The anxiety and fear are gripping. The sweaty palms, the shortness of breath, the butterflies (or worse) in the tummy. Those feelings that come up when thinking about riding your horse, they feel insurmountable. They suck the joy right out of riding.
So how do you know if you should enjoy your horses and not focus on riding them anymore? I hear the question so often, "I am not sure I want to ride any more".
First of all, this comes with so much stigma. What will others think? This is an easy one for me but not easy for everyone. I learned a long time ago that my horse and my relationship with my horse must always come first. There were so many times, I would hear what others said, and do what they said even though it didn't feel right to me. It took almost wrecking one of my horses to snap me out of caring what others think (which I talk about in my video blog if you want to know more). I now, take what others say, say thank you, and then see how it feels for me and either try it or not, based on my horse and myself. Where horses are concerned, this is so important, others don't know your horse like you do.
Secondly, there is so much that goes into the relationship with your horse. To put it mildly, your horse doesn't really have being ridden as a priority. Their priorities are food, shelter, water, and surviving. The riding, if they enjoy it, is a bonus. I have one horse that clearly does not want to be ridden, at least at this point in her life. I will honor that until she lets me know she wants to be ridden. We can have an amazing partnership with our horses and never again get on their back. I personally LOVE trail hiking with my one that does not want to be ridden and she loves it too! You can find things that fill you and your horse up without riding.
Thirdly, and probably the hardest part in this decision is the cost of owning a horse. We rationalize the cost with the joy of riding and/or competing. This is a hard one for some people (and usually spouses or significant others) to understand. How can you spend that much and not ride? This is so very personal for each person. I know for me; I made the decision to ride. Not for financial reasons but for the joy of partnering with the horse as one, like a kid sitting on the shoulders of dad. The balance, the dance, the oneness is important to me. So, I have two horses that love to be ridden. And I just dance on the ground with the one that doesn't want to ride.
These are just three of the big things, for me, in the decision to ride or not to ride. The most important thing is you and your horses being happy and healthy and how that happens is a creation you two get to make together. If you would like to ride again and are not sure where to start, I created a self-paced virtual clinic that follows my process to riding again and you can get more details here if interested. Rise From Fear to Courage Virtual Clinic
I normally write about fear and courage, mixed in with a little horse or rider health, but in the last few days, a number of "UNKIND" situations have come across my path in the horse world and I feel compelled to say a few things that are from my heart. There are two sides to every coin, and every story so I am going to try and give my thoughts from a "whole" perspective.
First of all, my perspective. I have been that "PERSON" that was rude, that made a bad comment, that spoke out of line. I have to tell you that when I realized it, either at the time, or later, it made me very sad. I was sad that I could be mean, and I was sad that I inflicted that on another person.
Most recently, there was a person asking about feed and not realizing it at the time, my comment was very CONDESCENDING. Thankfully, the admins of the group, caught it and deleted it and issued me a warning. I share this because there were some lessons in it for me. I now, re-read comments I am making, from the perspective of the person I am intending to receive the comment. What I have realized is that I have very strong opinions and I don't take other people’s feelings into consideration nearly as much as I thought I did! Am I getting better, yes, do I still make mistakes, YES.
What this shows is that we don't always know what the person saying (or writing) the comments has been through and where they are coming from. We have not walked a mile in their shoes. This also shows that we should say something when someone trounces on us. In a nice way, but say something, speak up. I know in my case, it has really helped me to be better, not perfect, but better.
Secondly, the horse’s perspective. A horse needs, food, water, and safety. That is it. They don't know if they are going to the Olympics or helping a little girl (or older woman) with her dream of owning her first horse. They don't share in the human "ego" that seems to be so prevalent in these recent days. They don't know that everyone is on lockdown and stressed (well, they might feel the stress) but really, they are just BEING horses. It doesn't matter to them that they are fastest, prettiest, can jump the highest, or receive the best dressage scores. They want to be loved and cared for.
Thirdly, the perspective of the person being the brunt of the comment. A couple recent examples and my advice to them:
First of all, my perspective. I have been that "PERSON" that was rude, that made a bad comment, that spoke out of line. I have to tell you that when I realized it, either at the time, or later, it made me very sad. I was sad that I could be mean, and I was sad that I inflicted that on another person.
