I have received a couple of questions on buddy sour. I have a couple of things that have worked really good for buddy sour.
1. Feeding with the flag - from Carson James. This one took me a few months but I was dealing with a VERY aggressive mare that had bit me in the back, kicked another horse over on me, twice, so this was first and foremost in changing her attitude. I took the buckets of feed in to the pasture, gave my quiet mare, Taika, her food and set the aggressive mare, Binky's, food about 5 feet away. Mostly because I had a hard enough time getting Taika to eat so I didn't want to disturb her. I made Binky stand 50 feet off until she lowered her head and walked in respectfully. If she even twitched an ear, she went back to 50 feet with me looking like a mountain lion, mostly for my safety, I could not be wishy washy. I had to get my timing right and it took a few months but they now all go to their buckets and stand there waiting patiently. If an ear flicks back, they MOVE off their feed, every single time. What I didn't expect was how much it helped the buddy sour! It was huge.
2. I put them in the small arena together and I just sit in the middle and hang out. If they stay on opposite sides of the arena, not exactly but in general, I leave them alone. They can come up to me but not in my bubble, about 3 to 5 feet away from me. If they get onto the same side of the arena, I make them work, or at least I make the horse that approached the other one work. I do this until I see them start to move toward each other and then turn away all on their own. Then I know they got the lesson. I only did this twice and never even needed to do it when I added the third horse. I can take anyone out at any time and there is no issue.
3. I take the one out that is the worst, and start walking away, if they want to go back to their buddy, we go back and I make them move their haunches politely and softly but make them move, then move the shoulders, and just work on supple for 5 minutes or so and then I walk off like nothing different and if they want to go back, we repeat. The combination of these has been amazing for my three mares! Keep me posted. There are a few other things too but these are my favorites.
Overcoming my fear had to start with safety in all situations and learning these above things, really helped me with my safety, with their safety, and it built my courage, very fast. I could see how leadership and partnership really wasn't as hard and scary as I thought. Timing took a bit but the more my timing on things around them on the ground improved, so did my timing on riding.
If you would like more information on overcoming fear, or buddy sour, you are welcome to join my small FB support/cheerleading group! Click Here.
One of the things that has a huge impact on courage is "Cruise Control" or speed control at all gaits. Think about it, if you ask your horse to walk, they should walk until you ask them to change speed. You have to do your part, keeping your body in the rhythm you want, but they also have to do their part.
Think about riding like you are walking through the mall with your friend. You walk together, you are not constantly pulling on their shirt to keep up with you, or holding onto their shirt tail to slow them down, you walk together. If one stops to look in a window, you both stop to look in the window. It is the shopping mall dance of sorts. Riding should not be any different.
But "HOW" do we get this.
1. If the horse speeds up when you are not asking them to speed up (thoughts and body, sometimes I think trot and my horse trots before I ask, this is a win and is ok). But if you didn't ask for it and didn't think it, change direction. I love doing the change direction because the horse has to think to change.
2. If the horse speeds up, bend them onto a circle until they are at the speed you want and then release and go straight again. This is also great for working on the bend.
3. If the horse slows down, let them break gait and then do enough to get them back to where you had them. This is different for all horses so if your horse is super lazy, you might have to kick and spank with a crop. If you horse is more sensitive, it might just be a tap of the crop. The key is as soon as they break gate, Tell them to get back to the gait they were at. This isn't the same as asking them to do it the first time, this is a correction.
4. If the horse slows down, as soon as they break gait, Stop and back them. They will figure out that slowing down is work. It will also help them stay in tune with you and improve their backing. I am not as huge a fan of this method as the kick or spank but I still like to have this option.
The more you practice these, the better you will get, the better your communication, the better your timing and the better your horse will be in a lot of areas. Timing on these is critical. You don't want to just keep kicking on your horse, it should be crystal clear to stay at the speed you want, don't beg for it. That will just make them dull.
Have you ever felt that fear start up when you think about going to ride your horse? You have the thought, what if the wind starts blowing? What if he is frisky? What if….Insert yours here!
We can all play the what if game for days looking for the things that can go wrong. What if, we change that around and look for the "what if" that are AMAZING? Wouldn't it be wonderful to think about riding your horse and be flooded with feelings of JOY?
