What if we turn it around from how do I stop obsessing over what if, to how do I obsess over amazing what if's? There are a lot of times we worry and stress about what might happen, what could happen in a bad way, the worst-case scenario. Nobody says we have to stay in the negative mind yuck.
Let's change our what ifs around to the best possible outcomes. The amazing things that we want. Fill ourselves up with what ifs that support our dreams and become our reality. This was more powerful that I could have imagined. I first wrote down the main yucky what ifs that were stuck in my head when I would think about riding. I looked at them from the root. For me, it was not being in control. Surprise, that shows up in other areas of my life too! How could I change it around to what ifs that let me be in control?
I just dove in. What if my ride is relaxing and we enjoy every minute? What if I feel the rhythm of my horses' feet and we are in sync for the entire ride? What if we get to see amazing things, feel the sun on our backs and the breeze on our cheeks. The more I wrote down the what if's the filled me with joy, the more I felt good. The less room there was for anxiety and fear. I wrote down 10, powerful what if's and practiced them 5 times a day for 7 days. WOW. I could hardly remember the original what if's that had caused so much stress. They had faded. The more I fill up with great, amazing what if's, the more the yuck fades. The best part, my horses seem to feel the shift in me, they are more attentive and in tune. They want to be with me instead of running from me.
If you would like to see a short mini-course I did on creating better what if's, just click here!
Well, we really don't want fear to go away. We want to make sure we are using it wisely! Here are a few things to do in 2023 to help your fear help you, instead of controlling you. Get your life back to joy.
First of all, we need our fear to keep us safe, if it is real fear that is. It is our minds tool to pay attention, look around us, and make sure we are safe. It is our opportunity to be in the moment and do what needs to be done. This fear, real fear, we will practice recognizing in 2023. Keep a journal and write down when you have real fear. Example would be riding along and having a snake show up in your path. You have to take immediate action. Practice noticing this real fear and keep track. It will be a lot less than you "IMAGINE" it to be.
Secondly, imaginary fear. We need to turn this around to feelings of joy and happiness! It is our mind thinking that we are in danger, and probably playing a story, over and over, in our head, of danger! Also in your journal, write these down. Recognize them. You will see repeats. Example would be you are thinking of going for a ride, you start to have your palms get sweaty and you stop. You think about what is causing it and it might be that your horse might rear. That is my go-to. It is really a fear of falling off and getting hurt. My mind and body go into panic mode. Write these down in your journal!
As you see patterns, rewrite them. For my example, I would write My horse and I had a lovely ride. It was warm and rhythmical. I could feel the relaxation in myself and in my horse. Really spend some time feeling the feelings. It won't take long and when your mind starts to go to the imaginary fear, your brain will say, oh, I know what to do, let's go to that good feeling place we have created!
Now, for my really exciting 2023 news, I am opening up some coaching spots for a few people that would like help, overcoming their fear and turning it into joy. Reply to this email that you want COACHING AND JOY, and we can have a chat and see if it is a good fit for you and get you on the waiting list!
That feeling of stress, the sweaty palms, the fast breathing, it comes from going back into the past in our minds, feeling the things that happened. Those feelings bring more thoughts, like magnets, and the spiral heads right down into anxiety and panic attacks. Have you ever asked yourself why you keep replaying memories in your head?
For me, there are three reasons I keep that memory wheel running in my head, and what I do to fix each one.
1. I am not being mindful of the present moment. This is a big one for me. I love just being, right here, right now. It takes practice. When I realize I am back replaying the memory movie, I can snap myself back into the present moment. It is a lot easier if you practice this when not being in that swamp of nasty memories. (Click here for my free 7 days to Mindfulness guide)
2. There is a trigger to the memory. This one happens when I see a horse rear or start to rear. It puts me right back in that moment of fear. This is a great one to fix, when you are sitting on the couch and all nice and relaxed. Reset the trigger. Google search horseback riding and look at images of great rides. Feel how good that feels and really set that feeling. I use an anchor too. I take a really good smelling essential oil, my favorites for this are Stress Away or Joy, and smell them while I am feeling how an amazing ride would feel. It can also be closing your eyes and remember amazing rides you have had. They key is to really put yourself in that moment and anchor it. Then think about the trigger, a horse rearing in my example, and see it getting smaller and smaller. See that trigger just disappearing. Go right back to the feeling of the amazing ride, smell the essential oils, feel that amazing feeling. Repeat this 5 - 10 times. You will notice your trigger isn't so much a trigger anymore.
