Transforming Fear Into Confidence: A Lesson from the Gauntlet
Sitting in a circle, I knew that three of us would be chosen to "run the gauntlet," a challenge involving two ex-Navy SEALs and a SEAL trainer who had been relentless with me all day. I was terrified of him. I’m small, and he was huge. It felt a lot like being with a horse that intimidates you.
When my turn came, I had to cross the room, passing all three men, who each controlled a third of the space. The first girl couldn’t make it past the first guy. She was bruised and humiliated. Watching this angered me deeply. Seeing her treated that way fired me up, and suddenly, fear wasn’t in charge anymore. I was angry—and that anger gave me confidence.
I crossed the gauntlet. The first two weren’t too difficult, but the trainer grabbed me. In a flash, I kicked behind his knees, bringing him down (he later needed stitches!). I finished.
This experience taught me a powerful lesson: anger, especially when directed at your fear, can fuel confidence. Confidence builds on itself, creating momentum for overcoming challenges.
As my mom would say, "Get up your gumption!" We all have it in us to conquer fear. This tool can be part of your toolbox for overcoming fear, whether you’re riding or facing any challenge.
3 Tips for Turning Fear into Anger:
1. Feel the Anger, But Don’t Act Out:
This is key. The anger you feel is energy, not something to direct at others. Think of it as a shield, giving you the courage to face your fear and take control of situations—like getting back on your horse.
2. Transform Your Fear:
Write down three things that make you anxious. Sit with those feelings, then turn them into anger. Ask yourself, "What would I do differently if I weren’t afraid?" Channel that anger towards the fear itself. (Be sure you're focusing on perceived fear, not legitimate dangers.)
3. Practice, Practice, Practice:
Start small. When you feel anxiety, flip it into anger. Find something about the situation to feel angry about. As you practice this, try it when approaching your horse or getting ready to trot or canter. Watch how your confidence shifts.
When you combine this anger with knowledge, you’ll be prepared for anything. Use my free guide, The Ultimate Riding Contingency Guide, to learn techniques for managing fear when riding—whether dealing with a rear, buck, bolt, or spook. It’s packed with insights from 50 years of experience to help you stay safe and in control.
When Binky first arrived at the farm, she was terrifying! She bit me in the middle of the back when I didn’t even know she was there, and kicked my other horse over on top of me—not once, but TWICE. I became a timid, terrified ball of nerves around my own horse.
I even slid their food under the pasture fence because I was too scared to go in the pasture. We were about to go on vacation, and I realized I couldn’t have someone else take care of her until I worked on fixing myself first. Yes, fix me to fix her.
I made a decision to tackle my anxiety head-on. But how? I realized that Binky had become the leader, and the only way I could fix the situation was for me to step up and become the leader. I turned my fear into a mental shift: I became Binky—in my head. I knew that if I truly believed I was the leader, I could keep myself safe and reset her emotions to a calm state, while showing her I was in charge.
I used a flag on a dressage whip as my "ears and tail" and walked into the pasture with food, waving the flag like a lunatic.
It worked. Binky was shocked, ran off, and I spent the next few weeks working with her. She transformed into the sweetest mare, still in charge of the other horses, but now relaxed and content to let me lead.
Take a moment to assess your leadership with your horse. What areas do you feel timid or unsure? Start shifting that fear and anxiety into confidence. Horses don’t want to be the leader—they want to relax and have someone they trust take charge. But we have to earn it. We need to show them we can keep them safe and provide for them.
If you would like a little help developing a plan to improve your leadership and reduce your anxiety, set up a free call to see if I can help you out! Just click here for a 15-minute chat.
We often think of ourselves as being able to hide our true feelings, our fear and anxiety, but when it comes to our horses, the truth is harder to conceal. Horses are highly intuitive animals. They can read our body language, pick up on subtle changes in our energy, and sense our emotional state in ways we may not even recognize.
Much like we might lie to ourselves—telling ourselves we're fine when we're stressed, or that we're confident when we're feeling anxious—our horses can sense when something is off. They don't hear our words in the way humans do, but they feel our energy. If we're anxious, that anxiety can manifest in our body language, posture, and even how we hold the reins. Horses, in their quiet wisdom, pick up on those cues. Next time you are feeling anxious, try this little experiment and see how your horse reacts: Sit up (or stand up) a little taller. Let that fill you up with a bit more confidence and watch the reaction of your horses.
We often lie to ourselves about our confidence, our abilities, or our readiness for a challenge. But our horses know the truth. They can feel when we’re not truly present with them, when our minds are elsewhere, or when we’re second-guessing ourselves. This is why they sometimes hesitate, act out, or become confused during a ride. It's not that they don't trust us—it's that they’re responding to the energy we’re giving off.
