It was a warm day, riding along, enjoying our horses, when all of a sudden, a hot air balloon comes up over the horizon. It is about 50 feet from us and is loud. I had no idea how loud a balloon can be when they are heating the air. I jumped at the sight of the balloon! My horse and I panicked and ran the other direction. This was a case where my fear definitely contributed to the horse's fear! It took both of us a while to calm our heart rate and for me to stop shaking.
Let's look at this from hindsight and what I know now.
After attending a police clinic training, I don't think I would have panicked. My horse still might have, but I don't think I would have. The first thing they talked about, was focusing on where you are going, about a hundred feet ahead of you and ride to that spot. At about the 50 foot mark, adjust your focus out to 100 feet again and repeat. I think by focusing on where you are heading, your horse has confidence in you as a leader that you know where you are going. I have started playing "I spy" with my horses and it is really fun and helps me focus.
I believe that if I had been focusing that day, and not just dilly dallying around, we would not have spooked. So, if my fear contributes to a horses fear, I am going to also say, that my confidence builds confidence in the horse and the horse's confidence in me as leader. For horses, the leader is who keeps them from dying, keeps them safe. It is that way for us too, but we may not recognize it.
Does Rider Confidence help Horse Confidence? I would say yes, it really does help.
If you have enjoyed this and would like a few tips on how I built my confidence, check out my 3 Ways to Build Courage with Your Horse!
That feeling of just keeping our head above water, like we are going to sink at any moment, can be worse for those of us with horses. They are an expensive passion. The fear of vet bills to care for our furry friends. The anxiety of maybe having our job go away. All of this stress and anxiety can affect our horses.
We may not realize it, but when we go see our horses, if we take that financial anxiety with us, they can feel it. They don't understand it. They understand that it is anxiety and we are stressed and their life depends on recognizing stress. I think anxiety could be one of the reasons horses shut down, to protect themselves from all the anxiety that is overwhelming to them. The opposite ones are the ones that get really spooky, looking for what the heck we are afraid of. Where is it? They don't see it.
So, how do I deal with anxiety over finances?
First and foremost, I know in my heart that God will provide. I have always believed this. It is how I got my first pony when I was five, that my family didn't have the money for. I believed God would provide a pony and I had a pony. During times of trouble, where I didn't have the money to make it to the end of the month, I trusted. A random check would show up in the mail that perfectly covered the rest of the months bills, or I would get a job offer that was just perfect.
The second thing was implementing a system for my finances. I tried a bunch of programs but the one that worked for me was T. Harv Eker. His system worked amazing, and I was able to build a cushion and pay off all my bad debt. Yes, there is good debt. It is debt that earns you money.
The third thing was talking to others, especially horse people that were making it happen and had the life I wanted. How did they do it? Having honest conversations with others that were where I wanted to be really helped.
When I go see my horses, I leave the anxieties I have behind. I don't carry them with me to the horses. It isn't fair to them.
My free guide, The Ghosts of Anxiety - Past, Present, and Future, might help a little more if this resonated with you.
This is a GREAT question. Think about it, do we ask, how do you drive a car safely? Or, how do we walk down stairs safely? Or, how do we walk through the shopping mall safely? All of these things can be dangerous but we don't ask all the time about their safety. I think because riding a horse, is an agreement and a partnership between two beings, it is a little more daunting but really, driving a car is an agreement with all the other drivers if you think about it.
So, there are things we can do to improve our safety riding. First of all, mentally, we need to be ready to ride. Think about going to the shopping mall with your friend, and the entire time, she is worried about being robbed, that person doesn't look nice, what if that person has a gun, etc. You would be a stressed mess and not enjoy it. We do this to our horses when we are not mentally in a good spot to ride. There are so many exercises we can do to get our mind right, before getting on our horses (and I love using CBD under my tongue to also help just take the edge off, to see the one I use, just click here),
We need to make sure our horses are ready to enjoy a nice ride. I have created some pre-ride checklists, like a pilot checking out a plane for flight, to make sure our horses are ready and look for signs that we may need to make a different decision. If we can have bad days, our horses can too! I also love to put a big pile of hay in front of my horses while I groom and tack up. A full stomach keeps their stomach acid from sloshing while riding so they want to be ridden the next time. If it always hurts when you are ridden, you wouldn't want to do it again.
When we go to get on our horse, are they standing quietly, waiting for us to get on? This is a big one! If they are not super quiet and relaxed, I don't get on, ever. We work through what is causing their worry and stress. It may mean I don't ride that day. I think the best thing we can do for our horses, is to always give them a choice. A partnership is about agreement of both parties and our horse deserves that respect from us.
If you enjoyed this, I did do a short video talking about it too!
What if we turn it around from how do I stop obsessing over what if, to how do I obsess over amazing what if's? There are a lot of times we worry and stress about what might happen, what could happen in a bad way, the worst-case scenario. Nobody says we have to stay in the negative mind yuck.
Let's change our what ifs around to the best possible outcomes. The amazing things that we want. Fill ourselves up with what ifs that support our dreams and become our reality. This was more powerful that I could have imagined. I first wrote down the main yucky what ifs that were stuck in my head when I would think about riding. I looked at them from the root. For me, it was not being in control. Surprise, that shows up in other areas of my life too! How could I change it around to what ifs that let me be in control?
I just dove in. What if my ride is relaxing and we enjoy every minute? What if I feel the rhythm of my horses' feet and we are in sync for the entire ride? What if we get to see amazing things, feel the sun on our backs and the breeze on our cheeks. The more I wrote down the what if's the filled me with joy, the more I felt good. The less room there was for anxiety and fear. I wrote down 10, powerful what if's and practiced them 5 times a day for 7 days. WOW. I could hardly remember the original what if's that had caused so much stress. They had faded. The more I fill up with great, amazing what if's, the more the yuck fades. The best part, my horses seem to feel the shift in me, they are more attentive and in tune. They want to be with me instead of running from me.
If you would like to see a short mini-course I did on creating better what if's, just click here!
Well, we really don't want fear to go away. We want to make sure we are using it wisely! Here are a few things to do in 2023 to help your fear help you, instead of controlling you. Get your life back to joy.
First of all, we need our fear to keep us safe, if it is real fear that is. It is our minds tool to pay attention, look around us, and make sure we are safe. It is our opportunity to be in the moment and do what needs to be done. This fear, real fear, we will practice recognizing in 2023. Keep a journal and write down when you have real fear. Example would be riding along and having a snake show up in your path. You have to take immediate action. Practice noticing this real fear and keep track. It will be a lot less than you "IMAGINE" it to be.
Secondly, imaginary fear. We need to turn this around to feelings of joy and happiness! It is our mind thinking that we are in danger, and probably playing a story, over and over, in our head, of danger! Also in your journal, write these down. Recognize them. You will see repeats. Example would be you are thinking of going for a ride, you start to have your palms get sweaty and you stop. You think about what is causing it and it might be that your horse might rear. That is my go-to. It is really a fear of falling off and getting hurt. My mind and body go into panic mode. Write these down in your journal!
As you see patterns, rewrite them. For my example, I would write My horse and I had a lovely ride. It was warm and rhythmical. I could feel the relaxation in myself and in my horse. Really spend some time feeling the feelings. It won't take long and when your mind starts to go to the imaginary fear, your brain will say, oh, I know what to do, let's go to that good feeling place we have created!
Now, for my really exciting 2023 news, I am opening up some coaching spots for a few people that would like help, overcoming their fear and turning it into joy. Reply to this email that you want COACHING AND JOY, and we can have a chat and see if it is a good fit for you and get you on the waiting list!
