Mares, Geldings, and Stallions OH MY!
I had heard the phrase - "Ask a stallion, tell a gelding, negotiate with a mare!" and it really has been helping me think about ways we communicate with our horses.  The key principle with this phrase for me is that we need to listen to our horses and adjust our communication for them.  The phrase lumps everyone together and we can take a little from each one to become better communicators.

I was timid when I brought Binky home.  She was super aggressive, and I shrunk from her.  She bit me in the middle of the back and kicked my other horse, Taika, over on top of me TWICE.  Not only did I not negotiate with her, but I also didn't tell her or ask her.  I let her run the show.  She had been through an extremely stressful life and was frantic for normalcy. 

When I stepped back and really listened to her, I heard her fear.  I felt her fear.  I saw how desperate she was for a leader, someone to take charge and let her know she was safe.  It was a wakeup call for me.  I had to step into that which I feared, COURAGE, leadership, and caregiver.  Caring for her emotionally as much as physically.

Because I listened to her, and really heard her, our relationship changed, and I grew in leaps and bounds.  I had to step into power.  

Our relationship transformed as I visualized myself as a mountain lion—not for her sake, but for my own empowerment. I set food out in the pasture and used a flag to communicate my presence, mimicking the behaviors of a protective leader. In time, Binky relaxed and became the sweetest horse. She no longer felt the need to guard herself; she allowed me to lead and keep her safe.

Remember, sometimes you must be firm—not cruel—to gain their trust and foster a deep bond.

I share more on my thoughts about this in my latest Podcast you can find on most podcast platforms or click here.

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Hey there! I’m Elise Hittinger—Fear Slayer, Confidence Creator, and your go-to Courage Coach.

 
Once upon a time, I was that fearless kid riding deep into Angeles National Forest without a second thought. Then bam—life threw me a plot twist. A horse flipped on me, pinning me beneath it, and fear crept in like an uninvited guest who wouldn’t leave.

That moment tested everything. But here’s the wild part—I walked away with only bruises and a divine reminder that I wasn’t done yet. Fear may have stolen my joy for a while, but it did not get the final say.

Fast forward to a move to Kentucky, where the trails were calling my name. I had two choices: let fear keep the reins or take them back. Spoiler alert—I took them back. Now, I help other riders (and, honestly, anyone sick of fear running their life) do the same.

I make fear pack its little bags and GTFO. Whether it’s through hypnotherapy, NLP, or a little well-placed humor, I help people trade anxiety for confidence, doubt for courage, and overthinking for action.

So, if you’re ready to kick fear to the curb and rediscover the joy you deserve—I’m here for it. Let’s do this.

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