It is possible and if you were ever that FEARLESS KID, it will come back to you!
I had a horrendous accident and I let it HOLD ME BACK from enjoying my riding. I had to make the DECISION to change my FEAR to COURAGE and get my riding back! Once I made the decision, the process opened up for me and here are the 3 key steps that I went through to getting back into the saddle again and riding my horse.
Step 1 - Health. I know this sounds massive, and for some, this will not be an issue at all, but for me, getting older, I needed to get my health back. One of the reasons kids are fearless is because they don’t have aches and pains. I changed my diet a couple times until I got it right and in doing so, my migraines disappeared (BONUS), my flexibility improved tremendously and so did my confidence with my balance and strength riding. I also had to get my mindset fixed but both of these are complete topics on their own. The other part of this was my horses health and mind. These four elements - Rider Health, Rider Mind, Horse Health, and Horse Mind - all have to be functioning for courage to prevail.
Step 2 - Knowledge. This one was so hard for me at first. How do you go about getting the knowledge you need. The horse trainers I talked to didn't "get" the fear, they didn't have fear. They just said "GO CANTER" or whatever it was because they didn't connect with my level of fear like the horse connected with it. I also tried going to "coaches" but they didn't "get" the combination of rider and horse feeding fear off of each other. I finally found an amazing coach that really helped with cutting the ties to the fear from the accident and I worked through an anchoring process, using Stress Away on my right wrist and Thieves on my left wrist to ANCHOR calm and courage respectfully from a smell to a feeling. These two pieces of knowledge were a huge start.
Step 3 - Experience. This was the hardest part at first. I had to put myself into a "what if" things go amazing place and fill myself with those emotions. I had to use my Anchors to set it into my mind and body. I had to create an amazing vision for what I wanted the ride to look like and then I had to GET ON and ride. I created exercises to help build the confidence and courage as I went and those first few rides, where I had complete peace and joy were worth every minute of working on this process.
So in a nutshell, these are the 3 things that I found worked for me: Health - Rider and Horse; Knowledge; and Experience. Following these 3 pieces of foundation, are so important so that you can enjoy riding your horse again in Confidence and Courage! Think about how grateful your horse will be to not have to deal with your fear any more!
We can all play the what if game for days looking for the things that can go wrong. What if, we change that around and look for the "what if" that are AMAZING? Wouldn't it be wonderful to think about riding your horse and be flooded with feelings of JOY?
It is possible and if you were ever that FEARLESS KID, it will come back to you!
I had a horrendous accident and I let it HOLD ME BACK from enjoying my riding. I had to make the DECISION to change my FEAR to COURAGE and get my riding back! Once I made the decision, the process opened up for me and here are the 3 key steps that I went through to getting back into the saddle again and riding my horse.
Step 1 - Health. I know this sounds massive, and for some, this will not be an issue at all, but for me, getting older, I needed to get my health back. One of the reasons kids are fearless is because they don’t have aches and pains. I changed my diet a couple times until I got it right and in doing so, my migraines disappeared (BONUS), my flexibility improved tremendously and so did my confidence with my balance and strength riding. I also had to get my mindset fixed but both of these are complete topics on their own. The other part of this was my horses health and mind. These four elements - Rider Health, Rider Mind, Horse Health, and Horse Mind - all have to be functioning for courage to prevail.
Step 2 - Knowledge. This one was so hard for me at first. How do you go about getting the knowledge you need. The horse trainers I talked to didn't "get" the fear, they didn't have fear. They just said "GO CANTER" or whatever it was because they didn't connect with my level of fear like the horse connected with it. I also tried going to "coaches" but they didn't "get" the combination of rider and horse feeding fear off of each other. I finally found an amazing coach that really helped with cutting the ties to the fear from the accident and I worked through an anchoring process, using Stress Away on my right wrist and Thieves on my left wrist to ANCHOR calm and courage respectfully from a smell to a feeling. These two pieces of knowledge were a huge start.
Step 3 - Experience. This was the hardest part at first. I had to put myself into a "what if" things go amazing place and fill myself with those emotions. I had to use my Anchors to set it into my mind and body. I had to create an amazing vision for what I wanted the ride to look like and then I had to GET ON and ride. I created exercises to help build the confidence and courage as I went and those first few rides, where I had complete peace and joy were worth every minute of working on this process.
