That day, I just couldn't get on and join the trail ride with my friends. They were all yelling at me, "Just get on! Come with us! Nothing is going to happen." But the fear held me back. I sat there in tears as they rode out together, watching them go while my horse stood next to me, all tacked up and ready.
I did eventually ride in the arena, tears streaming down my face. In that moment, it was just me, my wonderful horse, and my overwhelming fear. Despite being there with my trusted companion, I felt utterly alone.
Like many of you, horse riders are often seen as strong and resilient. We don't want others to see our vulnerabilities, especially when it comes to fear. Our trainers and friends might not truly understand what we're going through.
Here are a few tips:
Recognize your fear and honor it. It is there to keep you safe. You don't have to give in to it but by recognizing it and thanking it, it loses some of its power.
Acknowledge that you are strong, and you also have a wide range of emotions to be felt and expressed. Not everyone is going to understand your emotions and being able to communicate them is important and it is also important to listen to your friends and trainers and take in what they are saying. Acknowledge that they mean well and see things from a different perspective. See if there are nuggets you can use from what they are saying.
Practice self-compassion. To me, this means loving ourselves even though we have fear. It is natural. It attempts to keep us safe in the best way possible. We can slowly breakdown our fear and adjust it, bit by bit, so that we can rebuild our courage from our compassion.
Most importantly, know that you are not alone.
You can listen to my thought on this in my latest podcast you can listen to here! Turn Riding Fear Around.
My horses are all three of them 16'2 hands. Not intentionally, just how it worked out. I am 5'3. Standing next to them holding the saddle ready to toss it up there felt like I was trying to saddle the Empire State Building. I realized that I was feeling older, stiffer, and a lot less energy. What I thought nothing of 15 years ago, seemed like climbing Mt. Everest now. I started asking why I was feeling this way and also asking was it affecting what I enjoyed in life. Like many of you, we start making adjustments, not doing this or that, not wanting to "rock the boat" with our body.
I started to think about the ways pain was affecting my riding fear specifically. Here are three ways it affected me and what I did about it.
The first was grooming, trimming feet, tacking up, cleaning tack, all the strength things that go along with getting ready to ride. I started making excuses not to do as much or not as much at one time. This happened over time, so it wasn't noticeable until the day I stood there looking up at the horse. This led me to the conclusion I needed more strength. Surprisingly, this was not as hard as I thought. I talked to some body builder friends of mine, and I added in more protein. I stopped eating a lot of carbs like pasta and started eating egg salads and such.
The second way this showed up was in excuses not to ride. Instead of looking for a way to ride, I was looking for ways not to ride. When I peeled this onion, it was because being stiff made it harder to get on, harder to react to my horse and the worst part was harder to get off, especially in an emergency. I started doing a lot more movement and the big thing was getting rid of inflammation. I was surprised how much this improved my flexibility! It is really easy. I joined a great coaching program. (More details here for the one I joined).
My conclusion was that pain robs our joy. The good news is that we can do things to feel better and get our joy back!
I also shared my thoughts about this in my latest podcast: Episode 35: Painful Joints Can Increase Fear
There I was, 5 years old and all set up in the living room to play Monopoly with my aunts. When they arrived, I immediately waved them over to join me in the game! I was so excited. They looked at me and said, no way, we can't sit on the floor and play a board game, we will never get back up! To the 5-year-old me, it was devastating. In that moment, I vowed that I would never get to the point that I could not sit on the floor for a game of Monopoly with the kids!
Fast forward 50 years and there I was, groaning as I tried to put on my socks. MY SOCKS! WHAT?????? I was my aunts!!!!! It didn't happen in a bang, it sneaked in through the back door of not taking care of myself. Like many of you, that have just let a few pounds sneak up on you, or a few aches in the joints, or a little bit of brain fog that has crept in and we didn't notice.
I believe we were created to be healthy and enjoy life as we get a few more years on us. There is so much against us though. Marketing and advertising selling us junk food. Grocery stores that are filled with aisles of preservatives, sugar and dyes. The world is stacked against us. I fixed my issues and now I feel great! My wedding ring fits again. My Sudoku times went from 7 minutes to 4 minutes. I have not walked into a room and thought "what did I come in here for?" in 2 years! My joints feel great and I can sit on the floor and play a board game. There are solutions that help us get healthy. I feel better than I did when I was 20 and I know I am stronger!
I talk about my journey a little bit more in my latest podcast, Episode
34: Socks Linked to Fear? if you would like to hear a little more about my journey back to health.
I was in the middle of a figure eight when I stopped, right there where the two circles join. The feelings of anxiety, work, chores, overwhelm all piled up on me at once. When I got on my horse, I had 10 things all lined up to work on. Backing, moving the shoulders right and left, moving the haunches right and left, etc. Just writing this, I can feel my stress rising and those feelings of overwhelm creeping in. Like many of you, we focus on all the "DOING" that we think needs to be completed to move on to the next steps.
As I stopped, right there in the middle of the figure eight, I felt the "PAUSE". I felt it through me, through my horse, all the tension drained away into the ground. We both took some deep breaths together and just leaned into each other, feeling our feelings. I know this sounds a little nuts, but it was very powerful. The power in this pause lasted for a few minutes. There was no rush to carry on with the figure eight. There was no rush to continue with all the things on my list. There was just the two of us, in that moment, enjoying being together.
How long has it been since you really took a pause? A pause in your daily life? A pause with your horse? A pause with your family?
I encourage you to take some time and set down the RUSH, set down the "TO DO LIST", set down all the electronics, and just lean into the PAUSE. Feel the power.
I challenge you the next time you ride your horse, build in the pauses to just enjoy each other, in those moments of pause. Feel how you are feeling. Feel how your horse is feeling and fill both of you up with a few moments of "BEING" together.
I talk a little more about this in my latest "Turn Riding Fear Around" Podcast, Episode
33: The Power of Standing Still for our MIND.
For most of us, safety while riding gives us piece of mind. Helmet and vest are so important for me, but there is so much more. Recently, I really sat down and took stock of my gear and equipment and how it fit (or didn't fit) into my courage.
As I looked through things, I came down to three categories.
The first one is gear that keeps me safe. This is my “A” list. Helmet and vest are the obvious two but are their others? I evaluated if a piece of gear can actually help to keep me from getting hurt. Here are a few I found that fit into this category:
A. Grab strap/saddle horn/ something to grab onto that is not the horse's mouth. In an emergency, this can give you a few more seconds to dismount safely if needed.
B. Rhythm bells, cattle bells, and things that just have an amazing sound while riding. They can help keep wildlife aware of your presence, so you and your horse are not startled.
The second one is gear that seems to keep us safe but maybe not actually safe.
A. GPS trackers and software that tracks us as we ride. These help after something happens but doesn't prevent something from happening. Same with some way to ride with your cell phone on you and not on your horse.
B. An emergency whistle. It may save your life after an incident but probably isn't going to save you from a fall.
The third group is gear that has no safety use at all. This is the FUN Group of stuff.
A. Color coordinated outfits for you and your horse.
B. Great grippy reins that you can hang onto easily.
Have fun with this!!! Go through your tack and riding gear and really think about what categories it falls into. Once you have the list, sit and focus on your “A” list and really think about how it makes you feel. Do you need to up your gear, new and improved or are you feeling really good with your safety gear.
I recently talked about this episode 31 of my podcast, Turn Riding Fear Around.
