring your fear and returning to joy:
1. Really say thank you to your fear. Feel that it has helped you to stay safe. Take some time with this and let your feelings flow. If you enjoy journaling, put it down on paper. If you are like me and writing isn't your thing, close your eyes and just really breath into the fear, feel gratitude, feel yourself saying thank you.
2. When you start to feel the fear come up, practice amazing "What If's". There isn't anything that says we have to stay in negative what if's. We can pick and choose new ones, ones that fill us up with passion, desire, and joy!
3. Use tools. Whether it be checklists, breathing techniques, calming oils, CBD, preparation, music, or something else. Find out what works for you. Tools have such a bad stigma but really they can help us keep fear at bay and really let it know that we have this, we are good, and not in danger.
If you would like a little help on your "What if's", here is a short video on my thoughts and a little challenge! Click here.
