I had failed every new year’s resolution I had ever set. I felt the deep feelings of failure, like I was being sucked into the quicksand with no way out. Looking back, the roadblocks that held me back from success were multifaceted, physical, mental, and unexpected.
Many of us have experienced roadblocks that hindered our progress towards our goals. The good thing about roadblocks is that they can provide an opportunity for all of us to grow and learn.
Physical roadblocks are perhaps the most obvious type. I had everything from being tired and sick, to having to travel for work and allowing that to hold me back. While physical roadblocks can be difficult to overcome, they can also inspire creativity and innovation. Imagine solving all your physical issues in the next month! What would be the first physical issue you would overcome? Put a plan in place to overcome. For me, I made the decision I wanted to feel good and so I figured out how to feel good.
Mental roadblocks can be more challenging to identify, as they are often internal and subjective. I had lots of mental challenges with my goals. This was the biggest aha for me. It really wasn’t about the actions I was focused on; it was about how I wanted to feel if I accomplished the goals. Have you really thought about how you want to feel? It feels so good when you truly look at how you want to feel and figure out what you need to adjust to bring that feeling into your life, moment by moment.
Some ways to feel better include using positive “What If’s” and visualization of the amazing world you have all around you. The more we immerse ourselves in an amazing world like we did as a kid, and feel it, the faster it becomes reality.
Unexpected challenges are perhaps the most difficult type of roadblock to overcome. While these roadblocks can be devastating, they can also provide an opportunity for resilience and adaptation. The crazy thing about unexpected challenges is the revealing of our strengths, and our weaknesses. By capturing these, we can focus on building our strengths and mitigate our weaknesses.
Roadblocks are an inevitable part of the journey towards achieving our goals. While they can be frustrating and demotivating, they can also provide an opportunity for growth and learning. It is often the challenges and roadblocks that we encounter that ultimately make us stronger and more resilient.
In just 7 days, you can feel better and start knocking your roadblocks out of your way with the practice of mindfulness!!! Get my free guide here!
After 60 seconds of terror, left me searching for how to find the 1000's of hours of joy in the saddle again, I knew I had to find how to regain confidence. This type of experience can leave you feeling unsure and scared to get back in the saddle, but with the right mindset and approach, it is possible to overcome these feelings. We all have different situations, but we share the love of feeling the horse moving under us as one. That joy can be brought back to life.
It takes a lot of courage to admit that you are struggling and seek advice on how to move forward. So, give yourself credit for recognizing the challenge and taking steps to overcome it. Starting the journey can be the hardest part.
One suggestion is to start slowly, one step at a time. This may mean spending time in a non-riding capacity, such as ground play. This can help you build trust and a positive relationship again.
The second suggestion would be to prepare to ride. Make sure you and the horse are ready to take those first steps together again. There is no timeframe, you and your horse get to pick when you are both ready.
The third suggestion would be to start small. Mine first ride was 4 steps. I can do anything for 4 steps. Pick something really easy.
Additionally, it may be helpful to have someone with you as you begin to ride again. There isn't anything wrong with having someone lead you. An amazing Grand Prix dressage trainer, Alicia Dickenson has someone lead her the first few times she hacks a new off the track horse for additional safety. If she can do it, we can all have permission to do it too!
It is important to remember that everyone's experience with trauma is unique, and there is no right or wrong way to approach the process of regaining confidence. Take things at your own pace, and don't push yourself too hard. With patience, support, and a positive attitude, it is possible to overcome this challenge.
Lastly, don't hesitate to reach out if you need any further support or guidance. Your safety and well-being should always come first. Remember that you are not alone in this, and there are people who are willing to help you every step of the way.
I am happy to help you put together a plan if you would like to schedule a 30-minute coaching to get you started. Just click here to get it on my calendar!
The hour ride in the ambulance, knowing I wasn't going to make it, was the longest hour ever. It was such a beautiful day, and having a horse get bit by a black widow and then flip over on me was just completely crazy. It was my first camping trip with horses and I had been so excited. I made so many mistakes and looking back at that, I can fix the mistakes that caused the accident. It was an accident that was 100% preventable.
This gives me confidence that I can prepare and not go through it again. But how? How to get back on the horse?
Here are my four must haves:
1. A pre-ride checklist, for me and for the horse. All the check boxes have to be YES before I proceed. If any one is not ok, I do what will fix it before proceeding. (You can get a copy of the checklists here if you would like to see mine!)