Most recently, there was a person asking about feed and not realizing it at the time, my comment was very CONDESCENDING. Thankfully, the admins of the group, caught it and deleted it and issued me a warning. I share this because there were some lessons in it for me. I now, re-read comments I am making, from the perspective of the person I am intending to receive the comment. What I have realized is that I have very strong opinions and I don't take other people’s feelings into consideration nearly as much as I thought I did! Am I getting better, yes, do I still make mistakes, YES.
What this shows is that we don't always know what the person saying (or writing) the comments has been through and where they are coming from. We have not walked a mile in their shoes. This also shows that we should say something when someone trounces on us. In a nice way, but say something, speak up. I know in my case, it has really helped me to be better, not perfect, but better.
Secondly, the horse’s perspective. A horse needs, food, water, and safety. That is it. They don't know if they are going to the Olympics or helping a little girl (or older woman) with her dream of owning her first horse. They don't share in the human "ego" that seems to be so prevalent in these recent days. They don't know that everyone is on lockdown and stressed (well, they might feel the stress) but really, they are just BEING horses. It doesn't matter to them that they are fastest, prettiest, can jump the highest, or receive the best dressage scores. They want to be loved and cared for.
Thirdly, the perspective of the person being the brunt of the comment. A couple recent examples and my advice to them:
1. A person has memories of a special horse and when that horse was sold, the new owner contacted them and told them to TAKE DOWN ALL PHOTOS, they could not share anything to do with that horse ever again. This at a minimum was rude and uncalled for and at worst case, is crazy. My advice - Think of this as an episode of "I LOVE LUCY". You know something whacky is going on. Picture this desperation of "Lucy" with the knowledge that something funny is going to happen to "Lucy" and just sit back and watch for the punch line.
2. A young lady received an amazing compliment about her young horse and before she could even bask in the joy, another horse person basically told her she wasn't good enough and was going to wreck the horse, get it to someone that could develop that horse properly. What happened to encouraging the young people and welcoming them into our sport? The horses don't care what level they reach. Let the young ones thrive with the really nice horses and bask in the joy that they picked out a good one, that they are enjoying and caring for a special one. My advice - think of that "neigh"sayer as a Grinch. A little tiny green Grinch that is jealous of your joy. Picture yourself as the WHOLE town of Whoville and bask in the joy of knowing that you did a great job picking an amazing horse and enjoy the heck out of riding and developing that horse to the very best of your ability. But most of all, have fun with your horse!
We can all learn to laugh a little more. Practice seeing things as cartoons. This takes the negative power away from those that are having some challenges and it puts us in control of how we feel, in spite of "those" people that forget to be kind (or intentionally are unkind).
If you have ever felt like your family needed a little more laughter, this book is a great family story, about my family and how I was raised, and how to bring a little more joy and laughter into your life.
I have a supportive horse community helping overcome fear, in a kind environment, and would love to have you join us (if you are not already part of the amazing group). For those of you that don't have fear, you can cheer on those of us that do have fear and for those that have fear, it is a great support group! Click here to join!
How amazing would it be to have a genie, sitting on your shoulder, and you could say, "I wish for courage" and BAM, you would have all the courage you needed? Well, anchoring may be the next best thing. There are a lot of ways to do anchoring and there are a lot of things you can use as an anchor. This is my favorite process and my favorite anchor system.
I used to be petrified of the Dentist, to the point of passing out in the waiting room to get my teeth cleaned. After starting to use the Young Living essential oils, I discovered that I could focus all my calm into the smell of Stress Away and then use that when I need calm. I started on a really peaceful day on the farm, hanging out with the horses in the pasture, just leaning against the fence with them grazing all around me. The sun was warm and the pretty blue sky and green grass were a nice contrast to the dark bay mares. In this place of peace, I put stress away on a lava bead bracelet on my right wrist and I just smelled it in. Over and over for about 30 minutes. It doesn't have to be this long for sure, but while in a completely calm, peaceful situation, you really want to "Anchor" that calm to that smell. I redo this part of the process every chance I get to keep it fresh and because I love the peace that it brings to me.
Then, when I start to feel a little stress, sometimes a week before going to the dentist, I have a tool to bring me right back to the feelings of being in that pasture, the pure calm of heaven on earth.
