Confidence isn’t something you either wake up with or without. It’s not a mood. It’s not a lucky streak. And it definitely isn’t reserved for “other people” who seem born with it.
Confidence is a muscle—and like any muscle, it builds over time, with repetition and practice. But what most people miss is this: confidence also has rhythm. It has movement. It grows step by step, just like learning to dance.
And here’s the thing—confidence doesn’t grow in isolation. It grows in relationship. In response. In motion. It’s like dancing. You learn the steps, you miss a few, you trip, you laugh, and you keep going. The question is: who or what are you dancing with?
Are you dancing with:
- Perfectionism that leads and pulls you too tight?
- Self-doubt whispering every wrong move in your ear?
- Or are you partnered with curiosity, willingness, and a little courage?
Confidence builds when you keep moving, even when the music changes.
That means showing up for yourself on the days you’d rather hide.
It means trying the new thing before you feel ready.
It means trusting your own rhythm—even when someone else would do it differently.
It means trying the new thing before you feel ready.
It means trusting your own rhythm—even when someone else would do it differently.
The good news? You don’t have to start big. Confidence doesn’t demand a spotlight. It just asks for one small move forward. Then another. Then one more. Every repetition, every try, every “I did it anyway” adds weight to the muscle—and grace to your steps.
So if you’re feeling offbeat, out of sync, or like you’re fumbling through life’s choreography—breathe. You’re not failing. You’re training. I started out looking like Elaine on Friends! Hahaha.
Confidence doesn’t come from waiting to feel brave. It comes from moving anyway—and realizing you didn’t fall apart. That’s the rhythm. That’s how the muscle grows. That’s the dance.
Want help finding your next step in the dance? Tune into Episode 108 of the podcast: Confidence Isn’t a Mood, It’s a Muscle. I’ll walk you through how to stop waiting for confidence to arrive—and start building it, one move at a time. Podcast
There have been many times in my life when I felt stuck. I used to blame others—my circumstances, my past, or the people around me. But looking back now, I realize something important: nobody was keeping me stuck.
I was letting fear hold me hostage.
We’ve all been through seasons that felt out of our control—an unhappy childhood, an unhealthy relationship, or a job that drained us. We’ve all been stuck. But stuck doesn’t mean broken.
And here’s the good news: stuck is temporary—if you know how to shift.
So often we blame others—or fear itself—for our lack of progress. But when we get honest and dig deeper, we find that we are both the barrier and the solution. Because fear isn’t really the enemy. Fear can be useful. It alerts us. It sharpens us. It can even motivate us.
What keeps us spinning in circles is that foggy, frozen place where we don’t know what to do next.
That’s stuck. And it’s frustrating, exhausting, and discouraging.
But getting unstuck doesn’t require a life overhaul. It starts with one small, intentional step.
Here’s your practical guide to start shifting today:
🔹 Get honest with yourself.
Ask: What am I avoiding? Stuck often hides behind procrastination, perfectionism, or pretending it’s “not the right time.” Name it. Write it down. That’s the beginning of freedom.
Ask: What am I avoiding? Stuck often hides behind procrastination, perfectionism, or pretending it’s “not the right time.” Name it. Write it down. That’s the beginning of freedom.
🔹 Take responsibility.
It’s not on someone else to fix you. You may not have created the situation—but you are the one who will create the change.
It’s not on someone else to fix you. You may not have created the situation—but you are the one who will create the change.
🔹 Move—literally.
Physical movement disrupts mental stuckness. Go for a walk. Stretch. Breathe deeply. It wakes up possibility.
Physical movement disrupts mental stuckness. Go for a walk. Stretch. Breathe deeply. It wakes up possibility.
🔹 Do one micro-action.
Send the email. Open the journal. Make the call. Action creates clarity. Motivation follows movement.
Send the email. Open the journal. Make the call. Action creates clarity. Motivation follows movement.
🔹 Ask for support.
Isolation fuels fear. Connection builds courage. Talk to a coach, mentor, or friend who sees your potential.
Isolation fuels fear. Connection builds courage. Talk to a coach, mentor, or friend who sees your potential.
Stuck is not your identity. It’s just a place you’re passing through.
You’ve gotten unstuck before. You can do it again.
