There I was, in the pasture—and I was terrified.
My off-the-track mare was aggressive, and I was timid.
The worst combination for horses and humans.
My off-the-track mare was aggressive, and I was timid.
The worst combination for horses and humans.
She bit me square in the back when I didn’t even know she was behind me.
She kicked another horse—who landed on me—twice.
She even bit my arm and tore the sleeve of my hoodie.
She kicked another horse—who landed on me—twice.
She even bit my arm and tore the sleeve of my hoodie.
I felt hopeless.
We had a vacation planned and some neighbor kids coming to care for the horses.
Something had to change—and fast.
Something had to change—and fast.
If you're feeling timid around your horse, or unaware of what's happening around you, here’s the truth:
You can’t afford to stay in that place.
But you can become the Lead Mare.
Step 1: Become the Lead Mare in Your Mind
Start with your energy. Think about the traits of a true Lead Mare:
- Calm
- Confident
- Strong presence
- Clear communication
- Mindfulness in the moment
She doesn’t shrink back. She knows what’s happening in her herd.
You can start with just one of these traits—practice it daily.
Or fill up with all of them at once. Walk taller. Speak with clarity.
Lead from within.
Or fill up with all of them at once. Walk taller. Speak with clarity.
Lead from within.
Step 2: Find Your "Ears, Tail, and Kick"—aka the Flag
Unlike horses, we don’t have ears to pin, tails to swish, or hooves to kick.
But we do have tools.
But we do have tools.
My favorite? A dressage whip with a plastic bag or flag on the end.
They became my body, my ears, my tail swish, and my kick—all in one.
They became my body, my ears, my tail swish, and my kick—all in one.
But here's the trick:
- Keep the flag down by your feet.
- Use your energy first.
- If that doesn't work, lift the flag just a little (like pinning ears).
- If still no response, wave it like a tail swish.
- Still nothing? WAVE IT MADLY like you mean it.
Exactly what a lead mare would do.
Step 3: Set Bigger Boundaries Than You Think You Need
This was the hardest—and most crucial—part for me.
At first, I had to be overly assertive to stay safe.
My boundary? A solid 50 feet.
If my mare even looked at me sideways, I waved that flag hard until she relaxed or turned away.
My boundary? A solid 50 feet.
If my mare even looked at me sideways, I waved that flag hard until she relaxed or turned away.
And the moment she did, I dropped the flag. Instant reward.
Over time, I allowed her closer—but only when she earned it with calm, respectful energy.
Over time, I allowed her closer—but only when she earned it with calm, respectful energy.
The wild part?
Once I became her clear, confident leader, she became kinder to the other horses too.
Once I became her clear, confident leader, she became kinder to the other horses too.
Final Thought:
We’re all guilty of trying to be nice… of not wanting to hurt our horse’s feelings.
But here’s the deal:
Wimpy energy creates dangerous horses.
Wimpy energy creates dangerous horses.
Don’t apologize for setting clear boundaries.
Don’t second-guess your strength.
Stand in your power, be clear, be fair—and lead like the mare you are.
Don’t second-guess your strength.
Stand in your power, be clear, be fair—and lead like the mare you are.
Want help stepping into your lead mare energy—and finding your calm?
Do you want to overcome anxiety with a little extra help?
Let’s explore breaking free from anxiety and stepping into calm, confident leadership—both in and out of the pasture.
Let’s explore breaking free from anxiety and stepping into calm, confident leadership—both in and out of the pasture.
I’ve helped clients with both courage coaching and hypnotherapy to overcome anxiety and enjoy life (and horses!) again.
Schedule your free Courage Chat now and take the first step toward finding your calm:
Courage Chat!
Courage Chat!
Sitting there in tears, realizing I had failed every New Year’s resolution I’d ever set, was one of the lowest moments of my life. Not one. Not a single resolution had I succeeded at. But somewhere through the tears, a different truth emerged—those resolutions weren’t what actually mattered to me.
What mattered... was happiness.
We were not designed to be failures. We were made to live, laugh, and experience joy. That realization led me to set a completely different kind of goal—one that changed my life forever: laugh 400 times a day. I set that goal over 30 years ago, and I’ve never looked back.
So, let me ask you—when was the last time you made your happiness a priority? Especially when it comes to riding. We get lost in fear, in anxiety, in “what ifs,” and forget why we ride in the first place—to connect, to feel joy, to remember our happy place.
Here’s my favorite way to rewire fear and find your courage again: turn fear into a cartoon.
Seriously. Take whatever small fear you’re facing—getting on your horse, trotting, cantering—and turn it into a silly image in your mind. No one else needs to know (though I’ve been known to laugh out loud at the most random times).
Picture this: instead of stressing about getting on, imagine your horse climbing up the mounting block like it’s his turn to ride you. I laugh every time I picture that!
Or the fear of cantering? Turn it into a cartoon train. A goofy, colorful little engine chugging slowly up the hill—then WHEEEE down the other side. Does it have a lei around its smokestack? Funky paint? A goofy grin? The more vivid and silly, the better.
When you add laughter, fear loses its grip.
When you laugh, you reclaim your courage.
When you laugh, you reclaim your courage.