Well, the bonus is, it also works while riding! I found out that putting a drop of stress away on the bracelet right before I get on, lets me carry that tool with me, and if I even start to have a slight feeling I don't want coming up, I can smell that Stress Away and bring that Genie right back to my shoulder. I can whisper, I wish for Calm, and BAM, the wish is granted. I can then be in a mode of calm and trust my horse and enjoy the ride.
On the flipside of that, sometimes, I need to be the LEADER for my horse while riding. She may be concerned about a tree that has fallen down, or something out of place from the last time. We might be on a new ride and I need to be there for her and to guide her with my confidence. I started a new trail that we had not been on before and the entrance was from a very sunny grass trail, through a hole just big enough for us, into a deep dark forest. When I got to the trail head, my horse was NOT sure that it was a good idea to walk through that hole. I just kept my leadership and assured her that we would be fine, I would not let anything happen to us and it took a little bit, but she did walk right into that hole. I could not have done this from a state of fear myself. When we talk about an Anchor, this is a great example I can focus on to create a Leadership/ Courage Anchor. I love Thieves essential oil and the story behind the Thieves blend so that is the oil I chose to Anchor courage too. I use a lava bead bracelet on my left wrist for Courage. When I have feelings of leadership and courage, I anchor them into that smell of Thieves, every chance I get.
Then, when I am finding fear starting to come up, like facing my horse to that hole in the forest to walk through, I can smell the Thieves and know I will be all right and with my courage, my horses puts her trust in me and off into the forest we go for an amazing cool ride getting out of the heat of summer. (Here is a link to check out the products I use!)
If you would love to find out more about overcoming fear, I would love to have you join our free Facebook support group, Happy, Courageous, Horses and Riders!
I have started feeding my horses Timothy Pellets twice a day, and I soak them first. What have I learned from Three Buckets of Timothy Pellets and how it relates to my riding and my horses?
Strength, Flexibility, Coordination on BOTH Sides of our bodies are as important as our horses being good on both sides!
First Thought - Strength - Is our strength EVEN. We expect our horses to have even strength on both sides but do we do what we need to for our own even strength?
I have to STIR the soaked pellets. I found out that me left arm is NOT as strong as my right arm and so, I stir two buckets left handed and one right handed. Guess what, IT MADE MY ARM SORE! This got me to thinking, how much do we work on strengthening our horses "weak" side and over do it? This was stirring two buckets, 3 minutes tops and I hurt. How many times have I done 10 or 15 minutes on my horse on something I am trying to help them learn?
THREE BUCKETS of feed and water are HEAVY, 50 pounds heavy, and lopsided 34 pounds on one side and 17 on the other side! I have about 100 yards to carry the feed buckets from the feed shed to the pasture.
My first question, How do I balance 3 buckets? I think the first few trips, I must have looked like a circus clown in an act gone BAD.
Second Thought - Flexibility - Are you flexible enough to easily reach down and adjust your foot in the stirrup or tighten your girth if you ride English? Both sides? We expect our horses to be flexible "Pokey" ponies on both sides, reaching under with a hind foot, bending around our leg, or even just going up and down switchbacks on a trail ride, can we do the same?
I was sitting on the bed one day, putting on my socks and I realized, I could NOT put my foot on the bed next to my butt to put my sock on. I could when I was younger but NOT ANY MORE! That changed over a few years and I am now so much more flexible, but what if I had not made changes? Would I be a great partner for my horse if I wasn't Flexible? Would I be "Gumby" for my "Pokey"?
Third Thought - Coordination - Can you brush your teeth with either your right hand or your left hand? LOL…..not really relevant directly to riding but yet, it is very relevant. We expect our horses to drop their nose and bend left or right with the slightest cue from our right or left hand and yet, we may not be that precise between our left and our right side!
I was thinking about my coordination and can I really be a GREAT "Hand" for my horse on both the left side and the right side and finesse the rein to have the smallest cue for my horse? This would improve communication and reduce pressure. I tried brushing my teeth with my left hand (and I am left handed mostly) but I brush my teeth right handed. I dropped the toothbrush in the sink three times! That is NOT coordination. That is NOT finesse. I tried cleaning my saddle with my left hand it also needs a lot of work! Guess I will be doing the 60/40 on EVERYTHING for a while to improve my coordination just like I would do with my horses!
