I was sitting there with my aunt to get our ears pierced, I was eleven years old and my aunt was too afraid to go alone so she gave me earrings for Christmas so we could go together. I am not a needle person. I didn't want pierced ears. I was terrified but I knew I had to buck up and be brave for her. And I did it! I got my ears pierced! I didn't die, I survived and it was a cherished memory.
Then disaster struck with the whole earring thing. What do you mean turn them every day? What do you mean take them out and put them back in? What do you mean change them out? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????
I know this sound ridiculous, and often times fear seems ridiculous to everyone around us, they don't get it, they don't have our fear. This process, taught me how to find courage. How to take little steps, day after day to build courage. This taught me that yes, courage is a skill, that can be learned.
It took months. My dad had to turn my earrings and put the rubbing alcohol on them. After a few weeks, I was able to turn them, if I was laying down on the bed. My dad had to take them out and put them back in. After a few weeks, I could take the backs off. A few more weeks, I could pull them out. A few more months and I could put them back in and put the back on. Now, it is second nature.
Like many of you, we have areas of our life that are held back by fear. We can choose to learn how to have courage, or to let fear hold us back. We can choose to take the little tiny baby steps that are just out of our comfort zone, one little step at a time to learn courage. We get to overcome our fears, if we choose to. Think about courage as a learned skill. If you can learn anything, you can learn courage.
If you would like some help with learning courage, get my free guide, 6 Steps to Making Better Choices.
Hindsight is 20/20 right? Looking back over my horse accidents, I would say they were all preventable. I know that isn't the case with all horse accidents but in my case, all of them were preventable. Looking back at your accidents, are there things that if you had done them different, you would have had a different outcome.
Unexpected surprise: A great example is the horse in the Disney parade that gets a balloon wrapped around his hind leg and panics. This 100% could have been prevented. The handlers were checked out, just going through the motions of leading the horse, instead of keeping their eyes open and staying focused on the horse. If they had been aware, they would have seen the balloon. Even if they had not seen it, they could have refocused the horse and gotten the balloon off the leg.
What to do: Stay aware, don't check out. I love to play "I Spy" with my horse. This keeps me engaged and makes it fun.
Comfort zone: I competed in a 4' jumper class that was beyond me. I was so excited to be riding in the big ring, until I walked the course. The fences were HUGE. I knew I was not ready. My trainer told me to do it anyway. I froze. Jumping big fences is not the time to freeze. My wonderful horse did his job with a lump sitting on him. I fell off over one of those fences.
What to do: Don't let others push your out of your comfort zone. You decide when you want to move out of your comfort zone. It is like deciding to run and you run a mile. You get excited and run a marathon that weekend. Horse riding isn't any different. I love Warwick Schillers saying to play Donkey Kong. You go a bit, and then start over and go a little bit further, repeat.
Preparation: My big accident happened because I didn't have a pre-ride checklist. I know without a doubt if I had tuned into the horse while tacking him up, I would not have gotten on. He was in pain. He was tense. He had been bit by a black widow and I had no clue.
What to do: Develop your pre-ride checklist for you and your horse! It is different for everyone, but just like a pilot, going around and checking the plane. Check yourself, check your horse, check your tack.
Really think about any accidents you have had and see if you could have prevented it. They are not all preventable but a lot of them are. That gives us confidence! We know we can prevent the things that happen.
Here is a link to my pre-ride checklists if you would like a copy!
When I saw the horse flipping over on top of me, the feeling of falling and seeing that he was going to crush me, left me mentally in much worse shape than I was physically. The fear hung out with me like a dear friend. Like many of you, we have things happen that we cannot control, and the fear remains, long after the danger has passed.
Honor your fear or it will explode to get your attention.
This can be so hard to learn. We are taught to push down our fear, just buck up and do it, get on with it, and we end up feeling so alone in our fear. That feeling that nobody else understands. The hardest part is realizing that we can't just push that fear down. We can honor that fear, the precious fear that is just trying to keep us safe. It means well. It is doing its job. It doesn't know that we are no longer in danger and can make different decisions.
