The biggest challenge for me with jumping my horse was "seeing" my distance to the fence. I was determined to get to each jump just right, but the pressure I put on myself filled me with anxiety. The more I tried to control the situation, the more tense my body became. The harder it was to guide my horse to the right spot to jump from, and it quickly became a vicious cycle. It was like swirling around the drain, spiraling deeper and deeper into anxiety.
Looking back now, I realize that it all started with perfectionism—the need to hit that "perfect spot" every time. Perfectionism is something many of us struggle with, whether it’s in our careers, relationships, or even our hobbies. While striving for excellence isn’t inherently harmful, the constant desire to be perfect can create an undercurrent of anxiety that follows us around like a shadow. It saps our joy and keeps us stuck in a never-ending loop of stress and dissatisfaction.
When we chase perfection, we often feel as though we’re falling short, no matter how hard we try. The pressure builds, and the anxiety takes over, often leading to physical tension. I can remember how tight my muscles would get as I overthought every approach to the jump. My mind was racing, but my body was frozen, which only made it harder to execute the task at hand. This was the anxiety speaking through my body, reminding me of my perceived failure to meet an unattainable standard.
The good news is we can break free from the grip of perfectionism, and it starts with awareness. Here are a few ideas to help you shift away from perfectionism and ease the anxiety it causes:
1. Embrace "Good Enough": Acknowledge that perfection isn’t always necessary. Instead, focus on doing your best in the moment, even if it’s not perfect. Perfectionism often prevents us from enjoying the journey, so let go of the need to be flawless, and relax into the journey.
2. Focus on the Process, Not the Outcome: When I stopped obsessing over landing the perfect jump, I started to enjoy the process of riding. Celebrate the small victories and trust that progress is more important than perfection.
3. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned. Perfectionism thrives on self-criticism, but self-compassion fosters growth and reduces anxiety.
4. Shift Your Perspective: Challenge the belief that everything must be perfect. Mistakes are part of learning and growth. Letting go of perfection frees us from anxiety’s grip.
Perfectionism and anxiety are closely linked, but with practice, we can break the cycle. It’s about shifting our focus from perfection to progress, and that’s where true peace lies.
As you ease into relaxation instead of perfectionism, I would love to share my 7 Days to Mindfulness guide with you, it is complimentary and may help you ease into the journey to relaxation. Get the guide here!
My horse started to spook my response was to fold up into myself, like a folding chair, with all the fear gripping my stomach and shutting down my brain. Holding my breath while I panicked. Nothing happened but I was a wreck emotionally and physically. This was all my mind. Causing me to feel fear through my body. I have also had the experience of just sitting up a little taller, like a high backed chair, and boy, my confidence in my mind blossoms with just a slight shift in my posture.
These are just simple examples of how intertwined our mind and our body are. The connection goes both ways and is powerful, either for fear or for confidence and courage. The great news is we can learn to play with both sides of this, the mind and the body and use that to overcome imaginary and perceived fear. Real fear is important and we need but the other two, not so much.
Here are a few things you can do to play with this and learn how to control the mind-body connection.
1. Just check in with your body and see how you are feeling. Curl your shoulders forward like you are curling up into a fetal position and feel how that changes your confidence. Then straighten your shoulders and posture and see how different that feels.
2. Think about being a knight with an amazing sword and shield to overcome all battles. How does that feel in your body? Did you sit up a tiny bit straighter?
3. Visualize breathing in light and love and exhaling anxiety and fear. Do this for 5-10 breaths and see how you feel and if it has changed from where you started.
There’s so much more to explore about the mind-body connection, and I have a free guide on 7 days to mindfulness. Click Here if you would like a copy!
In today’s world, it’s easy to fall into the trap of constantly measuring ourselves against others. I remember riding in a clinic, with several talented young riders, and I couldn’t help but feel defeated as I tried to keep up. Despite my frustration, I completed every jump as instructed, and the jumping itself felt great. But the tension of trying to be perfect—of comparing myself to others—was overwhelming.
We fear being judged for not being perfect, and this fear creates tension. In riding, it’s common to feel like you’re being judged by trainers, fellow riders, or even your own past expectations. This fear can hold us back, preventing us from fully enjoying the journey. But the truth is, relaxation and peace come from embracing your own unique journey, not by measuring yourself against someone else. It is all about you and your horse and improving that relationship.
When we focus too much on what others think, we become paralyzed by their opinions. We might ask ourselves: "Am I doing this right? What will they think? What if I fail?" This mindset, centered on judgment and perfection, adds stress and stops us from truly enjoying the process. Instead of celebrating progress, we get caught in a cycle of fear and self-doubt.
The truth is, you don’t need to be perfect. Perfection is an illusion. What matters is that you’re growing, learning, and trying. Every step forward, no matter how small, is progress. By pursuing your riding goals, you’re doing something extraordinary—many people never take that leap. But you? You’re out there riding, pushing forward, and that’s something to be proud of.
