When I saw the horse flipping over on top of me, the feeling of falling and seeing that he was going to crush me, left me mentally in much worse shape than I was physically. The fear hung out with me like a dear friend. Like many of you, we have things happen that we cannot control, and the fear remains, long after the danger has passed.
Honor your fear or it will explode to get your attention.
This can be so hard to learn. We are taught to push down our fear, just buck up and do it, get on with it, and we end up feeling so alone in our fear. That feeling that nobody else understands. The hardest part is realizing that we can't just push that fear down. We can honor that fear, the precious fear that is just trying to keep us safe. It means well. It is doing its job. It doesn't know that we are no longer in danger and can make different decisions.
You might be wondering how. Here are my three tips for honoring your fear and returning to joy:
1. Really say thank you to your fear. Feel that it has helped you to stay safe. Take some time with this and let your feelings flow. If you enjoy journaling, put it down on paper. If you are like me and writing isn't your thing, close your eyes and just really breath into the fear, feel gratitude, feel yourself saying thank you.
2. When you start to feel the fear come up, practice amazing "What If's". There isn't anything that says we have to stay in negative what if's. We can pick and choose new ones, ones that fill us up with passion, desire, and joy!
3. Use tools. Whether it be checklists, breathing techniques, calming oils, CBD, preparation, music, or something else. Find out what works for you. Tools have such a bad stigma but really they can help us keep fear at bay and really let it know that we have this, we are good, and not in danger.
If you would like a little help on your "What if's", here is a short video on my thoughts and a little challenge! Click here.
I went 15 years without falling and then competing in a big jumper class, I fell off over a jump. I was talking to my young friend about it and she realized, the last time I had fallen was before she was born and we just paused, and really connected in that moment. We all have the chance of falling or having an accident of any kind, may not even involve horses.
Fortunately, horses have the remarkable ability to help us conquer this fear and unlock our true potential. Let's explore how horses enable us to overcome the fear of falling and discover a new level of self-confidence.
1. Building Trust and Connection:
Horses are known for their intuitive nature and ability to form strong bonds with humans. When working with horses, we learn that trust is the foundation of any successful relationship. Through patient and consistent interaction, we develop a deep sense of trust with these majestic creatures. This trust-building process helps us overcome our fear of falling, as it allows us to relinquish control and rely on the strength and stability of the horse.
2. Developing Balance and Coordination:
Riding a horse requires a certain degree of balance and coordination. As we navigate the challenges of riding, we not only physically learn how to stay centered and in control but also mentally build the confidence needed to face the fear of falling. Horses teach us to embrace our body's natural power and work together in harmony to maintain balance, thus empowering us to overcome the fear that restricts our growth. They also encourage us to improve our health to be better riders!
3. Enhancing Self-Awareness:
Horses possess an ability to mirror our emotions and behavior, providing immediate feedback on our actions. Through this awareness, we can address and work through these emotions, gradually building our self-confidence in the face of falling. Courage pennies is a great way to track this amazing process of gaining courage! Soak up pennies every time you feel confident and use a penny or two when you have fear creap in. It is just a good visual to help!
4. Learning to Trust One's Intuition:
Horse riders begin to tap into their intuitive senses—gut feelings and instinctive responses to different situations. Trusting our intuition is crucial for overcoming the fear of falling, especially using this before we get on. Making sure everything with us and our horse is just right. It enables us to make split-second decisions and respond effectively. As we become more attuned to our intuition, we gain a deep sense of self-trust and confidence, further bolstering our ability to manage the fear of falling.
If you haven't read my book on getting over fear, it is a great process that helps anyone facing fear, know what steps to take to find courage again! You can get it here: Rise from Fear to COURAGE!
Sitting on the mounting block, tears streaming down my face, my beautiful horse, just breathing into me as I once again couldn't get on. I let fear hold me back from riding my beautiful girl. This wasn't the first time, but it was the defining time.
We were moving to Kentucky with property to ride on and I was terrified to ride outside the arena. My passion was to ride and yet, I was letting fear hold me back from hours of joy. Like many of you, whether it is something happened to cause your fear or the fear just crept in, the joy that is taken from us can't be replaced, it is gone forever.