If this resonates, and you want to dive deeper, tune in to Episode 107 of my podcast: Fear Isn’t the Enemy—Stuck Is. I share more about how to shift out of fear and into momentum—even when it’s messy. (You can listen here: Podcast)
Start small. Start now. That’s how the breakthrough begins.
We’ve all heard it said:
Horses help us heal.
Horses help us heal.
But how often do we really notice how much we carry into the pasture?
Many of us walk into the barn dragging invisible baggage—stress, heartbreak, anxiety, grief—and without even realizing it, we offload that emotional weight onto our horses.
And here’s the incredible part:
They love us anyway.
It’s our responsibility to be present—not just physically, but mentally—for our horses.
Think about horses in the wild.
Their survival depends on energetic awareness. If one horse feels tension or anxiety, the entire herd feels it and responds.
Now imagine stepping into that sensitive herd with a head full of chaos.
That’s what we do every time we show up distracted, stressed, or emotionally overwhelmed.
And our horses? They hold space. They take it in. They absorb it, even when they don’t understand it.
Their survival depends on energetic awareness. If one horse feels tension or anxiety, the entire herd feels it and responds.
Now imagine stepping into that sensitive herd with a head full of chaos.
That’s what we do every time we show up distracted, stressed, or emotionally overwhelmed.
And our horses? They hold space. They take it in. They absorb it, even when they don’t understand it.
Our Horses Feel What We Feel
When we’re grieving, they offer their necks for tears.
When we’re sad, they stand quietly beside us.
When we’re stressed, their big hearts help carry the load.
When we’re anxious, they ground us in the now—if we let them.
When we’re sad, they stand quietly beside us.
When we’re stressed, their big hearts help carry the load.
When we’re anxious, they ground us in the now—if we let them.
But healing is a two-way street.
It’s Time to Give Back to Our Silent Healers
Let’s start showing up for them the way they’ve always shown up for us:
- Show up joyful—and watch how they mirror that light.
- Show up calm and confident—and notice how their energy softens.
- Show up playful and present—and see them offer connection, even putting their nose in the halter for you.
Our horses don’t want treats. (Ok, some horses might want treats....hahahaha)
They want us—body, heart, and soul.
Not our worries. Not our stress. Not our past.
Just our presence.
They want us—body, heart, and soul.
Not our worries. Not our stress. Not our past.
Just our presence.
Because when we show up whole, we don’t just heal—we help them heal too.
What if you didn’t have to bring the weight of the world into the pasture?
Your horse can feel what you’re carrying—and while they hold space with love, what if you could meet them with a clear, calm heart?
Through courage coaching and hypnotherapy, I help riders release anxiety, stress, and emotional overwhelm—without needing to carry it into every ride.
Let’s help you reset, for good.
Book your free Hypnotherapy Chat here: Hypnotherapy Chat
Your horse can feel what you’re carrying—and while they hold space with love, what if you could meet them with a clear, calm heart?
Through courage coaching and hypnotherapy, I help riders release anxiety, stress, and emotional overwhelm—without needing to carry it into every ride.
Let’s help you reset, for good.
Book your free Hypnotherapy Chat here: Hypnotherapy Chat
There I was, in the pasture—and I was terrified.
My off-the-track mare was aggressive, and I was timid.
The worst combination for horses and humans.
My off-the-track mare was aggressive, and I was timid.
The worst combination for horses and humans.
She bit me square in the back when I didn’t even know she was behind me.
She kicked another horse—who landed on me—twice.
She even bit my arm and tore the sleeve of my hoodie.
She kicked another horse—who landed on me—twice.
She even bit my arm and tore the sleeve of my hoodie.
I felt hopeless.
We had a vacation planned and some neighbor kids coming to care for the horses.
Something had to change—and fast.
Something had to change—and fast.
If you're feeling timid around your horse, or unaware of what's happening around you, here’s the truth:
You can’t afford to stay in that place.
But you can become the Lead Mare.
Step 1: Become the Lead Mare in Your Mind
Start with your energy. Think about the traits of a true Lead Mare:
- Calm
- Confident
- Strong presence
- Clear communication
- Mindfulness in the moment
She doesn’t shrink back. She knows what’s happening in her herd.
You can start with just one of these traits—practice it daily.
Or fill up with all of them at once. Walk taller. Speak with clarity.
