This applies to so many things in life! What if I lose my job, my money, my health, etc.? There are so many things in life that can pull us into the "What if" bucket. Horses and people that have had an accident with a horse, seem to send the what if imagination into overdrive. How do we turn that around?
Here are my thoughts.
1. It takes observation! When we notice we have a negative what if thought, about anything, switch it to something positive. Example: What if I fall off my horse? STOP! Change it to What if I have an amazing, relaxing ride! What if's haven't happened yet, so why not pick things that make us feel good instead of picking stuff that makes us feel bad?
2. We can practice. Sit on your couch, or better yet, lay down in the yard watching the clouds go by, doesn't matter but get comfortable. Bring up your BIG what if. Think about it. Notice how you emotionally feel. Notice how you physically feel. Then create an amazing what if. Put a lot of detail into it. Put all your senses into it. Example: What if we have a lovely ride. We are in sync, and I can feel the rhythm of my horse's feet. We feel like we are dancing together, as one. We soak up the sunshine and can feel the light breeze on our cheeks. After you do this, really feel the difference. Physically and emotionally.
3. Look at the root of your what if's. Was it a memory, is it imagination? What is the base to your what if. Once you have that, make a choice to change it. For me, my root was an accident. I focused on changing the memory of my accident, into a vivid cartoon. Now, when I think what if my horse flips, I laugh. I see Wile-E-Coyote and the Road Runner.
Most importantly, live your life with joy. If you enjoy riding, or used to, find a way to get back into the saddle and enjoy!
If you would like to see the process I went through, here is a link to my book about my journey back to courage and getting over my "What if's"! Get the book now!
It was a warm day, riding along, enjoying our horses, when all of a sudden, a hot air balloon comes up over the horizon. It is about 50 feet from us and is loud. I had no idea how loud a balloon can be when they are heating the air. I jumped at the sight of the balloon! My horse and I panicked and ran the other direction. This was a case where my fear definitely contributed to the horse's fear! It took both of us a while to calm our heart rate and for me to stop shaking.
Let's look at this from hindsight and what I know now.
After attending a police clinic training, I don't think I would have panicked. My horse still might have, but I don't think I would have. The first thing they talked about, was focusing on where you are going, about a hundred feet ahead of you and ride to that spot. At about the 50 foot mark, adjust your focus out to 100 feet again and repeat. I think by focusing on where you are heading, your horse has confidence in you as a leader that you know where you are going. I have started playing "I spy" with my horses and it is really fun and helps me focus.
I believe that if I had been focusing that day, and not just dilly dallying around, we would not have spooked. So, if my fear contributes to a horses fear, I am going to also say, that my confidence builds confidence in the horse and the horse's confidence in me as leader. For horses, the leader is who keeps them from dying, keeps them safe. It is that way for us too, but we may not recognize it.
Does Rider Confidence help Horse Confidence? I would say yes, it really does help.
If you have enjoyed this and would like a few tips on how I built my confidence, check out my 3 Ways to Build Courage with Your Horse!
That feeling of just keeping our head above water, like we are going to sink at any moment, can be worse for those of us with horses. They are an expensive passion. The fear of vet bills to care for our furry friends. The anxiety of maybe having our job go away. All of this stress and anxiety can affect our horses.
We may not realize it, but when we go see our horses, if we take that financial anxiety with us, they can feel it. They don't understand it. They understand that it is anxiety and we are stressed and their life depends on recognizing stress. I think anxiety could be one of the reasons horses shut down, to protect themselves from all the anxiety that is overwhelming to them. The opposite ones are the ones that get really spooky, looking for what the heck we are afraid of. Where is it? They don't see it.
So, how do I deal with anxiety over finances?
First and foremost, I know in my heart that God will provide. I have always believed this. It is how I got my first pony when I was five, that my family didn't have the money for. I believed God would provide a pony and I had a pony. During times of trouble, where I didn't have the money to make it to the end of the month, I trusted. A random check would show up in the mail that perfectly covered the rest of the months bills, or I would get a job offer that was just perfect.
The second thing was implementing a system for my finances. I tried a bunch of programs but the one that worked for me was T. Harv Eker. His system worked amazing, and I was able to build a cushion and pay off all my bad debt. Yes, there is good debt. It is debt that earns you money.
The third thing was talking to others, especially horse people that were making it happen and had the life I wanted. How did they do it? Having honest conversations with others that were where I wanted to be really helped.
When I go see my horses, I leave the anxieties I have behind. I don't carry them with me to the horses. It isn't fair to them.
My free guide, The Ghosts of Anxiety - Past, Present, and Future, might help a little more if this resonated with you.
Mounting your horse, with the thought of "throwing" your leg over, sends you into fits of pain just thinking about it. It really could be any stiffness or pain. Think about it from your horses perspective. Horses rely on healthy, strong, horses to be their leaders. The ones that are weaker or not up to the job, get pushed to the bottom. It is the survival of a prey animal, to make sure the weak are not amongst them.
So, do you need to be fit to horse ride? No, but it helps tremendously with the trust of your horse. Also, if you are stiff and/or sore, you are not going to react to situations as fast as possible to keep yourself safe. This can compound anxiety and fear. Also, I know for me, when I am stiff, I tend to slouch and ball up. I don't have the tall, looking to where I want to ride, poise, not sure what you call it, but I don't have it when I am stiff.
Think about the amazing riders, you see dancing with their horses in the dressage ring, or the jockeys, riding the horses flying down the track. The jumper riders and cutting horse riders that have to be nimble and have reflexes that rival the best in the world. Those riders are not going to perform to their best and their horses will also be challenged if the riders aren't fit.
In a related way, fitness also gives us the energy to ride and care for our horses. It takes strength to groom, tack up and ride. It takes strength to dance with your horse as you ride and not just be a passenger. Fitness is so key in my opinion to the relationship with your horse in all of these ways.
If you would like some ideas on getting fit, get my free guide - 5 ways to feel like a kid again! Click Here!
This is a GREAT question. Think about it, do we ask, how do you drive a car safely? Or, how do we walk down stairs safely? Or, how do we walk through the shopping mall safely? All of these things can be dangerous but we don't ask all the time about their safety. I think because riding a horse, is an agreement and a partnership between two beings, it is a little more daunting but really, driving a car is an agreement with all the other drivers if you think about it.
So, there are things we can do to improve our safety riding. First of all, mentally, we need to be ready to ride. Think about going to the shopping mall with your friend, and the entire time, she is worried about being robbed, that person doesn't look nice, what if that person has a gun, etc. You would be a stressed mess and not enjoy it. We do this to our horses when we are not mentally in a good spot to ride. There are so many exercises we can do to get our mind right, before getting on our horses (and I love using CBD under my tongue to also help just take the edge off, to see the one I use, just click here),
We need to make sure our horses are ready to enjoy a nice ride. I have created some pre-ride checklists, like a pilot checking out a plane for flight, to make sure our horses are ready and look for signs that we may need to make a different decision. If we can have bad days, our horses can too! I also love to put a big pile of hay in front of my horses while I groom and tack up. A full stomach keeps their stomach acid from sloshing while riding so they want to be ridden the next time. If it always hurts when you are ridden, you wouldn't want to do it again.
When we go to get on our horse, are they standing quietly, waiting for us to get on? This is a big one! If they are not super quiet and relaxed, I don't get on, ever. We work through what is causing their worry and stress. It may mean I don't ride that day. I think the best thing we can do for our horses, is to always give them a choice. A partnership is about agreement of both parties and our horse deserves that respect from us.
If you enjoyed this, I did do a short video talking about it too!