When we’re honest with ourselves and our horses, the connection becomes stronger. Being real with ourselves about where we are emotionally and mentally translates into a clearer, more trusting relationship with our horses. They know when we’re lying, but the beauty of it is, they’re always there, ready to help us find our truth and move forward—together.
Ready to reset your anxiety and help your horse find peace? When you are ready for deeper transformation that can shorten the time to confidence, let’s chat about hypnotherapy to reduce anxiety and bring a sense of calm back to your partnership with your horse. Click here to schedule a free call and see if this would be a good fit for you!
One of my favorite childhood memories is playing tag while swimming on our horses in the hot summer of the San Fernando Valley. The heat was intense, but the thrill of riding into the water until our horses couldn’t touch was pure joy. The rules were simple: whoever let their horse touch the ground would be “out” and have to sit in the sun while the rest of us played on. It wasn’t just the game that made those days so memorable, but how our time with our horses made us feel—free from stress and worries.
Looking back, I realize how much riding helped us release the pressures of daily life. The more we rode, the less the world around us affected our sense of peace. Whether we were competing or enjoying a quiet trail ride, being with our horses was an instant stress reliever. It taught me that sometimes, the best way to reset emotionally is to step away from life’s demands and reconnect with something that brings us joy.
The Science Behind Stress Relief
Research shows that spending time with horses can reduce stress and anxiety. The act of riding encourages the release of endorphins—those "feel-good" hormones that promote relaxation. Additionally, interacting with horses has been found to lower levels of cortisol, the hormone related to stress. Simply being around horses helps us regulate our emotions and stay present.
The Healing Power of Horses: How Their Energy Calms Us
Horses don’t just help us unwind; they actively guide us to calm. One of the most fascinating aspects of spending time with horses is how attuned we become to their rhythms. Horses have a slower heartbeat (40-60 beats per minute) compared to our faster pulse. When we’re near them, our heartbeat naturally syncs with theirs, a process known as "entrainment." This helps lower anxiety and promote calm.
Similarly, a horse’s rhythmic breathing encourages us to adopt a more relaxed, steady breathing pattern, which also reduces stress. Horses are also highly intuitive creatures. They can sense our emotions and energy, responding to our body language and even our thoughts. This creates a profound connection, where simply being in the presence of a calm, grounded horse helps us feel more centered ourselves.
By engaging with our horses, we tap into their natural ability to balance and soothe, making riding not just an activity, but a full-body, soul-soothing experience.
Let Horses Help You Find Your Peace
If you’re looking for extra support to enjoy riding again, my Courage Coaching Program is here for you. Together, we’ll work on strategies to strengthen your mindset, embrace challenges, and turn setbacks into steppingstones. Whether you want to improve your riding performance or build confidence in everyday life, I’m here to help.
Click HERE to learn more and join the program. Let’s tackle this journey through stress together!
When I was 8, I would get up at 2 or 3 am in the morning while it was still pitch black out. I would put the bareback pad and bridle on my pony and we would head up into the mountains. I would pause and watch the amazing sunrise from a mountain peak and just bask in how good the first sun rays feel. Then I would turn for home and race home to get cleaned up and off to school. I go back to this memory a lot. After my accident, I lost the confidence of this little girl and I had to get it back. Whether you have had an accident, or just anxiety and fear creeping in with age, we don't have to stay there. We can turn back the hands of time and become that fearless kid again.
Here are my first three tips for confidence when back in the saddle:
1. Practice, Practice, Practice. The more we repeat something, the more the anxiety and fear fade. The first time will be the hardest as long as we focus on the success of doing the first time. Just keep doing the little, small steps, over and over until they seem as easy as brushing your teeth. Muscle memory helps with the mind too!
2. Work on the little things. Pick 5 or 6 things to play with for each ride. Circle, figure eight, backing, move shoulders, move haunches, walk/halt/walk transitions, whatever it is for you, pick the easiest things first until they are really good.
3. Practice Balance. When standing on the ground, you are solid. Practice putting weight in your stirrups. Move one slightly ahead of the other. Please with your weight in the stirrups and just see how it feels. What if you have almost no weight in the stirrups. What if you put all your weight in and stand in two point. Play with it and develop the balance the works for you. Think about a child on someone's shoulders. If they lean they and the person carrying them are off balance. You are the child on the horse as far as balance goes. Really take some time and play with your balance and weight in your stirrups. Alicia Dickenson says 80% of the weight in the stirrups at all times. I can say that this is when I feel most balanced too. I feel like I can ride anything that might happen.
Beat Your Anxiety!
If you’re looking for extra support to face your riding anxiety head-on, my Courage Coaching Program is here for you. We’ll work on strategies to strengthen your mindset, embrace challenges, and turn setbacks into steppingstones. Whether you want to improve your riding performance or just build more confidence in everyday life, I’m here to help.
Click HERE to learn more and join the program. Let’s tackle this journey together!