2. I must have all the safety equipment that helps me feel safe. I use a life jacket because it fits me great but probably isn't as good as a horse-riding vest. I always wear a helmet and boots. My tack is always checked to make sure it is in good working order.
3. I use CBD for the first rides back. It works to stop the shakes. I believe it isn't fair to the horse to have to carry my fear. I need to do something to alleviate the fear while I get my courage back and CBD works for me.
4. I have a PLAN. For me, it is to get on and take 4 steps. Stop and re-evaluate. I can do 4 steps. For me, it was important to not just get on and get back off. It was important to take those first steps. With everything else in place, the 4 steps worked out great!
If you would like help with any of the steps to getting back on the horse, I am happy to talk you through your first plan.
You can put some time on my calendar if that would be of interest to you! Put Your Plan TOGETHER!
Wow, I was shocked. I could not have guessed that the average age for riders is over 40. There are so many reasons for this but still, it shocked me.
When I was growing up, there were 20 or 30 kids to every adult at the barns I rode at. Actually, I only knew a couple of adults that even rode at all. It was all of us crazy horse kids.
The classes at the shows for the juniors were 20 - 50 per class, which were usually grouped in 1 or 2 years per group. For the adults, it was 18 - 35 and 35 and over and they only had a maximum of 20 in their classes for the huge age range.
Why are kids not riding any more? I would love to hear your thoughts and if there things we can do.
Here are my thoughts:
1. The kids these days are really into the electronics. Our granddaughters were here and mostly played on youtube and creating their own videos (which is amazing!). I had one that wanted to come feed but really didn't want to spend a lot of time with the horses. I would have spent every minute with the horses when I was her age.
2. Horses cost more these days then they did when I was a kid. I worked to save up and bought my first pony when I was 5 and I was able to work to take care of some of the bills. I worked and worked to pay for the horses. I am not sure kids these days will make it happen like I did.
3. There are so many organized sports that take up a lot of time and they don't have the time to just enjoy horses.
Are there things we can do to engage the kids more? What if a bunch of us created a facebook group, to encourage kids to have those horse crazy pony dreams again? What if we partnered with local youth centers?
I don't know the answers but I know I was shocked at the average age being so high.
What do you guys think? I would love to hear your thoughts if you would like to reply.
One day, he slapped me. I actually laughed! The physical pain of him slapping me was so much less than all the pain I had suffered from my own thoughts. Two years of believing he would kill my family if I didn't stay with him. I had no doubt he would kill them, and my thoughts had robbed me of a lot of joy. I lived in terror that my secret would be found out. I lived a dual life. One that everyone else saw, and one that I kept hidden, fearing that my whole family would be dead if anyone found out I was his hostage.
I finally forgave him. That was the easy part. I understood where he came from and why he did what he did out of his own fear. That I could forgive. That felt good. That felt like a huge burden had been lifted, but it wasn't the end of the forgiveness.
I still felt the burden of the memories, hanging out with me. One day I realized, I needed to forgive me! I needed to forgive me for letting that happen. For not having the courage to stand up to it. I had to forgive myself for holding onto terror for two years when a mere slap pulled me out of it. Really, a slap was enough to stop the terror I had been holding inside of me?
Here are the things I did to forgive myself:
1. RECOGNITION: I recognized that I carried the feeling with me that I needed to forgive. The feelings that I had let myself down. That I had not been strong enough. That I had not been ENOUGH.
2. CELEBRATION: I celebrated that I had gotten out of it. That time didn't matter, that I had figured it out. I celebrated that! Celebration feels so good.
3. FORGIVE ME: This had to be an action. I wrote down my forgiveness. I pictured that young lady, walking with God, and God forgiving me and hugging me. I then pictured me, as I am now, hugging that young lady, telling her how proud I was of her, for doing what she needed to do. For taking care of herself and her family. Telling her how proud I was that she forgave the man that terrorized her. Then, I gave her permission to forgive herself. In this moment, of hugging her, I knew that the forgiveness was complete, and I was strong and whole again. I was ENOUGH. I was FORGIVEN.
Have you thought about things you have forgiven others for but forgot to forgive yourself? For those of us with horses, there is so much we can do before we know better that can be hard to forgive ourselves for. I know I had a number of things. As things come up, take them one by one, and go back to that person you were and forgive them, in that moment.
Sometimes, we can get caught up in the past. If you just need a break and want a few ideas to feel like you are a kid again, here is my free 5 keys to feeling like a kid again!