So in a nutshell, these are the 3 things that I found worked for me: Health - Rider and Horse; Knowledge; and Experience. Following these 3 pieces of foundation, are so important so that you can enjoy riding your horse again in Confidence and Courage! Think about how grateful your horse will be to not have to deal with your fear any more!
Come join my "Cheerleading" group cheering each other on in this journey. If you don't experience fear, come help those of us that do and if you do have fear, it is a safe place to share, learn and grow! Click here so that you can enjoy riding your horse again!
I normally write about fear and courage, mixed in with a little horse or rider health, but in the last few days, a number of "UNKIND" situations have come across my path in the horse world and I feel compelled to say a few things that are from my heart. There are two sides to every coin, and every story so I am going to try and give my thoughts from a "whole" perspective.
First of all, my perspective. I have been that "PERSON" that was rude, that made a bad comment, that spoke out of line. I have to tell you that when I realized it, either at the time, or later, it made me very sad. I was sad that I could be mean, and I was sad that I inflicted that on another person.
Most recently, there was a person asking about feed and not realizing it at the time, my comment was very CONDESCENDING. Thankfully, the admins of the group, caught it and deleted it and issued me a warning. I share this because there were some lessons in it for me. I now, re-read comments I am making, from the perspective of the person I am intending to receive the comment. What I have realized is that I have very strong opinions and I don't take other people’s feelings into consideration nearly as much as I thought I did! Am I getting better, yes, do I still make mistakes, YES.
What this shows is that we don't always know what the person saying (or writing) the comments has been through and where they are coming from. We have not walked a mile in their shoes. This also shows that we should say something when someone trounces on us. In a nice way, but say something, speak up. I know in my case, it has really helped me to be better, not perfect, but better.
Secondly, the horse’s perspective. A horse needs, food, water, and safety. That is it. They don't know if they are going to the Olympics or helping a little girl (or older woman) with her dream of owning her first horse. They don't share in the human "ego" that seems to be so prevalent in these recent days. They don't know that everyone is on lockdown and stressed (well, they might feel the stress) but really, they are just BEING horses. It doesn't matter to them that they are fastest, prettiest, can jump the highest, or receive the best dressage scores. They want to be loved and cared for.
Thirdly, the perspective of the person being the brunt of the comment. A couple recent examples and my advice to them:
First of all, my perspective. I have been that "PERSON" that was rude, that made a bad comment, that spoke out of line. I have to tell you that when I realized it, either at the time, or later, it made me very sad. I was sad that I could be mean, and I was sad that I inflicted that on another person.
Most recently, there was a person asking about feed and not realizing it at the time, my comment was very CONDESCENDING. Thankfully, the admins of the group, caught it and deleted it and issued me a warning. I share this because there were some lessons in it for me. I now, re-read comments I am making, from the perspective of the person I am intending to receive the comment. What I have realized is that I have very strong opinions and I don't take other people’s feelings into consideration nearly as much as I thought I did! Am I getting better, yes, do I still make mistakes, YES.
What this shows is that we don't always know what the person saying (or writing) the comments has been through and where they are coming from. We have not walked a mile in their shoes. This also shows that we should say something when someone trounces on us. In a nice way, but say something, speak up. I know in my case, it has really helped me to be better, not perfect, but better.
Secondly, the horse’s perspective. A horse needs, food, water, and safety. That is it. They don't know if they are going to the Olympics or helping a little girl (or older woman) with her dream of owning her first horse. They don't share in the human "ego" that seems to be so prevalent in these recent days. They don't know that everyone is on lockdown and stressed (well, they might feel the stress) but really, they are just BEING horses. It doesn't matter to them that they are fastest, prettiest, can jump the highest, or receive the best dressage scores. They want to be loved and cared for.
Thirdly, the perspective of the person being the brunt of the comment. A couple recent examples and my advice to them:
1. A person has memories of a special horse and when that horse was sold, the new owner contacted them and told them to TAKE DOWN ALL PHOTOS, they could not share anything to do with that horse ever again. This at a minimum was rude and uncalled for and at worst case, is crazy. My advice - Think of this as an episode of "I LOVE LUCY". You know something whacky is going on. Picture this desperation of "Lucy" with the knowledge that something funny is going to happen to "Lucy" and just sit back and watch for the punch line.