And when you need a little help keeping your train on the tracks of laughter and courage, Courage Coaching is here for you. Just like the clients who’ve gone before you, you can enjoy riding again—with joy, ease, and a whole lot more laughter.
When I was getting back into trail riding, I pictured myself out there for an hour with friends, laughing and exploring the trails. But honestly? That vision felt like a giant elephant in the room—too big, too overwhelming. Just thinking about it made my anxiety spike. I wasn’t ready for the whole ride, and those big thoughts kept me stuck in place instead of inching forward.
Here’s the truth: momentum doesn’t come from huge leaps—it comes from tiny, doable shifts that stack up over time. Here are a few momentum hacks that can lead to BIG wins:
1. Break it down like a recipe.
If your goal is trail riding with friends, think of it like baking a cake. You don’t just say “cake” and expect it to appear—you gather ingredients, follow steps, and check the oven. The same goes for your riding goal. Gather your safety gear. Practice mounting and dismounting. Make sure you and your horse are confident at the walk, trot, and canter before you hit the trail. Use short rides to check where you’re at and fill in any gaps. These small steps build the confidence—and momentum—you need to get there.
2. Repeat until it's second nature.
Repetition is your secret weapon. The more you mount, ride, and dismount, the more effortless it becomes. You’ll uncover and fix the little things that might trip you up on the trail. By the time you're ready to go, your body (and your horse) will know exactly what to do.
3. Prepare for the "what ifs."
One small but powerful shift? Contingency planning. Many riders skip this step—and it’s a confidence killer. I had a fear of rearing, so I studied what others do, visualized it, and practiced my plan in a safe, controlled setting. I did the same with spooking, bucking, and bolting. This kind of mental prep builds trust in yourself and your horse—and keeps your momentum rolling forward.
One small but powerful shift? Contingency planning. Many riders skip this step—and it’s a confidence killer. I had a fear of rearing, so I studied what others do, visualized it, and practiced my plan in a safe, controlled setting. I did the same with spooking, bucking, and bolting. This kind of mental prep builds trust in yourself and your horse—and keeps your momentum rolling forward.
Small steps. Big wins. That’s how we ride forward—one shift at a time.
Here is a link to grab my Contingency Guide and catch up on what has worked for me! Contingency GUIDE!!!!
Friends often reach out and let me know they are ready to canter, they horse is ready to canter, but they mind is having none of it. Like many of you, our minds can run the show and rob us of our joy, whether it be riding horses, cantering, or just living life to the fullest, if we let it. I know I don't want to be that person, sipping tea on the front porch, looking back over my life and saying, "I didn't do the things I wanted to do!"
I believe we all have the ability to give the neigh sayer part of our mind a timeout, over in the corner, and bring the joy back into our lives with the happy part of our mind taking the lead.
But how?
Cantering is a great example. When some of us think about cantering, we can feel the tension, anxiety and fear build, almost immediately. That is our neigh sayer. So let's turn that around. We don't care if we ever canter. Fun side of the brain, how many ways can we trot? How can we get our horses balanced perfectly at the trot. Let's go faster and slower at the trot. How slow can we go for 10 strides and then how fast can we go for 10 strides. Can we feel a "10 speed" bike with our horse at trot, staring out slow and then a bit faster, then a bit faster and then a bit faster.
How many ways can we play at the trot. If we play enough at the trot, we will become much better riders. Our horses will become more balanced and tuned in to us. Eventually, as we are working on a well-balanced, fast trot, our horse will step into the canter. We can then CELEBRATE. We are cantering. Our horse is balanced. IT FEELS AMAZING!
Then, smile for a week!!!!
Whatever your boogey man is for you, canter, trot, getting on, whatever it is, have fun overcoming that challenge. It makes all the difference in the world!
Ready to turn your fear into cantering with a little help? Hypnotherapy can help you bring the fun side of your mind to the front, so fear no longer takes over. Let’s chat and see if it’s the right fit for you. Schedule a free chat today!
I spent many hours, thinking about the first ride back after my accident. The hindsight of knowing what went wrong added even more pressure to make sure everything was right for my first ride back. That pressure felt like I was going to boil over and it held me back from just getting on and riding.
Getting back on isn't about perfect. It is about being prepared, and then getting on the horse, riding a bit and figuring out what adjustments need to be made. We can all dream about the perfect first ride back and let it hold us back from actually having that first ride.
Here are the keys to getting back on:
Knowledge: Know you and your horse are ready. Know what you will do if you need to adjust for something unexpected.
Safety: Have your safety net in place. Whether it be helmet and vest, grab strap or other safety equipment, have what works for you as your safety net in place.
Help: For me, I use essential oils, Thieves for courage and Stress Away for calm and I have them on my wrists so my olafactory senses can calm my brain or give me courage if I need it. I make sure someone is close by in case I need help. (I never have anyone hold the horse to keep them still because that tells me the horse isn't ready!), I know some people love Rescue Remedy, a shot of alcoholic beverage, or CBD. Whatever gives you the little bit of help you need for the first time back.
Most important to remember, imperfection leads to amazing joy because it takes the worry of perfection out of the equation. Take the steps to mount up and ride your horse.
I am here to help you take that first step to getting on again if you would like. I have a 3 coaching session package tailored to take the steps to ride again. Click here to see if it would be a great fit to get you back in the saddle!