I believe we were put here on earth to enjoy life and not only conquer our fears, but to help others conquer their fears as well.
Using a system, is a great key to success and you can conquer your fear too. Whether the fear is internal fear like fear of success, or external fear, like riding a horse, the system can be used to conquer either.
There are a number of steps in the system, but my favorite was to prepare for success. Creating a pre-flight checklist, like a pilot looking over a plane before flying was so much fun! I created one for me, and one for the horse. Imagine looking at what your fear, and creating the perfect checklist to know you are safe and don't need to worry about the fear, just like that pilot that feels safe heading down the runway at top speed to leap into the air like a bird.
There are a number of steps in the process but this one, creating a checklist will get you started on your way to feeling great about bringing that joy back into your life.
For more information on the entire system, you can read my journey, and learn the process in my book, Rise from Fear to Courage!
After 60 seconds of terror, left me searching for how to find the 1000's of hours of joy in the saddle again, I knew I had to find how to regain confidence. This type of experience can leave you feeling unsure and scared to get back in the saddle, but with the right mindset and approach, it is possible to overcome these feelings. We all have different situations, but we share the love of feeling the horse moving under us as one. That joy can be brought back to life.
It takes a lot of courage to admit that you are struggling and seek advice on how to move forward. So, give yourself credit for recognizing the challenge and taking steps to overcome it. Starting the journey can be the hardest part.
One suggestion is to start slowly, one step at a time. This may mean spending time in a non-riding capacity, such as ground play. This can help you build trust and a positive relationship again.
The second suggestion would be to prepare to ride. Make sure you and the horse are ready to take those first steps together again. There is no timeframe, you and your horse get to pick when you are both ready.
The third suggestion would be to start small. Mine first ride was 4 steps. I can do anything for 4 steps. Pick something really easy.
Additionally, it may be helpful to have someone with you as you begin to ride again. There isn't anything wrong with having someone lead you. An amazing Grand Prix dressage trainer, Alicia Dickenson has someone lead her the first few times she hacks a new off the track horse for additional safety. If she can do it, we can all have permission to do it too!
It is important to remember that everyone's experience with trauma is unique, and there is no right or wrong way to approach the process of regaining confidence. Take things at your own pace, and don't push yourself too hard. With patience, support, and a positive attitude, it is possible to overcome this challenge.
Lastly, don't hesitate to reach out if you need any further support or guidance. Your safety and well-being should always come first. Remember that you are not alone in this, and there are people who are willing to help you every step of the way.
I am happy to help you put together a plan if you would like to schedule a 30-minute coaching to get you started. Just click here to get it on my calendar!
The hour ride in the ambulance, knowing I wasn't going to make it, was the longest hour ever. It was such a beautiful day, and having a horse get bit by a black widow and then flip over on me was just completely crazy. It was my first camping trip with horses and I had been so excited. I made so many mistakes and looking back at that, I can fix the mistakes that caused the accident. It was an accident that was 100% preventable.
This gives me confidence that I can prepare and not go through it again. But how? How to get back on the horse?
Here are my four must haves:
1. A pre-ride checklist, for me and for the horse. All the check boxes have to be YES before I proceed. If any one is not ok, I do what will fix it before proceeding. (You can get a copy of the checklists here if you would like to see mine!)
2. I must have all the safety equipment that helps me feel safe. I use a life jacket because it fits me great but probably isn't as good as a horse-riding vest. I always wear a helmet and boots. My tack is always checked to make sure it is in good working order.
3. I use CBD for the first rides back. It works to stop the shakes. I believe it isn't fair to the horse to have to carry my fear. I need to do something to alleviate the fear while I get my courage back and CBD works for me.
4. I have a PLAN. For me, it is to get on and take 4 steps. Stop and re-evaluate. I can do 4 steps. For me, it was important to not just get on and get back off. It was important to take those first steps. With everything else in place, the 4 steps worked out great!
If you would like help with any of the steps to getting back on the horse, I am happy to talk you through your first plan.
You can put some time on my calendar if that would be of interest to you! Put Your Plan TOGETHER!