To sum it up, we owe it to our horses to be the "BEST" that we can be. We expect it of our horses, why don't we expect the same of us? I will be pondering this question because I certainly have NOT been the best I could be.
I am putting together some posts on "BALANCED" Rider in my Finding Courage Facebook Group. I think the better we can become, just like we expect from our horses, the more courage and confidence that will bring while riding. Would love to have you join our facebook community (if you are not already part of it!) JOIN OUR GROUP!!!
Strength, Flexibility, Coordination on BOTH Sides of our bodies are as important as our horses being good on both sides!
First Thought - Strength - Is our strength EVEN. We expect our horses to have even strength on both sides but do we do what we need to for our own even strength?
I have to STIR the soaked pellets. I found out that me left arm is NOT as strong as my right arm and so, I stir two buckets left handed and one right handed. Guess what, IT MADE MY ARM SORE! This got me to thinking, how much do we work on strengthening our horses "weak" side and over do it? This was stirring two buckets, 3 minutes tops and I hurt. How many times have I done 10 or 15 minutes on my horse on something I am trying to help them learn?
THREE BUCKETS of feed and water are HEAVY, 50 pounds heavy, and lopsided 34 pounds on one side and 17 on the other side! I have about 100 yards to carry the feed buckets from the feed shed to the pasture.
My first question, How do I balance 3 buckets? I think the first few trips, I must have looked like a circus clown in an act gone BAD.
Second Thought - Flexibility - Are you flexible enough to easily reach down and adjust your foot in the stirrup or tighten your girth if you ride English? Both sides? We expect our horses to be flexible "Pokey" ponies on both sides, reaching under with a hind foot, bending around our leg, or even just going up and down switchbacks on a trail ride, can we do the same?
I was sitting on the bed one day, putting on my socks and I realized, I could NOT put my foot on the bed next to my butt to put my sock on. I could when I was younger but NOT ANY MORE! That changed over a few years and I am now so much more flexible, but what if I had not made changes? Would I be a great partner for my horse if I wasn't Flexible? Would I be "Gumby" for my "Pokey"?
Third Thought - Coordination - Can you brush your teeth with either your right hand or your left hand? LOL…..not really relevant directly to riding but yet, it is very relevant. We expect our horses to drop their nose and bend left or right with the slightest cue from our right or left hand and yet, we may not be that precise between our left and our right side!
I was thinking about my coordination and can I really be a GREAT "Hand" for my horse on both the left side and the right side and finesse the rein to have the smallest cue for my horse? This would improve communication and reduce pressure. I tried brushing my teeth with my left hand (and I am left handed mostly) but I brush my teeth right handed. I dropped the toothbrush in the sink three times! That is NOT coordination. That is NOT finesse. I tried cleaning my saddle with my left hand it also needs a lot of work! Guess I will be doing the 60/40 on EVERYTHING for a while to improve my coordination just like I would do with my horses!
To sum it up, we owe it to our horses to be the "BEST" that we can be. We expect it of our horses, why don't we expect the same of us? I will be pondering this question because I certainly have NOT been the best I could be.
I am putting together some posts on "BALANCED" Rider in my Finding Courage Facebook Group. I think the better we can become, just like we expect from our horses, the more courage and confidence that will bring while riding. Would love to have you join our facebook community (if you are not already part of it!) JOIN OUR GROUP!!!
The Road Runner view of fear! Who loved watching the Road Runner as a kid? If you haven't watched it before, check it out on Youtube. I love that no matter what, the Road Runner was always fine and no matter what, Wile-E-Coyote was in a pickle. Isn't that true with us when we stand in courage vs. when we curl up in fear?
My accident felt like one of Wile-E-Coyote's disasters! Every time I thought of it or talked about it, I could feel the overwhelming fear rise up and consume me. Have you had an accident that seems to just take over your life, especially when you think about riding your horse? Your fear is preventing you from enjoying the riding you and your horse deserve? Are you the SMASHED Wile-E-COYOTE????
Why not rewrite our memory in the form of a Cartoon? And if the fear is in the future, why not write an amazing cartoon of cool places you are going to see or goals you are going to achieve with your horse? Be the Road Runner!
I turned around my "TERRIFYING ACCIDENT" and made it a cartoon!
