This is a GREAT question. Think about it, do we ask, how do you drive a car safely? Or, how do we walk down stairs safely? Or, how do we walk through the shopping mall safely? All of these things can be dangerous but we don't ask all the time about their safety. I think because riding a horse, is an agreement and a partnership between two beings, it is a little more daunting but really, driving a car is an agreement with all the other drivers if you think about it.
So, there are things we can do to improve our safety riding. First of all, mentally, we need to be ready to ride. Think about going to the shopping mall with your friend, and the entire time, she is worried about being robbed, that person doesn't look nice, what if that person has a gun, etc. You would be a stressed mess and not enjoy it. We do this to our horses when we are not mentally in a good spot to ride. There are so many exercises we can do to get our mind right, before getting on our horses (and I love using CBD under my tongue to also help just take the edge off, to see the one I use, just click here),
We need to make sure our horses are ready to enjoy a nice ride. I have created some pre-ride checklists, like a pilot checking out a plane for flight, to make sure our horses are ready and look for signs that we may need to make a different decision. If we can have bad days, our horses can too! I also love to put a big pile of hay in front of my horses while I groom and tack up. A full stomach keeps their stomach acid from sloshing while riding so they want to be ridden the next time. If it always hurts when you are ridden, you wouldn't want to do it again.
When we go to get on our horse, are they standing quietly, waiting for us to get on? This is a big one! If they are not super quiet and relaxed, I don't get on, ever. We work through what is causing their worry and stress. It may mean I don't ride that day. I think the best thing we can do for our horses, is to always give them a choice. A partnership is about agreement of both parties and our horse deserves that respect from us.
If you enjoyed this, I did do a short video talking about it too!
What if we turn it around from how do I stop obsessing over what if, to how do I obsess over amazing what if's? There are a lot of times we worry and stress about what might happen, what could happen in a bad way, the worst-case scenario. Nobody says we have to stay in the negative mind yuck.
Let's change our what ifs around to the best possible outcomes. The amazing things that we want. Fill ourselves up with what ifs that support our dreams and become our reality. This was more powerful that I could have imagined. I first wrote down the main yucky what ifs that were stuck in my head when I would think about riding. I looked at them from the root. For me, it was not being in control. Surprise, that shows up in other areas of my life too! How could I change it around to what ifs that let me be in control?
I just dove in. What if my ride is relaxing and we enjoy every minute? What if I feel the rhythm of my horses' feet and we are in sync for the entire ride? What if we get to see amazing things, feel the sun on our backs and the breeze on our cheeks. The more I wrote down the what if's the filled me with joy, the more I felt good. The less room there was for anxiety and fear. I wrote down 10, powerful what if's and practiced them 5 times a day for 7 days. WOW. I could hardly remember the original what if's that had caused so much stress. They had faded. The more I fill up with great, amazing what if's, the more the yuck fades. The best part, my horses seem to feel the shift in me, they are more attentive and in tune. They want to be with me instead of running from me.
If you would like to see a short mini-course I did on creating better what if's, just click here!
Well, we really don't want fear to go away. We want to make sure we are using it wisely! Here are a few things to do in 2023 to help your fear help you, instead of controlling you. Get your life back to joy.
First of all, we need our fear to keep us safe, if it is real fear that is. It is our minds tool to pay attention, look around us, and make sure we are safe. It is our opportunity to be in the moment and do what needs to be done. This fear, real fear, we will practice recognizing in 2023. Keep a journal and write down when you have real fear. Example would be riding along and having a snake show up in your path. You have to take immediate action. Practice noticing this real fear and keep track. It will be a lot less than you "IMAGINE" it to be.
Secondly, imaginary fear. We need to turn this around to feelings of joy and happiness! It is our mind thinking that we are in danger, and probably playing a story, over and over, in our head, of danger! Also in your journal, write these down. Recognize them. You will see repeats. Example would be you are thinking of going for a ride, you start to have your palms get sweaty and you stop. You think about what is causing it and it might be that your horse might rear. That is my go-to. It is really a fear of falling off and getting hurt. My mind and body go into panic mode. Write these down in your journal!