Lead from within.
Or fill up with all of them at once. Walk taller. Speak with clarity.
Lead from within.
Step 2: Find Your "Ears, Tail, and Kick"—aka the Flag
Unlike horses, we don’t have ears to pin, tails to swish, or hooves to kick.
But we do have tools.
But we do have tools.
My favorite? A dressage whip with a plastic bag or flag on the end.
They became my body, my ears, my tail swish, and my kick—all in one.
They became my body, my ears, my tail swish, and my kick—all in one.
But here's the trick:
- Keep the flag down by your feet.
- Use your energy first.
- If that doesn't work, lift the flag just a little (like pinning ears).
- If still no response, wave it like a tail swish.
- Still nothing? WAVE IT MADLY like you mean it.
Exactly what a lead mare would do.
Step 3: Set Bigger Boundaries Than You Think You Need
This was the hardest—and most crucial—part for me.
At first, I had to be overly assertive to stay safe.
My boundary? A solid 50 feet.
If my mare even looked at me sideways, I waved that flag hard until she relaxed or turned away.
My boundary? A solid 50 feet.
If my mare even looked at me sideways, I waved that flag hard until she relaxed or turned away.
And the moment she did, I dropped the flag. Instant reward.
Over time, I allowed her closer—but only when she earned it with calm, respectful energy.
Over time, I allowed her closer—but only when she earned it with calm, respectful energy.
The wild part?
Once I became her clear, confident leader, she became kinder to the other horses too.
Once I became her clear, confident leader, she became kinder to the other horses too.
Final Thought:
We’re all guilty of trying to be nice… of not wanting to hurt our horse’s feelings.
But here’s the deal:
Wimpy energy creates dangerous horses.
Wimpy energy creates dangerous horses.
Don’t apologize for setting clear boundaries.
Don’t second-guess your strength.
Stand in your power, be clear, be fair—and lead like the mare you are.
Don’t second-guess your strength.
Stand in your power, be clear, be fair—and lead like the mare you are.
Want help stepping into your lead mare energy—and finding your calm?
Do you want to overcome anxiety with a little extra help?
Let’s explore breaking free from anxiety and stepping into calm, confident leadership—both in and out of the pasture.
Let’s explore breaking free from anxiety and stepping into calm, confident leadership—both in and out of the pasture.
I’ve helped clients with both courage coaching and hypnotherapy to overcome anxiety and enjoy life (and horses!) again.
Schedule your free Courage Chat now and take the first step toward finding your calm:
Courage Chat!
Courage Chat!
Sitting there in tears, realizing I had failed every New Year’s resolution I’d ever set, was one of the lowest moments of my life. Not one. Not a single resolution had I succeeded at. But somewhere through the tears, a different truth emerged—those resolutions weren’t what actually mattered to me.
What mattered... was happiness.
We were not designed to be failures. We were made to live, laugh, and experience joy. That realization led me to set a completely different kind of goal—one that changed my life forever: laugh 400 times a day. I set that goal over 30 years ago, and I’ve never looked back.
So, let me ask you—when was the last time you made your happiness a priority? Especially when it comes to riding. We get lost in fear, in anxiety, in “what ifs,” and forget why we ride in the first place—to connect, to feel joy, to remember our happy place.
Here’s my favorite way to rewire fear and find your courage again: turn fear into a cartoon.
Seriously. Take whatever small fear you’re facing—getting on your horse, trotting, cantering—and turn it into a silly image in your mind. No one else needs to know (though I’ve been known to laugh out loud at the most random times).
Picture this: instead of stressing about getting on, imagine your horse climbing up the mounting block like it’s his turn to ride you. I laugh every time I picture that!
Or the fear of cantering? Turn it into a cartoon train. A goofy, colorful little engine chugging slowly up the hill—then WHEEEE down the other side. Does it have a lei around its smokestack? Funky paint? A goofy grin? The more vivid and silly, the better.
When you add laughter, fear loses its grip.
When you laugh, you reclaim your courage.
When you laugh, you reclaim your courage.
And when you need a little help keeping your train on the tracks of laughter and courage, Courage Coaching is here for you. Just like the clients who’ve gone before you, you can enjoy riding again—with joy, ease, and a whole lot more laughter.
