I remember taking my backyard hunter—the one my parents bought for me for a fraction of what most horses at the show cost—and competing against kids whose parents were paying 100 times more. In the hunter ring, that kind of thing matters. Sure, I could give my horse a great ride, but he didn’t have the natural form or movement that would win the class… or even place in most.
What’s really wild? We were paying money to be judged.
But that experience gave me something priceless: a foundation for not caring what others think. I learned to celebrate the rides that felt great, and to reflect and improve after the ones that didn’t. It taught me to accept being judged—and let it go.
Now, years later, I hear so many friends talk about how judgment—whether direct or indirect—gets under their skin. They stress about their hair, clothes, fitting in, or looking “just right.” That feeling of being judged eats at them.
But here’s the thing: it doesn’t have to be that way. Life isn’t about anyone else—it’s about you.
My Top 3 Tips to Stop Feeling Judged
1. Write down what makes you unique.
Take 30 minutes and list all the ways you’re different from everyone you know. No two people are the same. When you truly embrace what makes you unique, other people’s opinions start to matter a whole lot less.
Take 30 minutes and list all the ways you’re different from everyone you know. No two people are the same. When you truly embrace what makes you unique, other people’s opinions start to matter a whole lot less.
2. Use this mental trick from T. Harv Eker.
The next time you feel judged, try saying this silently to yourself (not out loud—it’s not about them):
"Good morning. I don’t give a BLEEP what you think!"
You can make “bleep” whatever you want. The key is this: feeling judged isn’t about them—it’s about how grounded you feel in being you, no matter what.
The next time you feel judged, try saying this silently to yourself (not out loud—it’s not about them):
"Good morning. I don’t give a BLEEP what you think!"
You can make “bleep” whatever you want. The key is this: feeling judged isn’t about them—it’s about how grounded you feel in being you, no matter what.
3. Find your flower and let it bloom.
Pick one thing that makes you different and celebrate it. I like to think of a garden—no two flowers are the same. Some are bright, some are wild, and some have a petal or two missing. But they all open to the sun. I love the image of a slightly flawed flower shining anyway, saying, “I may be imperfect, but here I am!”
For me, it’s laughing—a lot. Like, 400 times a day, even when it’s probably not appropriate. (Yes, even in church. 😅)
Pick one thing that makes you different and celebrate it. I like to think of a garden—no two flowers are the same. Some are bright, some are wild, and some have a petal or two missing. But they all open to the sun. I love the image of a slightly flawed flower shining anyway, saying, “I may be imperfect, but here I am!”
For me, it’s laughing—a lot. Like, 400 times a day, even when it’s probably not appropriate. (Yes, even in church. 😅)
Now it’s your turn.
What’s one thing that makes you unique—and how are you going to embrace it? I’d love to hear. Reply and let me know!
What’s one thing that makes you unique—and how are you going to embrace it? I’d love to hear. Reply and let me know!
If you’ve ever sat in the saddle and suddenly felt your chest tighten, your thoughts race, or your brain says, “what if something goes wrong?”—you’re not alone.
Confidence in riding doesn’t come from perfect weather, the right boots, or a well-behaved horse (though those do help!). It comes from how we handle the thoughts that pop up—especially the ones that make us doubt ourselves.
What’s the secret to building real riding confidence?
It starts with recognizing that self-doubt doesn’t mean something is wrong.
It often means you’re growing, stretching, or returning to riding after a setback.
That inner dialogue—the one that whispers things like:
- “You’re not ready.”
- “You’re not as good as other riders.”
- “You should just give up.”
...isn’t proof you’re failing. It’s proof that your brain is trying to protect you from a perceived threat—even if the “threat” is just looking less than perfect.
But confidence isn’t about silencing the inner critic forever.
It’s about not giving it the reins.
It’s about not giving it the reins.
Here are 3 practical ways to build your riding confidence:
- Name your inner critic—and then disagree with it.
Give it a silly name. Hear what it says and answer back with truth. "Thanks Nerdie, but I AM ready for this!" - Visualize successful rides.
Your brain doesn’t know the difference between imagined success and real experience. Visualizing calm, smooth rides helps your nervous system believe they’re possible—and gets you one step closer. - Celebrate courage, not just outcomes.
Rode for 10 minutes even when you were nervous? That’s courage.
Mounted up after a long break? That’s courage.
Confidence is built in these small, brave moments—not in perfection.
Every rider—even the most experienced—has moments of doubt. The key is learning to ride with the doubt.
Want more support letting go of self-doubt and reconnecting with your confidence?
Tune into the latest podcast episode: Your Inner Critic Doesn’t Get to Ride: Listen Here!
Tune into the latest podcast episode: Your Inner Critic Doesn’t Get to Ride: Listen Here!
Let’s keep riding forward—one confident step at a time.
Sitting there in tears, realizing I had failed every New Year’s resolution I’d ever set, was one of the lowest moments of my life. Not one. Not a single resolution had I succeeded at. But somewhere through the tears, a different truth emerged—those resolutions weren’t what actually mattered to me.
What mattered... was happiness.