Relaxation comes when we let go of the need to meet external standards and focus on personal growth. You are unique. Your path is unique. As you continue to grow, the tension from judgment will fade. Celebrate small victories—whether it’s mastering a new skill or overcoming fear—and you’ll find more confidence and ease in the saddle. You’re not here to be perfect; you’re here to be authentic, present, and to follow your dreams, no matter where they take you.
So, the next time you feel the fear of judgment creeping in, remember this: you are enough just as you are. Your journey is yours alone. Relax into that truth and let go of the need for perfection. You’re already doing something incredible by showing up and striving for more and riding your horse.
If you're ready to let go of the pressure of perfection and embrace your unique journey, I invite you to join my Mind-Body Connection Webinar on January 25th, 2025. In this session, we’ll explore how to connect with your horse—and yourself—on a deeper level, helping you ride with more ease, confidence, and presence. Can't make it live? No worries! There is an option to purchase the replay.
I was recently watching a video of a Disney Parade when something unexpected happened— a balloon string wrapped around the hind leg of a horse in the procession. While the aftermath of the incident is important, what struck me most was what was happening before the incident.
The handlers walking alongside the horse were checked out, mindlessly walking along, and the princess riding the horse seemed entirely absorbed in "being" a princess, not at all focused on the horse. In that moment, the horse was essentially alone, with no connection to the people around it. No one was in tune to the horse’s mind and body. The handlers weren’t engaged, the rider wasn’t present, and as a result, the horse became disoriented and fearful. This is a perfect example of the lack of mind-body connection, and it serves as a valuable lesson for all of us.
So, what can we learn from this?
1. Our Mind and Body Are Connected to Our Horse’s Mind and Body
When we ride, we must honor the fact that our mind and body are deeply connected to our horse’s mind and body. I often think of my horse as an extension of myself. My balance impacts the horse's movement, and my state of mind directly influences its behavior. The more present I am, the more relaxed my horse becomes, and together, our minds and bodies align to perform as a team. This connection helps reduce anxiety and keeps spooks to a minimum. Without it, the horse can easily spiral into panic, just as the horse in the parade did.
2. Engaging the Horse’s Mind Is Rewarding
Engaging your horse’s mind while riding not only helps prevent unexpected events but also creates a rewarding experience for both of you. Think of it like going to a shopping mall with a great friend— you’re not just getting from point A to point B, but you’re enjoying the journey together. Building that mental connection with your horse makes riding more enjoyable and deepens your partnership.
3. The Mind-Body Connection Is Something We Can Improve
Whether it’s strengthening your own mind-body connection or deepening the bond with your horse, this is an area we can always improve. Get curious about how different actions affect the connection. What happens if you tense up or slouch? How does your balance affect your horse’s movement? Try different approaches, explore how it feels, and see what works best for you both.
If you’re interested in learning more about the mind-body connection, I’ll be hosting a workshop on January 25th, 2025 (or you can catch the replay). You can find more details and register by clicking here!
There I was, ready to ride—horse tacked up, mounting block in place. It was my first time riding outside the "fence" since my accident. I had reached this point countless times before but never quite managed to get my leg over the saddle. This time, I knew it was different. I had learned, prepared, and practiced. My horse was calm, waiting at the mounting block. I knew what to do. I had the tools. This time, I was going to "get back on the horse."I took four steps. And celebrated. I DID IT!
It’s a phrase we hear when facing setbacks, fear, or self-doubt: "Get back on the horse." But what does it really mean, especially in horseback riding or any personal challenge?
Getting back on the horse is more than a physical act. It’s a mental one—a commitment to face fear, overcome obstacles, and move forward, even when things don’t go as planned. It’s about having a plan for the contingencies that arise. After a fall or fearful experience, the challenge is not just physical—it’s rebuilding trust in yourself and your horse. It’s about practicing courage, resilience, and self-compassion. When we face fear, it's easy to let self-doubt take over. But fear doesn’t define us. Getting back on the horse is about taking action despite uncertainty and regaining control.
The first step? Acknowledge your fear. It’s okay to feel scared, vulnerable, or even angry. But instead of letting these feelings hold you back, recognize them as part of the growth process. Fear means you’re pushing your boundaries—and that’s how you grow.
The next step is building confidence—sometimes through small steps. Spend time with your horse, connect, and practice at a slower pace. Each small success builds your courage to tackle more challenging moments.
Getting back on the horse is a metaphor for life. It’s about trusting your strength, learning from past experiences, and stepping forward with renewed purpose.
Don’t let fear hold you back. Get "The Ultimate Riding Contingency Guide" for quick tips and techniques to handle unexpected situations and get back on track with confidence