2. A young lady received an amazing compliment about her young horse and before she could even bask in the joy, another horse person basically told her she wasn't good enough and was going to wreck the horse, get it to someone that could develop that horse properly. What happened to encouraging the young people and welcoming them into our sport? The horses don't care what level they reach. Let the young ones thrive with the really nice horses and bask in the joy that they picked out a good one, that they are enjoying and caring for a special one. My advice - think of that "neigh"sayer as a Grinch. A little tiny green Grinch that is jealous of your joy. Picture yourself as the WHOLE town of Whoville and bask in the joy of knowing that you did a great job picking an amazing horse and enjoy the heck out of riding and developing that horse to the very best of your ability. But most of all, have fun with your horse!
We can all learn to laugh a little more. Practice seeing things as cartoons. This takes the negative power away from those that are having some challenges and it puts us in control of how we feel, in spite of "those" people that forget to be kind (or intentionally are unkind).
If you have ever felt like your family needed a little more laughter, this book is a great family story, about my family and how I was raised, and how to bring a little more joy and laughter into your life.
I have a supportive horse community helping overcome fear, in a kind environment, and would love to have you join us (if you are not already part of the amazing group). For those of you that don't have fear, you can cheer on those of us that do have fear and for those that have fear, it is a great support group! Click here to join!
How amazing would it be to have a genie, sitting on your shoulder, and you could say, "I wish for courage" and BAM, you would have all the courage you needed? Well, anchoring may be the next best thing. There are a lot of ways to do anchoring and there are a lot of things you can use as an anchor. This is my favorite process and my favorite anchor system.
I used to be petrified of the Dentist, to the point of passing out in the waiting room to get my teeth cleaned. After starting to use the Young Living essential oils, I discovered that I could focus all my calm into the smell of Stress Away and then use that when I need calm. I started on a really peaceful day on the farm, hanging out with the horses in the pasture, just leaning against the fence with them grazing all around me. The sun was warm and the pretty blue sky and green grass were a nice contrast to the dark bay mares. In this place of peace, I put stress away on a lava bead bracelet on my right wrist and I just smelled it in. Over and over for about 30 minutes. It doesn't have to be this long for sure, but while in a completely calm, peaceful situation, you really want to "Anchor" that calm to that smell. I redo this part of the process every chance I get to keep it fresh and because I love the peace that it brings to me.
Then, when I start to feel a little stress, sometimes a week before going to the dentist, I have a tool to bring me right back to the feelings of being in that pasture, the pure calm of heaven on earth.
Well, the bonus is, it also works while riding! I found out that putting a drop of stress away on the bracelet right before I get on, lets me carry that tool with me, and if I even start to have a slight feeling I don't want coming up, I can smell that Stress Away and bring that Genie right back to my shoulder. I can whisper, I wish for Calm, and BAM, the wish is granted. I can then be in a mode of calm and trust my horse and enjoy the ride.
On the flipside of that, sometimes, I need to be the LEADER for my horse while riding. She may be concerned about a tree that has fallen down, or something out of place from the last time. We might be on a new ride and I need to be there for her and to guide her with my confidence. I started a new trail that we had not been on before and the entrance was from a very sunny grass trail, through a hole just big enough for us, into a deep dark forest. When I got to the trail head, my horse was NOT sure that it was a good idea to walk through that hole. I just kept my leadership and assured her that we would be fine, I would not let anything happen to us and it took a little bit, but she did walk right into that hole. I could not have done this from a state of fear myself. When we talk about an Anchor, this is a great example I can focus on to create a Leadership/ Courage Anchor. I love Thieves essential oil and the story behind the Thieves blend so that is the oil I chose to Anchor courage too. I use a lava bead bracelet on my left wrist for Courage. When I have feelings of leadership and courage, I anchor them into that smell of Thieves, every chance I get.
Then, when I am finding fear starting to come up, like facing my horse to that hole in the forest to walk through, I can smell the Thieves and know I will be all right and with my courage, my horses puts her trust in me and off into the forest we go for an amazing cool ride getting out of the heat of summer. (Here is a link to check out the products I use!)
If you would love to find out more about overcoming fear, I would love to have you join our free Facebook support group, Happy, Courageous, Horses and Riders!