We were not designed to be failures. We were made to live, laugh, and experience joy. That realization led me to set a completely different kind of goal—one that changed my life forever: laugh 400 times a day. I set that goal over 30 years ago, and I’ve never looked back.
So, let me ask you—when was the last time you made your happiness a priority? Especially when it comes to riding. We get lost in fear, in anxiety, in “what ifs,” and forget why we ride in the first place—to connect, to feel joy, to remember our happy place.
Here’s my favorite way to rewire fear and find your courage again: turn fear into a cartoon.
Seriously. Take whatever small fear you’re facing—getting on your horse, trotting, cantering—and turn it into a silly image in your mind. No one else needs to know (though I’ve been known to laugh out loud at the most random times).
Picture this: instead of stressing about getting on, imagine your horse climbing up the mounting block like it’s his turn to ride you. I laugh every time I picture that!
Or the fear of cantering? Turn it into a cartoon train. A goofy, colorful little engine chugging slowly up the hill—then WHEEEE down the other side. Does it have a lei around its smokestack? Funky paint? A goofy grin? The more vivid and silly, the better.
When you add laughter, fear loses its grip.
When you laugh, you reclaim your courage.
When you laugh, you reclaim your courage.
And when you need a little help keeping your train on the tracks of laughter and courage, Courage Coaching is here for you. Just like the clients who’ve gone before you, you can enjoy riding again—with joy, ease, and a whole lot more laughter.
When I was getting back into trail riding, I pictured myself out there for an hour with friends, laughing and exploring the trails. But honestly? That vision felt like a giant elephant in the room—too big, too overwhelming. Just thinking about it made my anxiety spike. I wasn’t ready for the whole ride, and those big thoughts kept me stuck in place instead of inching forward.
Here’s the truth: momentum doesn’t come from huge leaps—it comes from tiny, doable shifts that stack up over time. Here are a few momentum hacks that can lead to BIG wins:
1. Break it down like a recipe.
If your goal is trail riding with friends, think of it like baking a cake. You don’t just say “cake” and expect it to appear—you gather ingredients, follow steps, and check the oven. The same goes for your riding goal. Gather your safety gear. Practice mounting and dismounting. Make sure you and your horse are confident at the walk, trot, and canter before you hit the trail. Use short rides to check where you’re at and fill in any gaps. These small steps build the confidence—and momentum—you need to get there.
2. Repeat until it's second nature.
Repetition is your secret weapon. The more you mount, ride, and dismount, the more effortless it becomes. You’ll uncover and fix the little things that might trip you up on the trail. By the time you're ready to go, your body (and your horse) will know exactly what to do.
3. Prepare for the "what ifs."
One small but powerful shift? Contingency planning. Many riders skip this step—and it’s a confidence killer. I had a fear of rearing, so I studied what others do, visualized it, and practiced my plan in a safe, controlled setting. I did the same with spooking, bucking, and bolting. This kind of mental prep builds trust in yourself and your horse—and keeps your momentum rolling forward.
One small but powerful shift? Contingency planning. Many riders skip this step—and it’s a confidence killer. I had a fear of rearing, so I studied what others do, visualized it, and practiced my plan in a safe, controlled setting. I did the same with spooking, bucking, and bolting. This kind of mental prep builds trust in yourself and your horse—and keeps your momentum rolling forward.
Small steps. Big wins. That’s how we ride forward—one shift at a time.
Here is a link to grab my Contingency Guide and catch up on what has worked for me! Contingency GUIDE!!!!
Friends often reach out and let me know they are ready to canter, they horse is ready to canter, but they mind is having none of it. Like many of you, our minds can run the show and rob us of our joy, whether it be riding horses, cantering, or just living life to the fullest, if we let it. I know I don't want to be that person, sipping tea on the front porch, looking back over my life and saying, "I didn't do the things I wanted to do!"
I believe we all have the ability to give the neigh sayer part of our mind a timeout, over in the corner, and bring the joy back into our lives with the happy part of our mind taking the lead.
But how?
Cantering is a great example. When some of us think about cantering, we can feel the tension, anxiety and fear build, almost immediately. That is our neigh sayer. So let's turn that around. We don't care if we ever canter. Fun side of the brain, how many ways can we trot? How can we get our horses balanced perfectly at the trot. Let's go faster and slower at the trot. How slow can we go for 10 strides and then how fast can we go for 10 strides. Can we feel a "10 speed" bike with our horse at trot, staring out slow and then a bit faster, then a bit faster and then a bit faster.
How many ways can we play at the trot. If we play enough at the trot, we will become much better riders. Our horses will become more balanced and tuned in to us. Eventually, as we are working on a well-balanced, fast trot, our horse will step into the canter. We can then CELEBRATE. We are cantering. Our horse is balanced. IT FEELS AMAZING!
Then, smile for a week!!!!
Whatever your boogey man is for you, canter, trot, getting on, whatever it is, have fun overcoming that challenge. It makes all the difference in the world!
Ready to turn your fear into cantering with a little help? Hypnotherapy can help you bring the fun side of your mind to the front, so fear no longer takes over. Let’s chat and see if it’s the right fit for you. Schedule a free chat today!