There I am, the Road Runner, Running around the campground on the back of a big bay horse, who happens to be wearing a pink Tootoo and ballet Slippers! We are zipping along and out of nowhere, Wile-E-Coyote attacks us with his ACME product of the day. The big giant ballerina horse FLOPS Over from the blast on top of Wile-E-Coyote, and as ALWAYS, he is SMASHED right there in the campground! I pop up fine….BEEP BEEP…..and off I go for another adventure! (If you want to hear my original story of terror, check it out here on Youtube!)
You can convince your brain of anything you want to. Why not look at the funny side of things instead of the bad? Why not store things in your brain in a way that makes you feel good even when bad stuff happened?
If I look back over my 51 years of riding history, I have had maybe 5 scary falls and only ONE that was terrifying and yet that one has defined the last 20 years of my riding on the trails. I added it up, and conservatively, it is TEN THOUSAND HOURS of joy to less than a minute of TERROR. The percent chance of something happening is much less than ZERO!
And yet, for 20 years, this fear has held me back from trail riding. I can honestly say, the process of creating a cartoon of the accident and really feeling the laughter bubble up was HUGE for me. I can now look back and instead of tears, there is laughter, I am lighter. There is HOPE!
I challenge you to look back at your accident and create a cartoon, make it as funny as you can make it. Revamp it to make it funnier! Get to where you can laugh about your situation. If you have not had an accident and are just having a growing fear of getting hurt. Picture that accident you are afraid MIGHT happen and then turn it around into a cartoon. The laughter will serve you well as you feel fear. Embed this cartoon memory into your brain, replace the original. Nobody says we have to keep our memories "true". Fear never goes away, we have to know that we can handle the fear and laughter helps us to see that WE CAN HANDLE IT.
If you would love help writing your cartoon, or just want to rise to Courage, please join my free FB Fear to Courage support Group and share your CARTOON With us! We all need a little laughter and levity when we are sharing our fears!
My accident felt like one of Wile-E-Coyote's disasters! Every time I thought of it or talked about it, I could feel the overwhelming fear rise up and consume me. Have you had an accident that seems to just take over your life, especially when you think about riding your horse? Your fear is preventing you from enjoying the riding you and your horse deserve? Are you the SMASHED Wile-E-COYOTE????
Why not rewrite our memory in the form of a Cartoon? And if the fear is in the future, why not write an amazing cartoon of cool places you are going to see or goals you are going to achieve with your horse? Be the Road Runner!
I turned around my "TERRIFYING ACCIDENT" and made it a cartoon!
There I am, the Road Runner, Running around the campground on the back of a big bay horse, who happens to be wearing a pink Tootoo and ballet Slippers! We are zipping along and out of nowhere, Wile-E-Coyote attacks us with his ACME product of the day. The big giant ballerina horse FLOPS Over from the blast on top of Wile-E-Coyote, and as ALWAYS, he is SMASHED right there in the campground! I pop up fine….BEEP BEEP…..and off I go for another adventure! (If you want to hear my original story of terror, check it out here on Youtube!)
You can convince your brain of anything you want to. Why not look at the funny side of things instead of the bad? Why not store things in your brain in a way that makes you feel good even when bad stuff happened?
If I look back over my 51 years of riding history, I have had maybe 5 scary falls and only ONE that was terrifying and yet that one has defined the last 20 years of my riding on the trails. I added it up, and conservatively, it is TEN THOUSAND HOURS of joy to less than a minute of TERROR. The percent chance of something happening is much less than ZERO!
And yet, for 20 years, this fear has held me back from trail riding. I can honestly say, the process of creating a cartoon of the accident and really feeling the laughter bubble up was HUGE for me. I can now look back and instead of tears, there is laughter, I am lighter. There is HOPE!
I challenge you to look back at your accident and create a cartoon, make it as funny as you can make it. Revamp it to make it funnier! Get to where you can laugh about your situation. If you have not had an accident and are just having a growing fear of getting hurt. Picture that accident you are afraid MIGHT happen and then turn it around into a cartoon. The laughter will serve you well as you feel fear. Embed this cartoon memory into your brain, replace the original. Nobody says we have to keep our memories "true". Fear never goes away, we have to know that we can handle the fear and laughter helps us to see that WE CAN HANDLE IT.
If you would love help writing your cartoon, or just want to rise to Courage, please join my free FB Fear to Courage support Group and share your CARTOON With us! We all need a little laughter and levity when we are sharing our fears!