3. I play the "What if" game. What if my horse lifts its head. What if my horse starts to rear. What if, what if, what if. This is another one that is fun to do while relaxing on your couch, at least at first. Pick better "what if's"! What if you have the best ride ever? What if it is a beautiful day and you just feel the rhythm with your horses footfall. What if you and your horse have an amazing adventure. See how many you can come up with. Write them down. Keep adding to the list. Read the list, over and over. Practice your what ifs. As you go to the barn, practice your what ifs!
Palms start to sweat. The feeling of the world closing in on you. Breathing becomes shallow and it seems so hard to breath. The heat rises to the top of the head and the feelings of being trapped overwhelm. That feeling comes from not being in control. It makes you mind for get to think and your entire focus is in a very small, tiny world right around you, trying to survive. There are so many feelings that go along with anxiety but the biggest one for me, is the feeling of "NOT" being in control.
This started when I was little. The dentist seemed like a GIANT Boogeyman. Having stitches and all the blood after being kicked in the head by my pony after I fell off. Motorcycles anywhere near after having one hit us head on. There were so many triggers for my anxiety, and they were all around not being in control.
After my horse accident in 2000, I knew I had to find a way out of the anxiety and there were several pieces that worked for me. First of all, I had to know I had done everything to be safe. Some was easy, dentist isn't going to kill me. Flying wasn't so easy, that is all out of my control. Even being a passenger in a car was challenging and led to me searching for something that would work. The mental focus on the "What If's" that served me, made me feel better, helped a LOT. We get to choose what our "what ifs" look like so choose wisely.
Secondly, I found Stress Away and Thieves Essential oils. I used a process I learned call "anchoring" to anchor Stress Away to calm on a bracelet on my right wrist, and Thieves for Courage on my left wrist. This allowed me to be in control of my calm and my courage. (To learn more about anchoring, I would be happy to help you, you can schedule 30 minutes with me here!)
The last thing that was the final piece of the puzzle is CBD under the tongue. Just one drop allowed my release of my anxiety. So much so, that the last time I went to the dentist, I fell asleep HUGE WIN. I can have a horse act up and I don't shake! It was just the final piece in that giant jigsaw puzzle of getting over anxiety and loving life again!
If you are ready to kick anxiety to the curb, you can check out the products on my wishlist! Click Here.
How many New Year's resolutions have you not completed or accomplished? Honestly, who came up with resolutions anyway? I remember the stress level that I felt for the first few months of the year when I was striving to get off on a good foot accomplishing my resolutions for the year.
Thirty years ago, I decided that I didn't want the stress of trying to meet this random thing I felt like I should be doing to fit in. I changed it up and decided that I wanted to "feel" better, each and every day for the year, but how? For me, I came up with the idea of 400 laughs a day. It is too big a number to track and yet, it is big enough to really strive for things to laugh at, all day long.
Here are the benefits I am finding from making this change:
1. I feel better. I am healthier. Laughter really does change your physiology and lightens your burden.
2. Stress reduction - I got rid of the stress of trying to do something that wasn't for me. I think most of that stress was "fitting in" but some of it was actually finding the time and doing whatever thing I thought I should be doing.
3. Choice - The more I laugh, the more people around me laugh, the more the world just seems to be a better place. Laughing is a choice and it is a much better choice for me than anger.
4. Anxiety reduction - this was very powerful for me. One of the things I laugh at the most was my encounter with the dentist. I am petrified of the dentist. I was sitting in the chair, getting a crown, and when they finished and handed me the mirror, I couldn't move my arm. Immediately, I started to get hot, I could feel me stress level going up. Did the dentist paralyze me? What was going on? The dentist started to get concerned and then realized, he had glued my arm to my leg. It was in that moment that I couldn't help laughing hysterically. It felt great and, in that moment, it significantly reduced my anxiety for the dentist. Laughter really does reduce or get rid of anxiety!
If you have ever wondered how to get a little more laughter into your life, I wrote a book that has some of my favorites! If you are interested, click here for more information.