As you see patterns, rewrite them. For my example, I would write My horse and I had a lovely ride. It was warm and rhythmical. I could feel the relaxation in myself and in my horse. Really spend some time feeling the feelings. It won't take long and when your mind starts to go to the imaginary fear, your brain will say, oh, I know what to do, let's go to that good feeling place we have created!
Now, for my really exciting 2023 news, I am opening up some coaching spots for a few people that would like help, overcoming their fear and turning it into joy. Reply to this email that you want COACHING AND JOY, and we can have a chat and see if it is a good fit for you and get you on the waiting list!
That feeling of stress, the sweaty palms, the fast breathing, it comes from going back into the past in our minds, feeling the things that happened. Those feelings bring more thoughts, like magnets, and the spiral heads right down into anxiety and panic attacks. Have you ever asked yourself why you keep replaying memories in your head?
For me, there are three reasons I keep that memory wheel running in my head, and what I do to fix each one.
1. I am not being mindful of the present moment. This is a big one for me. I love just being, right here, right now. It takes practice. When I realize I am back replaying the memory movie, I can snap myself back into the present moment. It is a lot easier if you practice this when not being in that swamp of nasty memories. (Click here for my free 7 days to Mindfulness guide)
2. There is a trigger to the memory. This one happens when I see a horse rear or start to rear. It puts me right back in that moment of fear. This is a great one to fix, when you are sitting on the couch and all nice and relaxed. Reset the trigger. Google search horseback riding and look at images of great rides. Feel how good that feels and really set that feeling. I use an anchor too. I take a really good smelling essential oil, my favorites for this are Stress Away or Joy, and smell them while I am feeling how an amazing ride would feel. It can also be closing your eyes and remember amazing rides you have had. They key is to really put yourself in that moment and anchor it. Then think about the trigger, a horse rearing in my example, and see it getting smaller and smaller. See that trigger just disappearing. Go right back to the feeling of the amazing ride, smell the essential oils, feel that amazing feeling. Repeat this 5 - 10 times. You will notice your trigger isn't so much a trigger anymore.
3. I play the "What if" game. What if my horse lifts its head. What if my horse starts to rear. What if, what if, what if. This is another one that is fun to do while relaxing on your couch, at least at first. Pick better "what if's"! What if you have the best ride ever? What if it is a beautiful day and you just feel the rhythm with your horses footfall. What if you and your horse have an amazing adventure. See how many you can come up with. Write them down. Keep adding to the list. Read the list, over and over. Practice your what ifs. As you go to the barn, practice your what ifs!
Palms start to sweat. The feeling of the world closing in on you. Breathing becomes shallow and it seems so hard to breath. The heat rises to the top of the head and the feelings of being trapped overwhelm. That feeling comes from not being in control. It makes you mind for get to think and your entire focus is in a very small, tiny world right around you, trying to survive. There are so many feelings that go along with anxiety but the biggest one for me, is the feeling of "NOT" being in control.
This started when I was little. The dentist seemed like a GIANT Boogeyman. Having stitches and all the blood after being kicked in the head by my pony after I fell off. Motorcycles anywhere near after having one hit us head on. There were so many triggers for my anxiety, and they were all around not being in control.
After my horse accident in 2000, I knew I had to find a way out of the anxiety and there were several pieces that worked for me. First of all, I had to know I had done everything to be safe. Some was easy, dentist isn't going to kill me. Flying wasn't so easy, that is all out of my control. Even being a passenger in a car was challenging and led to me searching for something that would work. The mental focus on the "What If's" that served me, made me feel better, helped a LOT. We get to choose what our "what ifs" look like so choose wisely.
Secondly, I found Stress Away and Thieves Essential oils. I used a process I learned call "anchoring" to anchor Stress Away to calm on a bracelet on my right wrist, and Thieves for Courage on my left wrist. This allowed me to be in control of my calm and my courage. (To learn more about anchoring, I would be happy to help you, you can schedule 30 minutes with me here!)
The last thing that was the final piece of the puzzle is CBD under the tongue. Just one drop allowed my release of my anxiety. So much so, that the last time I went to the dentist, I fell asleep HUGE WIN. I can have a horse act up and I don't shake! It was just the final piece in that giant jigsaw puzzle of getting over anxiety and loving life again!
If you are ready to kick anxiety to the curb, you can check out the products on my wishlist! Click Here.