You might be wondering how. Here are my three tips for honoring your fear and returning to joy:
1. Really say thank you to your fear. Feel that it has helped you to stay safe. Take some time with this and let your feelings flow. If you enjoy journaling, put it down on paper. If you are like me and writing isn't your thing, close your eyes and just really breath into the fear, feel gratitude, feel yourself saying thank you.
2. When you start to feel the fear come up, practice amazing "What If's". There isn't anything that says we have to stay in negative what if's. We can pick and choose new ones, ones that fill us up with passion, desire, and joy!
3. Use tools. Whether it be checklists, breathing techniques, calming oils, CBD, preparation, music, or something else. Find out what works for you. Tools have such a bad stigma but really they can help us keep fear at bay and really let it know that we have this, we are good, and not in danger.
If you would like a little help on your "What if's", here is a short video on my thoughts and a little challenge! Click here.
I went 15 years without falling and then competing in a big jumper class, I fell off over a jump. I was talking to my young friend about it and she realized, the last time I had fallen was before she was born and we just paused, and really connected in that moment. We all have the chance of falling or having an accident of any kind, may not even involve horses.
Fortunately, horses have the remarkable ability to help us conquer this fear and unlock our true potential. Let's explore how horses enable us to overcome the fear of falling and discover a new level of self-confidence.
1. Building Trust and Connection:
Horses are known for their intuitive nature and ability to form strong bonds with humans. When working with horses, we learn that trust is the foundation of any successful relationship. Through patient and consistent interaction, we develop a deep sense of trust with these majestic creatures. This trust-building process helps us overcome our fear of falling, as it allows us to relinquish control and rely on the strength and stability of the horse.
2. Developing Balance and Coordination:
Riding a horse requires a certain degree of balance and coordination. As we navigate the challenges of riding, we not only physically learn how to stay centered and in control but also mentally build the confidence needed to face the fear of falling. Horses teach us to embrace our body's natural power and work together in harmony to maintain balance, thus empowering us to overcome the fear that restricts our growth. They also encourage us to improve our health to be better riders!
3. Enhancing Self-Awareness:
Horses possess an ability to mirror our emotions and behavior, providing immediate feedback on our actions. Through this awareness, we can address and work through these emotions, gradually building our self-confidence in the face of falling. Courage pennies is a great way to track this amazing process of gaining courage! Soak up pennies every time you feel confident and use a penny or two when you have fear creap in. It is just a good visual to help!
4. Learning to Trust One's Intuition:
Horse riders begin to tap into their intuitive senses—gut feelings and instinctive responses to different situations. Trusting our intuition is crucial for overcoming the fear of falling, especially using this before we get on. Making sure everything with us and our horse is just right. It enables us to make split-second decisions and respond effectively. As we become more attuned to our intuition, we gain a deep sense of self-trust and confidence, further bolstering our ability to manage the fear of falling.
If you haven't read my book on getting over fear, it is a great process that helps anyone facing fear, know what steps to take to find courage again! You can get it here: Rise from Fear to COURAGE!
Sitting on the mounting block, tears streaming down my face, my beautiful horse, just breathing into me as I once again couldn't get on. I let fear hold me back from riding my beautiful girl. This wasn't the first time, but it was the defining time.
We were moving to Kentucky with property to ride on and I was terrified to ride outside the arena. My passion was to ride and yet, I was letting fear hold me back from hours of joy. Like many of you, whether it is something happened to cause your fear or the fear just crept in, the joy that is taken from us can't be replaced, it is gone forever.
I believe we were put here on earth to enjoy life and not only conquer our fears, but to help others conquer their fears as well.
Using a system, is a great key to success and you can conquer your fear too. Whether the fear is internal fear like fear of success, or external fear, like riding a horse, the system can be used to conquer either.
There are a number of steps in the system, but my favorite was to prepare for success. Creating a pre-flight checklist, like a pilot looking over a plane before flying was so much fun! I created one for me, and one for the horse. Imagine looking at what your fear, and creating the perfect checklist to know you are safe and don't need to worry about the fear, just like that pilot that feels safe heading down the runway at top speed to leap into the air like a bird.
There are a number of steps in the process but this one, creating a checklist will get you started on your way to feeling great about bringing that joy back into your life.
For more information on the entire system, you can read my journey, and learn the process in my book, Rise from Fear to Courage!
